Posted on 04/10/2005 3:32:35 PM PDT by paltz
The Ten Reasons Why HIGHLY INTELLIGENT Men Fail With Women... AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT...
You know that you're a little different than other guys. And when you're RIGHT more often than others, you can get ahead in many situations.
They find a new situation... one that fits their strength. They know they'll be right next time, so they just walk away... knowing that it won't be long before they're right again.
In short, many smart guys refuse to accept that a good, solid, workable answer could come from someone "dumber" than them, so they discount any idea that comes from an "obviously less intelligent person" before trying it.
It's as if they have logically reasoned that social skills are for lower beings who need to play games... and not worth the time it would take to learn them.
REASON #4: THEY PSYCH THEMSELVES OUT
If you're trying to fix something, you can keep working on it until it's fixed.
"physical" level smoothly and easily.
I've been teaching men how to become more successful with women and dating for a several years now... and one "problem scenario" just keeps coming up OVER AND OVER... and OVER and OVER and OVER again...
...and it really amazes me.
I'm going to refer to it as "The Genius Failure Paradox".
"The Genius Failure Paradox" is the tendency for UNUSUALLY intelligent men to have very LOW levels of success with women and dating.
After contemplating this particular paradox, discussing it, and working on it for an awesome amount of time, I'd like to share my thoughts about it with you.
I assume that if you've read this far, then you see probably yourself as smarter than the average guy.
You probably realized at a young age that you saw things differently, and thought differently than others in school...
And you've probably realized that your smart mind gives you an advantage over others in many areas of life...
Your smart mind gives you a particular type of advantage that can be very, very powerful in life: YOU'RE USUALLY RIGHT.
Smart people get used to being "right", because they usually ARE right.
But unfortunately, this smart mind of yours can actually be WORSE than USELESS when it comes to a key area of life:
WOMEN AND DATING.
By the way, I did say WORSE than useless.
It can actually be like having a hammer when you need to tighten a bolt. If you use the tool you have for the job, you'll most likely make the situation WORSE.
Of course, it's hard for a smart guy to even IMAGINE a situation where his smart mind could HURT his chances for success...
But trust me, this is one of those situations.
So relax, open your smart mind, and let me share with you the ten reasons why smart guys fail with women... and what to do about it.
REASON #1: THEY'RE WRONG, BUT THEY CAN'T OR WON'T SEE IT OR ADMIT IT
I mentioned that smart guys are used to being RIGHT in most situations.
And what do most smart guys do when they come across a situation where they're WRONG?
(OR they let the "problem situation" destroy them... more on that later.)
Well, the BITCH about being wrong when it comes to women and dating is THERE'S NOWHERE TO RUN AND HIDE.
There's no quick "I'm right" around the next corner to make you feel better.
It only takes "failing" with a few women in a row for a smart guy to see the pattern... and realize that something isn't working.
Solution? Think harder.
A smart guy just assumes that his logic must be good... so he just keeps thinking harder.
But when no success comes, it really starts to become mentally difficult.
Accepting that you're wrong is a VERY hard thing for a "smart guy".
Accepting that you're not only wrong, but you have NO CLUE WHERE TO EVEN START is even more difficult.
Ultimately, many smart guys come up with the following logical conclusion:
I AM A SMART GUY, THEREFORE IF I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN AND DATING, THEN THE PROBLEM MUST NOT BE SOLVABLE OR WORTH SOLVING.
Try that on for a self-defeating idea.
REASON #2: THEY'RE BLIND AND ARROGANT
Let me ask you a question:
If you were going to be walking across Africa on foot, would you rather have your guide be the guy on this planet with the highest I.Q., or a caveman who lived a million years ago that had an I.Q. of about 50... but who grew up being chased by lions and all kinds of animals that wanted to eat him all his life?
It's an interesting question.
Now, hopefully you'd like to have the guide who isn't the smartest guy around... but who has escaped from many, many dangerous situations with deadly animals...
But now let me ask you:
If you'd like to learn how to be more successful with women and dating, would you take advice from a guy who isn't very intelligent, but who knows how to attract women?
There's something about being smart that makes some guys unwilling to accept input, ideas, or instruction from anyone who isn't either as smart or smarter than them.
Well, any SMART GUY can see the folly in this particular approach... once it's examined closely.
