My Pregnant Wife: An Unexpected Target in the Culture Wars

Vanity ^ | 2 Apr 05 | gobucks

[gobucks]

"Don't you dare guilt your wife into having a natural childbirth!", I am told by a nice woman I know at church. I have known this lady for some time, and we have never talked politics. Suddenly, my wife is hot political topic #1. And though the politics are 'under the radar', my wife is clearly a target in the ongoing cultural war.

Until my wife started to dramatically enlarge during this last trimester, comments like these had been few. Now, it is a torrent. "What hospital? What OB? You are getting an epidural, right? What brand of formula do you plan to use (as if we will collapse immediately into the arms of the Enfamil salesman)? You are not going to breast feed too long, are you? Are you on a waiting list yet for infant day care?"

My wife and I, married over 10 years with all kinds of issues associated with getting pregnant are about to be parents of a boy in a few weeks. We are of course, thrilled and overjoyed.

But the political overtones of how we bring him into the world are just unreal. The unending stream of opinion and advice about it, with over 95 percent of it being something like this: "don't be stupid. Get the epidural." We have yet to have a single woman report to us that having her baby in a fully undrugged state was a good idea.

Why is labor today so terrifying for women? Why is it that husbands are being taught that encouraging a woman to experience a full unmedicated delivery is akin to treating her like a barbarian? Heck, I've told my wife I am not the one having the baby, and thus, I'm not about to dictate to her how it should be done; I simply said I like the idea of natural childbirth and that is it. Why is this so politically incorrect? Why are hordes of women pouring out of the woodwork yelling at us to make sure she gets the drugs, the epidural?

What the heck is going on such that bringing a child into the world has to be so .... upsetting?

And these are women at my church! I can just imagine what a hapless secular woman in some lonely cul-de-sac must endure.

I'm a typical Chistian man with a very pregnant wife. I have an atypical enthusiasm for most things associated with FreeRepublic. I'm looking for reports from any of you husbands (or their wives) out there have experienced the kind of unreal cultural pressure my wife and I have undergone as this last trimester winds down.

I have googled around, looking for articles about this - and it is just about nada. Mostly stuff on teen pregnancy and abortion. Zilch regarding ordinary married folks who are being pressured to have a 'modern' birth experience.

I'm I the only one who is seeing how a pregnant woman is somehow a political lightning rod these days?

[Politicalmom]

I TOTALLY floored my OBGYN when about three minutes after my first was born I said "I guess we could do this again soon." to my husband. : )

[television is just wrong]

When I was waitressing going through college, a new mom was breastfeeding in the dining room. Someone called me to another table and told me to ask her to stop cause it was nauseating her.


When I had my own children, I would be covered up. It didn't matter peoplelook at you as if they are going to be sick. Breastfeeding is still taboo in a lot of places. We as a society need to get over it. It is a normal natural way for a baby to receive nutrition.

I just ignored the sick women, and it was always women who treated me like that. There is nothing obscene about nourishing your child.

[Bushforlife]

You need to read my posts more carefully.

[Bushforlife]

"Allow me to gloat as you prove my very point.
Midwife takes your bucks and you don't like it."

I have no idea what you are talking about. Do you?

[SamAdams76]

When my wife was pregnant, it seemed that a lot of other women were obsessed over the breast-feeding thing for some strange reason. Her decision to breast-feed caused a lot of controversy. Her own mother said it was disgusting.

Weird.

[wardaddy]

Hospitals and doctors are a good thing

Amen.

You are talking to ghost several times over otherwise.

[Bushforlife]

"You are a misogynist.
You won't do well in your career, as women have taken over the profession.
Or maybe that is why you are.
Got a lady-boss?"

I guess your definition of a mysogynist is a man who won't agree with you or just give in to your whims. In that case you probably encounter considerable misogyny in your daily life.

Your concern for my career is touching. Being self employed, I wouldn't know about bosses. The career I "won't be doing well" with began in 1973, is still going strong. Apparently you are unfamiliar with the concept of someone doing exactly what they always wanting to do, and learning the pitfalls so well that they can perform on a high level without either kissing anyone's butt of compromising their principles.

[Bushforlife]

Once again, your posts are hard to interpret.

[muggs]

Our second was at home, with a midwife, in Texas. My wife hates hospitals so much that she would have had to be drugged to give birth there.

IMO that's the best way if everything is normal.

[Reddy]

OMgoodness, if anesthesia during childbirth has become such a hot button, don't even bring up the "C" word (circumcision for males) in a conversation!

Reddy

FWIW- had 3 boys all natural, all were circumcised and also breastfed. One more in the oven right now, who will be born natural (Lord willing), circumcised (if a male) and breastfed in public! No politics there :)

[Bushforlife]

"My perceptions are truthful and real life experiences and ANYONE that tries to discount them has an alliterative motive."

I try to make all of my posts alliterative but the closest I've come is iambic pentameter which gets cloying after a while.

"My wife and I had "No drugs" on all charts and reports. That didn't stop every hospital employee who came in the door from offering!"

The State of Pennsylvania Department of Health has required all physician to be attentive to pain control issues. There must be regular documentation of degree of pain [measured on a particular scale], and then documentation of what measures were taken to alleviate the pain. Therefore, pain relief attempts must be documented by state mandate.

