The Rise of Big Sister-ism

April 2, 2005 | Carey Roberts

[CareyRoberts]

I have seen their shell-shocked eyes and unbelieving expressions.

Men saddled with crushing child support obligations, forced to live on scraps or else fall into a desperate sea of mounting debt. A few of them are white-collar guys who once held respectable jobs and lived in comfortable houses.

Time marches forward, and the cases only become more bizarre.

Steve Barreras paid $20,000 to support his daughter, a girl he had never met. In fact, she didn’t even exist. His ex-wife Viola Trevino took another family’s daughter to court and claimed the child as hers. New Mexico governor Bill Richardson has now ordered an investigation.

In Michigan, Terrace Hale had $300 garnished from each paycheck for three years. The money went to support a woman he's never met to raise a child he's never fathered. Now, Marilyn Stephen, director of the Michigan Office of Child Support, refuses to give Mr. Hale’s money back.

Then there are those cases of adolescent boys who were victimized twice. First by their adult female rapists, and then by an inflexible child support system that came knocking [www.ifeminists.net/introduction/editorials/2004/0310roberts.html].

The voice of justice and outrage asks, How could this happen in America?

The answer can be found in our nation’s 30-year crusade to extract child support payments from mostly minority, low-income fathers, men who now bear the contemptuous epithet, “Deadbeat Dads.”

Last year professor Stephen Baskerville of Howard University probed the allegations that have been leveled against these “deadbeats.” His must-read article, “Is There Really a Fatherhood Crisis?,” reached some surprising conclusions [www.independent.org/tii/ media/pdf/tir_08_4_baskerville.pdf]:

Charge #1: Most marriages break up because fathers “have chosen to abandon their children,” as president Bill Clinton once put it.

Not true. Margaret Brinig and Douglas Allen found that women file for divorce in 70% of cases. Likewise, Arizona State University psychologist Sanford Braver reports in his book Divorced Dads that two out of three divorces are initiated by women.

Charge #2: When women do leave the marriage, it’s to escape domestic violence and abuse.

False. The number one reason cited by divorcing moms, according to Braver, is “not feeling loved or appreciated,” and not anything to do with violence.

Charge #3: Dads don't pay their child support because they don't care about their kids.

Absurd. A 1998 Rutgers and University of Texas study concluded: “many of the absent fathers who state leaders want to track down and force to pay child support are so destitute that their lives focus on finding the next job, next meal, or next night’s shelter.” The problem is not dads who are dead-beats, the problem is men who are dead-broke.

Charge #4: Kids don’t really need their dads, anyway.

Absolutely false. This is the most scurrilous myth of all, because the truth is the polar opposite, and the harmful effects on children are so great. “Virtually every major social pathology has been linked to fatherless children: violent crime, drug and alcohol abuse, truancy, unwed pregnancy, suicide, and psychological disorders,” notes Baskerville.

It is no coincidence that all four of these myths place fathers in a bad light. And that suits the Divorce Industry – that veritable army of lawyers, family court judges, custody evaluators, and child support enforcers -- just fine.

These myths have become so ingrained in our thinking that basic Constitutional protections are being casually tossed aside. One brief on child support from the Left-leaning National Conference of State Legislatures made this stunning recommendation: “The burden of proof may be shifted to the defendant,” which of course means, “Fathers can be assumed to be guilty until proven innocent.”

Of course, it’s divorce that triggers the monstrous child support machinery to lurch into motion. The rise of no-fault, unilateral divorce does not trouble the Sisterhood. In fact, they welcome it.

Over the past 50 years, the National Association of Women Lawyers has spearheaded the adoption of no-fault divorce legislation throughout the country, laws that made marital dissolution that much easier. The NAWL now notes with satisfaction, “the ideal of no-fault divorce became the guiding principle for reform of divorce laws in the majority of states.”

A growing divorce rate. Disenfranchised dads. Children lacking paternal guidance and protection. An ever-expanding child support apparatus. Careless disregard of Constitutional protections. A growing totalitarian mindset.

