Posted on 04/02/2005 4:36:04 AM PST by gobucks
"Don't you dare guilt your wife into having a natural childbirth!", I am told by a nice woman I know at church. I have known this lady for some time, and we have never talked politics. Suddenly, my wife is hot political topic #1. And though the politics are 'under the radar', my wife is clearly a target in the ongoing cultural war.
Until my wife started to dramatically enlarge during this last trimester, comments like these had been few. Now, it is a torrent. "What hospital? What OB? You are getting an epidural, right? What brand of formula do you plan to use (as if we will collapse immediately into the arms of the Enfamil salesman)? You are not going to breast feed too long, are you? Are you on a waiting list yet for infant day care?"
My wife and I, married over 10 years with all kinds of issues associated with getting pregnant are about to be parents of a boy in a few weeks. We are of course, thrilled and overjoyed.
But the political overtones of how we bring him into the world are just unreal. The unending stream of opinion and advice about it, with over 95 percent of it being something like this: "don't be stupid. Get the epidural." We have yet to have a single woman report to us that having her baby in a fully undrugged state was a good idea.
Why is labor today so terrifying for women? Why is it that husbands are being taught that encouraging a woman to experience a full unmedicated delivery is akin to treating her like a barbarian? Heck, I've told my wife I am not the one having the baby, and thus, I'm not about to dictate to her how it should be done; I simply said I like the idea of natural childbirth and that is it. Why is this so politically incorrect? Why are hordes of women pouring out of the woodwork yelling at us to make sure she gets the drugs, the epidural?
What the heck is going on such that bringing a child into the world has to be so .... upsetting?
And these are women at my church! I can just imagine what a hapless secular woman in some lonely cul-de-sac must endure.
I'm a typical Chistian man with a very pregnant wife. I have an atypical enthusiasm for most things associated with FreeRepublic. I'm looking for reports from any of you husbands (or their wives) out there have experienced the kind of unreal cultural pressure my wife and I have undergone as this last trimester winds down.
I have googled around, looking for articles about this - and it is just about nada. Mostly stuff on teen pregnancy and abortion. Zilch regarding ordinary married folks who are being pressured to have a 'modern' birth experience.
I'm I the only one who is seeing how a pregnant woman is somehow a political lightning rod these days?
First of all, congratulations to both you and your wife!!!
Secondly, one of the real bizarre things about the pain of childbirth is that it is almost immediately forgotten.
I've given birth (and forgotten) and have been there where another was giving natural birth. The mother begged earnestly for me to kill her and the guy who did it to her. At the moment, she was serious. But within a few minutes after birth, it was like it had never happened.
IMHO, you ought not be concerned one way or the other. Whatever pain is felt, whatever curses uttered, whatever anger swells - it'll all be forgotten anyway. But please do not take it personally.
"Tell your wife that pain is just weakness, leaving the body."
I never did tell you, but I really, really enjoyed that one ...
So many of you responded to my request for thoughts about this topic a few weeks ago, but I couldn't respond to all. So, to all of you, my sincere thanks for your words, and forbearance.
Freepers tend to be wonderfully forthcoming with helpful info. It took awhile to put together the full ping list, but I wanted to reply to all, and if I missed, or added, names I shouldn't have, please pardon me.
Here's a basic Freeper Summary regarding my request - (if I sound dry and engineer-like in tone, please, recall that it is a man writing this!):
1. Natural Childbirth seems to be the preferred method of choice in Freeper land when possible. True, many reports exist otherwise, and there is virtually unanimous agreement a good OB should be nearby to leverage help as may be needed, as we plan to do.
I was astounded by how many of you reported the natural road, and how encouraging you were regarding that pathway. I shared it all w/ Mrs. Gb, who takes a dim view of how much time I spend on FR - in this case, she liked it a lot.
I very much appreciated the reports of how natural also seemed to have a dramatic impact about how alert the baby was upon birth; (we have learned that hospitals will no longer outright state that epidural meds don't affect the baby - that was a surprise.)
2. Several of you used a visit to the dentist as a way to pierce through my thickheadedness regarding our preference - bottom line, we don't think having a baby has anything to do with elective surgury or cavities or anything like that ... for none of those things has a baby as the product.
Now, that said, if my wife has to be given pit, chances are likely better than 50/50 some kind of pain relief will be required, so we see that. Everyone here pretty much agreed pitocin creates excessive levels of pain. Our goal, however, is to minimize the chance that will be necessary.
One other item; in Bradley, we have heard that the traditional labor position, sitting up in bed, is absolutely a sure fire way to make it hurt much worse than it should, and take longer. Basically the angle is wrong. Walking, birthing ball, etc, all seem to be the best things as long as possible. 'GRAVITY' is your friend I was told.
3. We have confirmed that, somehow, women are being trained to think that pain in childbirth is somehow 'bad'. This gets back to the political angle of it. Why should a woman be trained to equate the arrival of her child as exactly the same kind of sensation as a root canal? Who looks forward to the after math of a root canal? My point: it is the attitude toward the child .... as a society, we are way, way too anti-kid in everything. (I loved the freeper name 'television is just wrong').