"I had considerable pain during the delivery. No one at any point offered me pain medication. When I complained about it after the delivery, they stated it said in my admission history that I wouldn't want pain medication. They never thought to consider that I might be having so much pain that I would change my mind. I think this was cold and inconsiderate on the part of the hospital staff; as professionals they should have KNOWN people sometimes experience more pain than they expected and offered it to me. My husband had to go out to the desk and demand pain medicine. the nurse said she would have to speak to the supervisor because it CLEARLY says in the record that I didn't want pain medication."\

Yes, your "perceptions are truthful and real life experiences", but if you perceive that health professionals offering pain medication to patients who are in pain to be a BAD thing, that would be a non-typical perception. Are you saying that they should never have mentioned pain medication so that your resolve while in pain would not weaken and you could remain strong enough to get through a natural childbirth? That;s like getting mad at McDonalds ads when you are on a diet. Have you considered the benefits of natural tooth extraction? People for thousands of years underwent tooth extractions the natural way, without drugs that fog their brain. How better to appreciate the wonders of the body, such as the strength that binds the ligaments of the teeth, if you cant feel every pull and cut?

[Axenolith]

When some idiot asks me if I know "how that happens?" I usually respond "yeah, and I am a master!"

For a real eye opener, throw in "and the money from the videos is unreal!"

[exnavychick]

Are the same anti-epidural folks here anti-Petosin as well?

Speaking only for myself, I personally don't want another epidural (I've had three, and the last one failed...miserably) and I will FLAT OUT refuse Pitocin...I would only agree to it as a last resort. My Pitocin-"enhanced" labors were much, much worse than the ones that were not. I could never get a handle on the pain with those two, and in those cases, I was grateful for the epidurals-since they helped me to focus again. Pitocin is wretched, horrid stuff I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I finally got what people meant when they said they thought they could die of pain. :(

[Mo1]

Why is labor today so terrifying for women?

It's not terrifying .. but it sure hurts like heck *L*

My second child came very fast ... there was no time for an epidural and cried like a baby .. but I got over it

Whatever you and your wife decided is your choice and that is all that counts and don't worry about what others say

Congrats on your soon new arrival

[gobucks]

That's what you think. Dan Brown assured me that my version is right and free of the Catholic/Freemason/Insert organisation here groups... bias. Next the Atlantean astronauts will contact me and ...oh dear, I've already said too much..

I've been gone all day, and want to reply to all these posts, but did I laugh HARD at this. Thanks!!

[Alouette]

My daughter just had her fifth baby, a girl (after 4 sons). After bad hospital experiences, she chose a home birth.

Thank G-D, everything went well and the baby is gorgeous, 9 lbs. 8 oz.

This is my daughter's second home birth. I freaked out the first time she did this, but now she is a "pro."

[gobucks]

Second, what benefits, exactly, do you see in your wife fully experiencing the pain of childbirth?

I'm not sure. My guess, based on lots of reading is that she'll be able to have quite a bit of accurate feedback info regarding when and how hard to push...(if pit must be used, however, after reading all this, I'm thinking an epi will be unavoidable).

But, just as interesting to me, is the reports of the reactions of the babies. They are just more awake, alert, and so forth.

I'm not some hippie waving the tie-dye flag of 'let's go natural'. But, I'm quite struck by the fierceness of attitudes toward childbirth in my small world, and it's nice to see all these replies....

And I do think a great deal of political edge is associated with the whole picture, but it is still kind of fuzzy to me...(but getting a good bit less so w/ this thread).

[Judith Anne]

I was a nurse at two deliveries where the mothers could not be medicated for pain, for medical reasons, and coached them through the deliveries, teaching Lamaze on the fly.

I've also had two children, both "natural" but the for the first I had a paracervical block, which was great while it lasted, though it did wear off.

I like pain meds in general for most women having babies, if they want it, because it's a bit easier on them. For me, it was scary during transition, I wasn't sure that the discomfort was as bad as it would get (transition is when the cervix dilates from 6-10 cm). Once I found out it wouldn't get worse, no more fear.

One big comfort was a large clock with a second hand, so I could count the seconds till the contraction would be over. Hub was with me, and he was great. I had a great OB, really fun and funny guy, we both enjoyed him.

I didn't cry, or scream, but at one point with my first, I did bellow (*embarrassed grin*) or roar or something, then as I saw our son's head come out, I laughed--so did we all!

Birth is great--I was seriously sick with what they called pre-eclampsia both times, and felt awful during my pregnancies, but actually giving birth was an absolutely terrific adventure! My mother had 7 children, both my parents came from families with 10 children, so I was really looking forward to the babies coming.

It WAS labor, the hardest work I've ever done in my entire life. As for pain, well, I've had some of that too, in my life, and giving birth was nowhere near the pain scale of an abscessed wisdom tooth, or a pinched sciatic nerve, for instance. Not being afraid makes the whole thing a lot easier, and knowledge is the best way to not be afraid.

You'll go through it just fine, no matter what decisions you make. It will be wonderful, that much I can assure you. It's messy, and a lot of work, but there are good people around you who will take care of cleaning things up and who will say sweet things, like "You're doing great! You are a wonderful mother! and your baby will be the most wondrous child ever born...