If you've been making this mistake, then you need to STOP IT. Stop being an arrogant bastard, and open your eyes.
Look around.
Learn from some "dumb" guys... and let them teach you how to get what you REALLY want.
REASON #3: POOR SOCIAL SKILLS
It BLOWS MY MIND how many smart guys I meet that just don't GET IT when it comes to basic social skills.
In fact, I believe that there are a lot of smart guys running around this planet who don't even have "social skills" and "be a cool guy that people like" in their "MENTAL MODEL" of what it could possibly take to be successful with women and dating.
Social skills are just that... SKILLS.
They're not social INFORMATION.
They're not social THEORIES.
They're social SKILLS.
And you don't get them by THINKING about them. You get them by GETTING them.
Excellent social skills are the foundation for good communication with other humans... and if you don't have good social skills, you dramatically lower your chances for success with women.
Smart guys do something that fascinates the hell out of me...
They come up with all the reasons why everything WON'T WORK when it comes to women and dating.
They actually figure out why what they would like to do will probably fail...
They use their amazing creative imaginations to imagine all kinds of horrible pictures and scenes... and then they use those imaginary outcomes to create negative emotions... which ultimately stop them from having success with women and dating.
THEY DON'T EVEN TRY.
Now, if you've thought something through and come up with a good reason why it would fail, it makes sense to not do it, right?
I mean, why would you want to do things that are going to fail?
It's sound logic, but HORRIBLE thinking when it comes to the REAL WORLD... and success with women.
Because smart guys don't UNDERSTAND women, and they don't UNDERSTAND what it takes to be successful with women, they are working with bad figures. They're wrong before they even start figuring!
Using your mind to come up with all the reasons why things won't work in this area of your life leads to ULTIMATE FAILURE.
You must learn to overcome this habit if you have it.
REASON #5: THEY SEEK ONLY "INFORMATIONAL SOLUTIONS"
What does a smart guy do when he runs into a problem... or he needs to figure something out?
He looks for INFORMATION to help him solve the problem.
MORE INFORMATION is always the answer.
Information is the friend of a smart guy.
Got a strange virus on your computer? Just hop on the internet and search for how to eliminate it.
Don't know how to change the alternator on your car? No prob. Just buy the manual and turn to page 147.
Don't know the definition of a word? Open up your dictionary.
MORE INFORMATION solves the problem.
So what do smart guys do when it comes to overcoming a problem with women?
They want MORE INFORMATION.
They think the answer lies in learning just ONE MORE TECHNIQUE... or one more magic concept.
Well what if there were a situation in life where the "get more information" strategy actually made things WORSE?
How would you even know that it was making things worse?
Now, I don't want to suggest that learning more about how to be successful with women is a bad thing. It's not.
But if you have a problem that is EMOTIONAL or PHYSICAL in nature, then reading five million theories on it probably isn't going to help you very much.
You need to get out in the real world and try some stuff!
You need to look at the REAL problem... the ROOT of the problem.
When it comes to women and dating, there's a very good chance that you have MORE than enough "information".
Smart guys often use "more information" to distract them from TAKING ACTION.
I've heard this referred to as "Creative Avoidance".
Nod silently if you've ever figured out a creative way to avoid facing something in your life.
Good, thank you.
REASON #6: THEY FOCUS ON LOGIC INSTEAD OF EMOTION
NEWS JUST IN: Women don't feel ATTRACTION for men who make them THINK.
Women feel ATTRACTION for men who make them FEEL.
So what do most smart guys do when they first meet a woman?
EXACTLY!
They get into a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.
I'm shaking my head right now...
Smart men try to engage women in LOGICAL conversations and interactions because that's where THEY feel comfortable... not knowing that they're SHOOTING THELSEVES IN THE FOOT by doing it!
Get this: A monkey sitting at a typewriter will type the collected works of Shakespeare before you will make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you by engaging her in logical conversation.
When you start a logical conversation with a woman you've just met, you are basically taking out a NEON SIGN that says "I don't get it when it comes to women" and putting it on your head.
Typical "logical" conversations include talking about work, family, school, and jobs... discussing politics, religion, weather... and anything that has to do with math, science, or INTELLIGENCE.
