|
Posted on 04/11/2005 7:30:08 PM PDT by Diva Betsy Ross
|
This oldie but goodie makes me LOL every time I read it. (I edited one of 'em. I didn't know if everybody would know who Jackie Gleason was. See if you can tell which one.) ;)
If you remember The Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this will bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull as they are now.
Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course. The younger readers among you won't know who some of these people are. Even if you don't know them....some of the answers are hysterical.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
~~~~~~~~
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
~~~~~~~~
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
~~~~~~~~
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
~~~~~~~~
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
~~~~~~~~~
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
~~~~~~~~
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A.George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
~~~~~~~~
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
~~~~~~~~~
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily
~~~~~~~~
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
~~~~~~~~
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
~~~~~~~~~
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
~~~~~~~~
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
~~~~~~~~
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
~~~~~~~~~
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
~~~~~~~~
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
~~~~~~~~
Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does this mean?
A. George Gobel: Cattle crossing.
~~~~~~~~~
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected.
~~~~~~~~
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
~~~~~~~~
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
~~~~~~~~
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A.Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
~~~~~~~~
Q. Michael Moore recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A.Charley Weaver: His feet
~~~~~~~~
Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
~~~~~~~~
|
|
|
|
Today's FEEBLE
YOKE :
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.
Chicagoland Weather
| April 12, 2005 | |
| Chicago, IL | |
| Sunrise | 6:13 AM (CDT) |
| Sunset | 7:27 PM (CDT) |
| Hrs. of Daylight | 13 Hrs., 14 Mins. |
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5 Day Forecast | ||
|
|
||
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Sleep well my friend. I did not realize you were in a different time zone, although I know we've canteeners from all. I rarely know if I'm posting to someone late in the day, late in the night, or in the morning. LOL
Thank you and tis grand to "see" you as well. Hugs!
HEY! I resemble that remark!!!
I love this "yoke". I don't believe I have laughed so hard for as long as I have since signing in this morning.
Hugs!
Today is a big day. It's the day we get to download the Microsoft set of April critical updates. Be sure to watch for the updates Miceorosft Windows users.
Tommorow is another big day. It's my birthday. I turn 41.
LOL!
Thanks for the reminder about Microsoft's updates.
Is is ever calm in OK?
Hugs!
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
"Excuse me sir, you're in my sun"
(Say it out loud)
The troops are always in our hearts, which gives us a "connection". That's why we can hear them through cyberspace. :-)
I'm only one time zone west of you. I'm just a night owl by nature, hence the "vampire" title. LOL! The sky's beginning to lighten now and I'd be in serious trouble if it wasn't raining right now. Ya know what sunlight does to vampires. :-D
Off to dreamland for a bit. The rain pounding on our tin roof should have me deep in the vampire sleep in no time. LOL! Catch you next time. Hugz!
This is the joke I was originally trying to find!
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
They started well, but then their enthusiasm waned and they turned to building houses for themselves. In his first message, Haggai asked, "Is it time for you yourselves to dwell in your paneled houses, and this temple to lie in ruins?" (1:4). In message two (2:1-9), Haggai asked if anyone remembered the temple Solomon had built, and that King Nebuchadnezzar destroyed. A few elderly exiles could recall the former glory. By comparison, the abandoned work looked pitiful. Let's think for a moment about our work of building the church. For us, the church is the body of Christ-the believers themselves (1 Corinthians 12:27). Our mission as followers of Jesus is to become a strong, dedicated, growing, witnessing church. How is your local congregation doing? Is it busy doing the work of God? Are you personally involved? Or have you become distracted with the work of building your own "paneled houses"? -Dave Egner
Should then His work for lack of zeal decline? His kingdom first! Our light must not grow dim- Through faithful servants may His glory shine! -Mollon Commitment to Christ goes hand in hand with commitment to His church.
The Church We Need Developing The Art Of Gracious Disagreement |
SONGS FROM THE HOSPITAL HIT PARADE
~"I'll be Sewing You"
~"Red Cells in the Sunset"
~"It's Spleen a Long, Long Time"
~"It Had to Be Flu"
~"On the Bonny Banks of Glaucoma"
~"Gonna Take a Sentimental Gurney"
~"The Staphs and Streps Forever"
~"Old Man's Liver"
~"I've Grown Accustomed to Her Brace"
~"The Girl From Emphysema"
~"MRI Blue?"
~"My Melancolicky Baby"
~"From Here to Maternity"
“Yes, Dad. I am a fugitive from a brain gang.”
Yep, ya sure do! LOL!!
One of your endearing qualities. :-)
With that, I'm off to the bat cave before I turn to a pile of ash. *HUGZ*
Yes, I know all about vampires and such. LOL
Hugs!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
The prophecy of Haggai is often overlooked in Scripture, but it holds much for us. This brief book consists of four messages from God to the Jewish exiles who had returned from Babylon. Their mission was to rebuild the temple in Jerusalem.