4. After 3 Bradley classes, I can report total astonishment at some of the information I have been getting. 94 percent of the couples who complete the Husband-coached child birthing class report no meds were used during the labor and birth itself. This number floored me. Also, I was expecting some serious granola action from the teacher ... I was totally surprised to see this not to come true. I think she votes republican even.
5. Busybodies ... yep, they are crawling out of the woodwork, and I am really glad for all the heads up about how much worse it is going to get AFTER the baby arrives.
6. Someone suggested not to forget a mirror for my wife so she could watch .... I would have never thought of that. Thanks!
7. We have found a mid-wife w/i an existing ob practice; she's done this thousands of times ... and we're looking forward to her help; the OB will be in reserve of course as needed, but the m-wife was totally on board about bradley .... and supportive.
Many OBs, otoh, we have heard, are outright hostile to the method, b/c of ugly birthing room scenes by the husband when things were getting dicey. The OB wants 100 percent control at all times .... and liability is of course something that drives all this. We're of course sympathetic to that; but we're glad we have a m-wife b/c we suspect our chances of full natural will be much higher. (Unfortunately, she wears a toe ring, and she's over 50 ... now that clash ... sorry ladies, but if you are sporting a toe ring and that many years, well .....). One last thing; once his head emerges, I will be able to put my hands down there and 'catch' as it were on the last push. Don't think that would be allowed w/ and OB, and I am really, really looking forward to that part.
8. A few folks suggested I was seeing politcal ghosts in all this. I respectfully disagree. There is something fundamental about trust, institutions, 'Doctors', and the legal system which is intersecting our one story. We find definitely that a large number of folks believe in 'rules', and when we stray outside of the 'rules' we're in effect setting an example. Some people want everyone else to be setting the same example all the time ... that way they feel 'ok'. That's all I meant by this being part of the culture war. (Sort of similar to the home schooling thing I suspect.)
9. Circumcision: I would welcome more comments about this ... I figure we'll just do the routine as the hospital suggests, but still ...
10. Practice ahead of time cutting the cord ... the actual moment of cutting is rather emotional. Also, let the cord stop pulsating prior to clamps.
11. We heard in our Br. class that giving the LD nurse a box of chocolates immediately upon arriving in our LD is better than waiting until it is all over. We think this idea is unbelievably good and are doing it.
12. We learned that any kind of medication tends to make L and D last longer.
13. Freepers many many times said that natural childbirth required soft voices, steady, constant encouragement, and no barking of any orders of any kind ... that will be a bit new for me, as I tend to bark. But, the message has been driven home everywhere so I intend to be more soothing than Garrison Keiollor's voice the whole time.
14. Many of you said Pray ... and though this is number 14 in the list, it's not in reality. Thanks for bumping to it so often.
15. In this area, the evidence, and opinion is hands down breat feeding, ideally for a year. I could write a whole article about this topic; the incredible pressure to get a baby on a bottle is just unreal, especially if the baby is more than a year old; the breast route is the best route and we're taking it for sure.
16. Post-birth: someone mentioned to me that LD nurses get hasty and way too rough kneading the stomach of the mother to get the uterus to contract faster ... I'm going to be watching out for over enthusiasm in this area.
17. From Bradley class: 'visualize' the various body operations required for the baby to come out actually happening. Reminds me a LOT of the requirements for a good golf shot. I think I'm going to bring my putter to the delivery room for inspiration. Mrs. Gb finds these golf metaphors useful ... but not always...
18. Reports are that sex and lots of it toward the end are a good thing .... one OB flat out said late babies are common among those who abstain. Hmmmm.... don't know what to say to that war daddy given your information .. but will keep it in mind...
Well enough. I have this large list now of freeper names, and will post sometime in Mid June, God willing, 'My Pregnant Wife II' to report on using the Bradley method and what the results were of attempting the natural route. Again thanks to you all ...
(for those of you who have read this far, mrs. gb is at that big event in a first time mom's life ... her Baby Shower. I have no idea how long this tradition has been around, and I have heard some very odd stories about tape measures and what not.
I would be glad to hear any politcally related stories about Baby Showers (for I disagree to whoever said, just about everyting is political ... I bet democratic baby showers are a heck of a lot different than republican baby showers ... but I haven't been to any and never intend to be caught dead at one. Anyway, she'll be back in a few hours, and I figured she'd be amused to know I pinged about the subject).
Sounds like you're ready to go. Please keep us posted and do start a new thread when the new little Freeper makes his/her first appearance!
I very much appreciated the reports of how natural also seemed to have a dramatic impact about how alert the baby was upon birth; (we have learned that hospitals will no longer outright state that epidural meds don't affect the baby...
Hmmmm. Imagine that
Baby showers are extremely noisy affairs. Too many females with screechy, high pitched voices all in the same room. Avoid them at all costs. (That ought to get me some flames!)
10. Practice ahead of time cutting the cord ... the actual moment of cutting is rather emotional. Also, let the cord stop pulsating prior to clamps.