On the other hand, if you start talking to a woman and you say "OK, so tell me something... Why is it that all women say that they want sweet, nice guys... but they all date sexy, selfish bad boys?" (and then make fun of any answer she gives) you're having an EMOTIONAL conversation.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, keep reading. You need more help than I thought.
REASON #7: THEY'RE NOT USED TO THE CHALLENGE OF THE MOMENT
Smart people usually have time to THINK about things.
If you're taking a test, you can sit there and work out the answers.
If you have a math problem, you can work on it until you've figured it out.
Smart guys are used to being able to take at least a LITTLE bit of time to prepare and show off their "good sides" in most situations.
Not so with women...
If you don't know what to do at every step along the way, you'll be shut down very quickly.
Women have an AMAZING "He doesn't get it" radar system.
Women have all kinds of subtle and ingenious tests that they throw at men to separate the "get its" from the "don't get its".
And if you don't get it, then you're going to fail one of these tests VERY quickly.
But the worst part is that you won't ever KNOW that you were being tested... OR that you failed.
Smart guys aren't used to dealing with complex EMOTIONAL and COMMUNICATION challenges in the moment... and especially the "women and dating" kind.
One of they keys to becoming more successful with women and dating is learning to handle all of the tests that women throw at you effortlessly.
But before you can learn how to deal with the tests, you must first learn how to communicate on an emotional level, how to demonstrate that you have fundamental social skills, and how to keep your cool in the moment.
REASON #8: THEY THINK THAT DOING "NICE" THINGS IS THE "SMART WAY"
OK, let me ask you a trick question:
If I told you that you were going to have a date with the supermodel of your choice, which of the following would you choose as a "smart" way of preparing:
1) Find out what her favorite type of flowers are, and show up with a dozen of them so she would be "wowed".
2) Learn about her favorite travel destination so you could discuss it with her.
3) Find out what her favorite type of food is so you could take her to dinner... and she could see that you cared enough to choose something that she enjoyed.
OK, time's up. Which did you choose?
Now, I already mentioned that this was a TRICK question.
The answer is NONE OF THE ABOVE.
But WHY?
These three options all seemed logical, right?
I mean, why WOULDN'T you want to show up with her favorite flowers?
Why WOULDN'T you want to talk about her favorite places to travel?
Why WOULDN'T you want to take her to eat her favorite foods so she enjoyed herself?
Go with me here...
Smart guys think that they're being CLEVER when they do things like buying a woman her favorite flowers... and bringing them to the FIRST DATE.
Right?
In their minds, they're thinking "I'm going to be the guy who is thinking ahead... and I'm going to show up with the flowers that I KNOW she loves... and she's going to see them and like me more because of it".
Makes sense... good math, right?
Well the one teensy-weensy mistake that these "smart" guys make is not realizing that it doesn't actually take a smart person to think like this!
In fact, ANY jackass can figure out how to kiss a woman's ass.
And guess what?
WOMEN KNOW THIS!
And guess what else?
EVERY WUSSBAG DOES THIS STUFF.
An intelligent guy, in his proud arrogance, will think he's being such the charmer by using this "thoughtful" approach...
...and the woman he is chasing will interpret it as just another Wussy who's trying to MANIPULATE her.
Ouch. Another blow to intelligence.
Reason #9: ALWAYS NEEDING TO BE THE EXPERT
Have you ever met a smart guy who always needed to be "right"?
Have you ever met someone who would actually argue with you about something they knew nothing about... and make a fool of themselves because they just couldn't shut their "smart mouths"?
Over the last few years helping guys improve their success with women, I see this one pattern over and over again...
Smart guys don't like to be "beginners" at ANYTHING.
They don't like the idea of screwing up... especially if others are watching.
They want to maintain this "smart guy" image of themselves... so they try to always be "The Expert" at whatever they do.
Instead of saying "Hey, you know what? I'm a beginner at this... how do I do it? What should I do first? What next?"... and instead of being totally OK with screwing up, making mistakes, and making a fool of themselves in front of others in order to LEARN...
...they won't risk embarrassment, failure, or others thinking that they're beginners... so they wind up ultimately FAILING.
MORE NEWS JUST IN: It's OK to be a beginner.
Reason #10: THEY CAN'T DEAL WITH FEAR AND OTHER EMOTIONS
A smart guy's STRENGTH is his MIND.