That’s the Matriarchy at work.

[thombo]

What's the big plan?

[Rca2000]

You're smart, you can figure it out.

Here's a hint:: the "big plan", goes back to the old "soviet union" days.

[apackof2]

And, judging by some of the FReeper women around here, probably a lot of them, would think "that sounds fair", to make a man pay for some other woman's kids,

Really? That's surprising, care to name any of these FReeper women?

[thombo]

We're already subsidizing a substantial portion of our population as it is.IMO Our society is heading steadily towards a socialist state,with males at the bottom rung.

[Rca2000]

I can't do that, I am just a dumb man, who can't read, remember?(never mind, that I was reading at four years old, my sisters first-grade books, or that I was HELD BACK, in second grade, because I was reading SIXTH GRADE LEVEL, and was many pages in front of the class)

Seriously, I have seen some posts here, talking about "I like things better than they used to be" (regarding feminism). I hear that, from liberal women with whom, I can't have much of a conversation about issues. Maybe I did jump to conclusions, a little.

[apackof2]

Ok take a deep breath I am a friend not foe
I am just surprised that any true Freeperettes would maintain such a position.....hopefully they will get an education here

[GraceCoolidge]

I think you make some excellent points, and I agree there are good and bad stories on either side. I think generally, men probably do get the short end of the stick on custody and child support issues. If I'm not mistaken, statistically, men who actively litigate custody tend to do well, however. One possible reason, though, is that a man would have to have an "extra super" case to litigate (to feel he has a chance to overcome embedded bias in the courts). On the other hand, contrary to what I've sometimes read here, I don't see a lot of women suddenly becoming wealthy through divorce and, frankly, not every man is a victim, any more than every woman is. It seems to me the biggest problem is the lack of accountability for child support by the recipient. I suspect a lot of parents would not be as opposed to paying child support if they could be assured it was truly going to better the standard of living for their child, rather than their ex.

I would, though, caution people about the statistic of who "initiates" divorce (husband or wife). I suspect that it is based on a basic tally of who filed the divorce action, and I don't think that is a fair assessment. For instance, in your case, when your husband was abusive and unfaithful, if you filed for divorce, is it fair to say that you "sought" the divorce? I'd say the party at fault is at least as much the one "seeking" the end of the marriage in such a case. Or, in a no fault divorce, it may just depend on who gets around to filing first. I just don't put much stock in that statistic.

[freecopper01]

They wouldn't. He was just mouthing off and got caught up short when challenged to present evidence of what he was ranting about.

Men like him give men (in general) a bad name.

[Rca2000]

Yeah, you know so much, don't you. Sorry, but it WAS on this board, where I have seen thiose kind of things(threads like the ones a few days ago, about women,conservatism,or something similar, and other similar ones )

What do you mean, I give men a bad name? NOTHING I mentioned, has not been said, by women, go look at the threads about the "vaigna monologues", if you think women don't feel that way about men, or just STFU!!

[Rca2000]

sorry my spelling was in error. I am not perfect. I meant"those threads about the vagina monologues".

[blueminnesota]

This is a very reasonable assessment. The Family Courts are biased against men in many instances but some of the hyperbole and whining here is ridiculous. It sounds like the affirmative action "victims of society" crowd instead of conservatives. Divorce, child support problems and broken families are almost always caused by irresponsible people of both genders and it's not a women/men are evil type thing. And for every single mother on welfare there is a father out there not taking responsiblity for his children. It's a matter of good ethics and a lot of people just don't have them.

As for there being more magazines out there for women, well, more women tend to read magzines. If there was as big a market for men's magazines then someone would publish them. It's a matter of demand creates supply, the free market. Or maybe you want the government to dictate 50%/50% men's/women's magazines.

I can't stand it when real conservative values get undermined by personal agendas. Personal responsibilities. Free market.

