Me And You Is Friends ...
You Smile, I Smile ....
You Hurt, I Hurt ....
You Cry, I Cry ...
You Jump Off A Bridge ..
I'm Gonna Miss Your E-Mails
Posted on 04/11/2005 7:30:08 PM PDT by Diva Betsy Ross
No kiddin'! Did it not come today, either? It is time to storm the fort!
Man: "Hi there new neighbor, it sure is a mighty nice day to be moving."
Neighbor 1: "Yes, it is, and people around here seem extremely friendly"
Man: "So what is it you do for a living?"
Neighbor 1: "I am a professor at the University, I teach deductive reasoning"
Man: "Deductive reasoning, what is that?"
Neighbor 1: "Let me give you an example. I see you have a doghouse out back. By that I deduce that you have a dog."
Man: "That is right."
Neighbor 1: "The fact that you have a dog, leads me to deduce that you have a family."
Man: "Right again."
Neighbor 1: "Since you have a family I deduce that you have a wife."
Man: "Correct."
Neighbor 1: "And since you have a wife I can deduce that you are heterosexual."
Man: "Yep."
Neighbor 1: "That is deductive reasoning."
Man: "Cool."
Later that same day...
Man: "Hey I was talking to that new guy who moved in next door."
Neighbor 2: "Is he a nice guy?"
Man: "Yes, and he has an interesting job."
Neighbor 2: "Oh, yeah what does he do?"
Man: "He is a professor of deductive reasoning at the University."
Neighbor 2: "Deductive reasoning, what is that?"
Man: "Let me give you an example. Do you have a dog house?"
Neighbor 2: "No."
Man: "Fag." : ) <<< me
Well, let's track down UncleShag first...no word from him in a bit...MUD
Well, beachy, a little of this and a little of that. Mostly a little of everything.
sounds like you are busier that a one armed paper hanger.
I could say one legged butt kicker, too. Think I will.
LOL
Hugs beachy and hang in there.
You track him--I've got to leave now to go to work! And we'll gang up on him later this evening! It'll be fun! LOL!
One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" while he rumagged through the desk. He replied, "Who said that?!" Once again he heard the same thing, "Jesus is watching you!"
The robber looked around the room only to see a parrot. He asked the parrot what its name was. The parrot replied, "Cornelius." The robber said, "What kind of a name is that?! Who names a parrot that?!"
The parrot said, "The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus!" : ) <<< me
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? ( Let me know dog lovers if this adds up? )
**Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're
inside worrying about a stupid light bulb?
**Border Collie: Just One. And then I'll replace all the wiring that's not up to code.
**Dachshund: You know I can't reach the stupid lamp.
**Rottweiler: Make Me.
**Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
**Lab: Oh, Me, Me!!!! PLEEEEEEZE let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?
PLEEEEEEEZE, Please, Please?!?
**German Shepard: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I
haven't missed any, and make one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of
the situation.
**Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I am bouncing off the walls and the furniture.
**Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, I don't see a light bulb.
**Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
**Beagle : You talkin' to ME?
**Chihuahua: Yo Quiero Taco Bulb.
**Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there...
**Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
**Australian Shepard: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
**Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear, and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house,
my nails will be dry.
**THE CAT: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So the real question is, how long
will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?
And we can't leave Johnny jokes out...
Johnnys mother was working in the kitchen listening to young Johnny playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and johnny said, "All of you sons of bi**hes who want off, get the hell off now! And all of you sons of bi**hes who are getting on, get your asses on the train, cause we're leaving!
Johnnys mother screamed "Johnny!"We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there untill you learn not to cuss, then you may play with your train." One hour later, Johnny comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train.
She hears Johnny say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."
"For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seats. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As Johnnys mother begans to smile, Johnny added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the hour delay, please see the bi**h in the kitchen." : ) <<< me
LOL, My husband is now disappointed we didn't video tape ours. ;)
Not taping the birth or the conception?
Folks, I've just finished installing this month's critical update set for Windows from the Microsoft Update. It will take awhile to get those updates but be sure to download them if you use Windows.
"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband. "I think there's water in the carburettor." "How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburettor is." "I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburettor." "We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"
"In the swimming pool." : ) <<< me
No, Silly, our wedding. LOL!
me
me
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