His WEAKNESS is often his EMOTIONS.
Smart guys are often IMMOBILIZED by FEAR.
Totally stopped.
FROZEN.
And since many smart guys aren't comfortable dealing with things they're not good at, they just repress or RUN away from fear.
Many men would rather DIE in lonely isolation than admit that they don't know how to deal with their emotions... or, GODFORBID, ask for help!
Hey, I went for YEARS like this.
I know what it's like.
But the reality is that any guy can learn to handle and even MASTER his emotions (even fear)... if he just takes the time and effort to learn HOW to do it.
If this is you, then do yourself a big favor... take the time. Take the effort.
Don't worry about what anyone else thinks of you... it doesn't matter.
What matters is you doing the things that YOU need to do FOR YOU.
...I think the reason why I'm so fascinated with "The Genius Failure Paradox" is because I have had to struggle with all of these issues for a lot of years of my life.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm the smartest guy on the planet...
But I don't think mamma raised no fool.
And it always bothered the hell out of me that even though I was so good at figuring things out, I couldn't figure WOMEN out.
Something tells me that you know what I'm talking about.
Well, after beating my head against the wall for a few years... trying all kinds of crazy "logical" stuff... I finally got the "bright" idea to start studying guys who were "naturally" good with women.
Of course, I found out that you could be both NOT SMART, and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN at the same time.
I also learned that you can be SMART and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN too.
By carefully studying what the "naturals" did with women... and learning how they "thought" about the topic, I began to realize that success with women wasn't entirely LOGICAL.
Much of what I learned was very tough for me to accept... because my logical brain just didn't want to buy into it.
One thing I saw was guys pushing women away from them... and having the women then chase them in response.
Made no sense at all.
I saw guys tease beautiful women and make jokes about them to their faces... and then watched those women become "little girls" in response... unable to maintain their composure, and therefore unable to maintain their manipulative power...
It took me quite a long time, but I continued to learn, test, and refine what I was learning until I personally figured out how to approach women in any situation... get any woman's number I wanted anytime I wanted... date any type of woman I wanted...
...and most importantly, GET RID of that "empty" feeling that I carried around my whole life because I didn't know how to attract women.
And once I got this area of my own life together, I decided to help other guys get this area of THEIR lives together.
The ultimate result of all this time, effort, and energy is my free Dating Tips Newsletter.
And I'd like to invite you to sign up.
It's free, there's no obligation, I'll never share your email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I'll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).
Of course, it even gets better than that...
In addition to my free Dating Tips newsletter, I also have a killer downloadable eBook that you can download right now and be reading in literally MINUTES from right now.
It's JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even free date ideas, and how to take things to a
To sign up for my free newsletter AND download your copy of my online eBook, just go here:
Free Dating Tips Newsletter and Download eBook
LOL!
There, you made me laugh!
:-)
I think you are right, but I still think that testing like I described is not uncommon.
Unfortunately, I think you're right on that score, too. I know too many chicks that have done it to dispute that. I just don't agree with playing the game, I guess.
There are decent women out there that aren't into playing stupid games like that. Unfortunately, they're a little older, on average, than most guys would like, lol. I think guys would be totally ecstatic if they could find a 40 year old's mind in a 17 year old's body, heh heh.
Well, there are worse offenses than this little testing thing that goes on. Women don't have it easy in selecting a good man. Besides the more jerky ones, there are many guys who are fakes, for example. Women also know that a man that is too agreeable is probably either conniving or too weak.
Tests like this are not all that bad, especially since I started being able to recognize them. I don't blame women for testing a man's mettle, though some go overboard on it and that isn't good (nor appealing to me).
Just stop right there.
- and I'm not even naked!
You in New Mexico ?...I did some work up near shiprock and the 4 corners. Beautiful country.....!
Stay safe !
You are sooo right about there being worse offenses! :) And yeah, it isn't easy to find a good man sometimes. (I got lucky when I was young!)
When I was dating a guy that was too agreeable, it definitely didn't pass the smell test with me. In my experience, it usually meant that they were conniving, not weak. The weak ones have a different sort of aura about them...I pitied them, really. The conniving ones just scared me.