What are you going to practice on? Have you thought about donating cord blood?
Baby Showers:
"Auntie" Mabelkitty wants to say this - please eliminate the need for co-ed baby showers. In many cases, women who no longer have spouses, but are mothers, are invited to these events, and this is their time to spread wisdom to the next generation and think back to their happy events. Let them have their time and keep the men away. They don't need to be there, and conversation becomes decidedly stifled and edited when men are around. Don't get me wrong - I love 'em, but not at baby showers. Wedding showers, yes.
My two-cents (from spending too much money for other peoples' children at too many showers of people I no longer remember).
As far as pain. I had pitocin with baby 1 and as a "just in case" with baby 2. I was aiting for it to get worse and worse. It wasn't as bad as I thought. With baby 3 I needed a little something to take the edge off. I had Stadall. The nurses did say there may be a need to use oxygen on the baby. There wasn't. It helped by letting me sleep between contractions and I was aware of everything once the doctor came in. It's the only time I ever had a pain killer.
LOL, well put. I have heard it put other ways too. My ex wanted to have a natural child birth, but changed her mind after seeing how much pain she was going through.
PS, there's lots of fun threads around these parts doncha know....
PPS...you seen this? Quite Inspiring (check out how she was born!)
Excellent!
Glad to hear back from you. I found my book, minus its cover.
I highly recommend Methods of Childbirth by Constance Stock. Lot of information about unnecessary interventions, and where they lead.
Don't let the nurses bully you. Some are wonderful, but many are bossy and upsetting. I will be waiting for an update. : )
I'm delighted to see that you and your wife are educating yourselfs on all aspects of labor, delivery, and child care. Getting the mechanics down helps you focus on the joy of being parents.
As for breastfeeding, it is most definitely the way to go...if you can. More than one mother has experienced problems breast feeding. Your wife may experience problems "letting down" her milk, infections in her nipples which leads to "thrush", your child may have problems latching on, or her body may not supply enough milk. Sometimes even a great lactation consultant cannot fix the problem. If your child is getting weaker, not gaining weight, has a mewing cry that doesn't get stronger, or is constantly hungry (wanting to eat more freqently than every two hours), don't be rock solid in insisting on breast feeding if your wife voices concerns over the baby's growth. Trust a mother's instincts; sometimes, a loving mother simply knows..with no medical explanation why, that something is wrong.
If your wife can successfully breast feed, then by all means, rent the Medulla pump. It was a life saver for me while my daughter was in the NICU and being fed through a feeding tube. The first time her breasts let down milk, she will feel like a cow ready to pop.
And yes, she can breast feed asleep. Prop her up with some nice comfy pillows, get her a breast feeding pillow to rest your child on, and let her snooze. Your can cradle your son's head, burp in between, and set him on the other breast. Believe me, sleep is very precious to a new mom!
If nothing else, parenting will teach you that things can change instantly, and you have to adapt and overcome. Like the evening of my daughter's third birthday. I had PLANNED to clean up after the party, get the kids to bed, and read a good book. I was running the bath for the kids, taking a few seconds to use the necessity (things always happen when you try to take a few moments to use the bathroom for yourself, it seems), and all of a sudden my daughter starts screaming. She comes running into the bathroom with blood all over the front of her chest, clutching her hand.
Her brother had slammed her finger in the door and severed the top digit off. Pick up the peice of finger, grab a blanket to wrap around her, and hit the door for the hospital, half dressed, carrying two half dressed kids with me. Hospital did great work, her finger is perfect and whole again.
The moral is: so much for my PLANS. With kids, you just never know, so exercise your flexibility muscles. It will save you lot of greif in the long run.
Thanks for the report, gobucks, and best wishes to you and the Mrs. (especially her :-) for the remainder of the pregnancy!
Regarding breastfeeding, I want to recommend a couple of books:
1. "Bestfeeding," by Mary Renfrew, Chloe Fisher, and Suzanne Arms. This is the most helpful book I've found. I take it with me to the hospital each time I have a baby, because the pictures of positioning a baby for nursing are so detailed.
2. "Nursing Mother's Companion," by Kathleen Huggins. Full of excellent information, not quite as well illustrated.
I suggest your wife spend some time reading up on breastfeeding before delivery. Attending a La Leche League meeting is also helpful. There are a number of other useful books - try your library. Recently published books are fairly consistent in what they recommend, but older doctors and nurses may offer outdated advice. It's good to be prepared and confident in what you're going to do.
Thanks for the ping, gobucks, and best wishes to the three of you!
I recommend any of the Dr. William Sears books, particularly for advice on breastfeeding and "attachment parenting". I found those books very valuable.
I just love the way you are being so analytical about the delievary of your New baby, and I can not wait to her..THE WHOLE STORY...AS SOON AS IT HAPPENS...SO IN MID JUNE..PLEASE.....PLEASE.... Let us know all the details. <
You are just beginning to get un-wanted advice. I am Mrs. Wardaddy and I have had (2) boys, both with an epidural. It worked for me. Your wife will know if she can handle the pain.
I wish all (3) of you the best luck and blessings!
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