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For instance, in your case, when your husband was abusive and unfaithful, if you filed for divorce, is it fair to say that you "sought" the divorce? I'd say the party at fault is at least as much the one "seeking" the end of the marriage in such a case.

That's exactly it. Legally, I initiated the divorce, but he was the one who initiated the end of the marriage. The bad thing about initiating, too, is that usually you end up accruing a lot more legal expenses. My legal expenses were almost double his because we had to do all the paperwork, the filing, the serving, and the research. (And believe me, I did every last bit of footwork they let me do on my own.) I also made the mistake of borrowing from my parents to pay my legal expenses, too, so I was technically paid up. Since my bill was current with my lawyer, they wouldn't consider making him help pay some of my legal expenses (even though I had twice as much to pay as him and the divorce was his fault!) As soon as we got our divorce settlements (I had to sell the house), I had to pay all of that back to my parents. Sorry to go on, but the system is broken.

I really can't see how you had much of a choice, unless you wanted to play "doormat",for him. I know some here think I make all men look bad, but I do NOT think a woman(or man) should have to live with another, in marriage, who is just using them as " a place to rest", till they go to their next score.

I personally know a man, who is into drugs, cannot hold a job, and who does not treat his wife well. Still, she stays with him.

As for my views on marriage, I feel that the way marriage used to be looked at is the way it should be-- for life(unless one partner cheats, or walks away),and with NO "side dishes", I mean, why take the vows, if you are not going to be faithful, and STAY that way?

But then--I make all (in general) men look bad, so what do I know?