One other thing...it's a piece of advice that was passed to me, and I think it's equally valid for men. Every failed relationship you've been in has one thing in common...you. It doesn't mean that the person has done anything wrong, or that they are a bad person. It may just be that they are dating the wrong sort of person for the expectations they have, that they don't REALLY know what it is that they want out of a relationship, or (as in my case) weren't demanding enough of themselves, or accepting less than what they deserve.
This isn't directed at you, HNY...I think I remember you saying on a different thread that you have a steady girlfriend. :) I'm just throwing it out there for consideration.
Are you saying you have a big dictionary?
this guy is full of it.. I have trouble finding a man who CAN conduct a logical conversation. All the wimped-out, feminist-deballed fellows I meet on the Left Coast want to talk about is their souffle recipes. I'd rather be alone forever than listen to such drivel.
Yea, the 'tests' are no big deal to me, really, unless they are overdone or overdramatic. Actually, it's a good thing since I began to recognize them - I just look at it as an opportunity to show the woman I have a pair of stones (without actually showing my pair of stones and getting arrested!).
Like I said, I don't blame women at all for using methods to get a small rise out of a man in order to see what he is made of. Quiet strength usually is the winning combo. Weakness is not attractive in a man nor a woman. Conniving is even worse - women know instinctively that in the courtship phase that a man who is too agreeable is probably hiding a bad nature. The genuinely nicer and genuinely more agreeable men suffer some blowback in this regard.
I work in self improvement and I use a variation of the remark you posted - 'Each of your successes have one common denominator - you. Each fo your falures have one common denominator - you.' A lot of people adopt a mentality that their successes are 100% to their credit, and that their failures are flukes and attributed to conniving, flukes, or otherwise placing blame on someone else. That is BS, and that kind of mentality leads to many problems in coping with life.
I have a galpal, yes, and we get along great. That being said, even after a couple of years together, I still field a test on occasion. Like I said, I look at it as an opportunity to show her I can't be pushed around, and I know that she admires a man who can't be pushed around. It satisifes both of us - that's the crazy world of romance!
Maybe it's just because they're really boring.
I look at the former as part of the basis for the latter. It's not limited to Christian upbringing, really. Honestly I think a lot of messages sent in our culture undermines a man's willingness to be a sexual creature. Some of it comes from very religious foundations of all flavors, and a lot of it comes from the very bad messages women (and our culture) sends to men regarding 'what women want.'
I love my mom a lot, but if I listened to her advice on courtship, I'd never have a second date. Women, for some reason, perpetuate the bad messages being sent to men on how to behave in a sexually appealing way.
For me, the cardinal offender is the idea that women somehow want a nonmasculine male. That makes no sense and hasn't much evidence to support it, yet every time a man camoflauges his sexual nature around a woman, it rears its ugly head. The result is too many frustrated males and too many unhappy women.
True.
I'm an intelligent woman married just a few weeks shy of 38 years and I can tell any intelligent man how to attract and marry an intelligent woman. This bozo article is garbage and so are some of the replies to it.
A lot of very simple rules apply and no one has yet mentioned any of them.
The trick is to get to know the other person, BEFORE launching into some convoluted discussion.
And here's another good hint....GET TO KNOW ALL ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON'S INTERESTS/HOBBIES. It will make for a lifetime of happiness for both. :-)
I agree with you and have no doubt you are sincere. That being said, a lot of what has emasculated men is well-intentioned (and some bad intentioned) advice from women regarding what women want.
So the advice that many women (not all women) give is cliched and hackneyed, more 'what they think women want,' as opposed to 'what women really respond sexually to.'
The two are not always consistent, and in fact often not aligned well at all. A lot of well meaning women give advice consistent with the former mandate, and not the latter mandate.
You bet they are !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)
This smart woman requests.....PUNCTUATION, please. Or rewrite the darned thing.
LOL! It's great when it all works out, isn't it? That's another dirty little dating secret, too, imo. A good deal of success in finding the right person is just luck. You can meet someone who-in almost every respect-is really awesome, but there is just that magic "something" missing. Then you meet someone else who has almost identical qualities, but they have "it"...that little spark that makes chemistry between you.
How depressing is that, when you have to ask the question, "What do they have that I don't?" and the answer is "I don't know, they just do. Better luck next time." Ugh. I'm so glad I'm married! :)
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