[familyop]

...especially when abortion is the most common preventable cause of breast cancer. ...and when most organizations that are called "pro-life" are really full of feminazis who refuse to outlaw abortion, just as Susan B. Anthony did. They blame and persecute husbands, instead.

http://www.abortionbreastcancer.com/start/

http://www.sacredheart.edu/news/archives/foster/
[See "enforcement of child support and, the Violence Against Women Act," end of third paragraph.]

http://mensnewsdaily.com/archive/l/lemasters/lemasters120203.htm
[Follow the "prohibiting abortion" link, then use "root of the evil" as a keyphrase to search the loaded legal document for the Susan B. Anthony quote and citation. She was against outlawing abortion.]

Use the info, Carry. We need to "duplicate efforts" and do so often. Such repetition is essential.

[familyop]

"Use the info, Carry. We need to "duplicate efforts" and do so often. Such repetition is essential."

Er, Carey, even. ...apology.

[freecopper01]

I'll say it again. "You give men (in general) a bad name."

Potty mouth.

"Little boy, you might want to go home and have your mommy give you a bandaid for your booboo."

[Rca2000]

I apologize for the name(abbreviated) calling Some FRepers told me to stop being such a "nice guy", and more of a "bad boy".

BUT-- you still have not told me, and seem to refuse to do so, HOW do I give all men(in general)a bad name?

[conservative cat]

For instance, in your case, when your husband was abusive and unfaithful, if you filed for divorce, is it fair to say that you "sought" the divorce? I'd say the party at fault is at least as much the one "seeking" the end of the marriage in such a case.

That's exactly it. Legally, I initiated the divorce, but he was the one who initiated the end of the marriage. The bad thing about initiating, too, is that usually you end up accruing a lot more legal expenses. My legal expenses were almost double his because we had to do all the paperwork, the filing, the serving, and the research. (And believe me, I did every last bit of footwork they let me do on my own.) I also made the mistake of borrowing from my parents to pay my legal expenses, too, so I was technically paid up. Since my bill was current with my lawyer, they wouldn't consider making him help pay some of my legal expenses (even though I had twice as much to pay as him and the divorce was his fault!) As soon as we got our divorce settlements (I had to sell the house), I had to pay all of that back to my parents. Sorry to go on, but the system is broken.

[Rca2000]

I really can't see how you had much of a choice, unless you wanted to play "doormat",for him. I know some here think I make all men look bad, but I do NOT think a woman(or man) should have to live with another, in marriage, who is just using them as " a place to rest", till they go to their next score.

I personally know a man, who is into drugs, cannot hold a job, and who does not treat his wife well. Still, she stays with him.

As for my views on marriage, I feel that the way marriage used to be looked at is the way it should be-- for life(unless one partner cheats, or walks away),and with NO "side dishes", I mean, why take the vows, if you are not going to be faithful, and STAY that way?

But then--I make all (in general) men look bad, so what do I know?

[El Gato]

while men magazines tell guys how to get flat abs/good stereos/....

Most, but not all, of the "men's magazines" on the stands at the local WalMart's and HEB's here in Texas seem to concentrate on Fishing, Hunting, Guns and Cars, not necessarily in that order.

[PeterPuck]

I think you misunderstood or you were given bad advice. I really doubt any freepers were telling you to start being an a**hole. That is at least the 3rd time you have told someone to STFU.

Very ironic for someone who talks about how important Christ is and comes across with a holier-than-thou attitude.

[El Gato]

I wasn't aware of the problems kids have without a Dad.

Been living under a rock somewhere? This started even before the "Great Society" programs of LBJ, although up until then it main affected big city women on welfare, who couldn't get their welfare if there was an able bodied man in the house. So they kicked Dad out, and then found that with the Welfare they didn't need him...although their kids did and the mothers still haven't figured that out in many cases. Now there have been several generations of kids without fathers. Helps explain the rise of the gangs (not that some gangs haven't always been around), the prevalence of the "B word" in rap music and rap's general hostility to women. The women see the men as sperm donors, and the men see the women as little better than Rosy Palm's that talk. Real healthy climate that...NOT.