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To: conservative cat
I think you make some excellent points, and I agree there are good and bad stories on either side. I think generally, men probably do get the short end of the stick on custody and child support issues. If I'm not mistaken, statistically, men who actively litigate custody tend to do well, however. One possible reason, though, is that a man would have to have an "extra super" case to litigate (to feel he has a chance to overcome embedded bias in the courts). On the other hand, contrary to what I've sometimes read here, I don't see a lot of women suddenly becoming wealthy through divorce and, frankly, not every man is a victim, any more than every woman is. It seems to me the biggest problem is the lack of accountability for child support by the recipient. I suspect a lot of parents would not be as opposed to paying child support if they could be assured it was truly going to better the standard of living for their child, rather than their ex.

I would, though, caution people about the statistic of who "initiates" divorce (husband or wife). I suspect that it is based on a basic tally of who filed the divorce action, and I don't think that is a fair assessment. For instance, in your case, when your husband was abusive and unfaithful, if you filed for divorce, is it fair to say that you "sought" the divorce? I'd say the party at fault is at least as much the one "seeking" the end of the marriage in such a case. Or, in a no fault divorce, it may just depend on who gets around to filing first. I just don't put much stock in that statistic.

27 posted on 04/02/2005 5:48:50 PM PST by GraceCoolidge
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To: GraceCoolidge
This is a very reasonable assessment. The Family Courts are biased against men in many instances but some of the hyperbole and whining here is ridiculous. It sounds like the affirmative action "victims of society" crowd instead of conservatives. Divorce, child support problems and broken families are almost always caused by irresponsible people of both genders and it's not a women/men are evil type thing. And for every single mother on welfare there is a father out there not taking responsiblity for his children. It's a matter of good ethics and a lot of people just don't have them.

As for there being more magazines out there for women, well, more women tend to read magzines. If there was as big a market for men's magazines then someone would publish them. It's a matter of demand creates supply, the free market. Or maybe you want the government to dictate 50%/50% men's/women's magazines.

I can't stand it when real conservative values get undermined by personal agendas. Personal responsibilities. Free market.
31 posted on 04/02/2005 6:31:11 PM PST by blueminnesota
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To: GraceCoolidge
For instance, in your case, when your husband was abusive and unfaithful, if you filed for divorce, is it fair to say that you "sought" the divorce? I'd say the party at fault is at least as much the one "seeking" the end of the marriage in such a case.

That's exactly it. Legally, I initiated the divorce, but he was the one who initiated the end of the marriage. The bad thing about initiating, too, is that usually you end up accruing a lot more legal expenses. My legal expenses were almost double his because we had to do all the paperwork, the filing, the serving, and the research. (And believe me, I did every last bit of footwork they let me do on my own.) I also made the mistake of borrowing from my parents to pay my legal expenses, too, so I was technically paid up. Since my bill was current with my lawyer, they wouldn't consider making him help pay some of my legal expenses (even though I had twice as much to pay as him and the divorce was his fault!) As soon as we got our divorce settlements (I had to sell the house), I had to pay all of that back to my parents. Sorry to go on, but the system is broken.

36 posted on 04/02/2005 8:22:33 PM PST by conservative cat
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