My Pregnant Wife: An Unexpected Target in the Culture Wars

Vanity ^ | 2 Apr 05 | gobucks

[gobucks]

"Don't you dare guilt your wife into having a natural childbirth!", I am told by a nice woman I know at church. I have known this lady for some time, and we have never talked politics. Suddenly, my wife is hot political topic #1. And though the politics are 'under the radar', my wife is clearly a target in the ongoing cultural war.

Until my wife started to dramatically enlarge during this last trimester, comments like these had been few. Now, it is a torrent. "What hospital? What OB? You are getting an epidural, right? What brand of formula do you plan to use (as if we will collapse immediately into the arms of the Enfamil salesman)? You are not going to breast feed too long, are you? Are you on a waiting list yet for infant day care?"

My wife and I, married over 10 years with all kinds of issues associated with getting pregnant are about to be parents of a boy in a few weeks. We are of course, thrilled and overjoyed.

But the political overtones of how we bring him into the world are just unreal. The unending stream of opinion and advice about it, with over 95 percent of it being something like this: "don't be stupid. Get the epidural." We have yet to have a single woman report to us that having her baby in a fully undrugged state was a good idea.

Why is labor today so terrifying for women? Why is it that husbands are being taught that encouraging a woman to experience a full unmedicated delivery is akin to treating her like a barbarian? Heck, I've told my wife I am not the one having the baby, and thus, I'm not about to dictate to her how it should be done; I simply said I like the idea of natural childbirth and that is it. Why is this so politically incorrect? Why are hordes of women pouring out of the woodwork yelling at us to make sure she gets the drugs, the epidural?

What the heck is going on such that bringing a child into the world has to be so .... upsetting?

And these are women at my church! I can just imagine what a hapless secular woman in some lonely cul-de-sac must endure.

I'm a typical Chistian man with a very pregnant wife. I have an atypical enthusiasm for most things associated with FreeRepublic. I'm looking for reports from any of you husbands (or their wives) out there have experienced the kind of unreal cultural pressure my wife and I have undergone as this last trimester winds down.

I have googled around, looking for articles about this - and it is just about nada. Mostly stuff on teen pregnancy and abortion. Zilch regarding ordinary married folks who are being pressured to have a 'modern' birth experience.

I'm I the only one who is seeing how a pregnant woman is somehow a political lightning rod these days?

[Carolinamom]

#316 LOL...thanks for that laugh! I once saw a cartoon w/the mother sitting in the play pen and the children outside of it!

[workerbee]

So my opinion is propaganda...but your opinion is fact and not propaganda.

My opinion is my opinion, period. If you read my replies, you can see that I give full discretion to the woman on which way she chooses to go -- meds, no meds, whatever. Childbirth isn't a contest to see who can suffer more stoically. You OTOH made a blanket statement that "an epidural will affect your baby." Since numerous women on this thread -- and millions off it -- have delivered babies with no ill effects, I would say, yes, you're statment is propaganda and a disservice to a woman going into childbirth for the first time, who has no idea what she will ultimately feel or experience. I think it's wonderful that you had the childbirth that you wanted via Bradley, but that isn't going to be the case for everyone and no one should be made to feel guilty over it.

[TheMom]

"Hell, we haven't had time to read the book."

That's funny.

[exnavychick]

Too funny, and too true. :)

[beaversmom]

Ping to post #316

TX--I may have already sent the funny in post #316 to you some time ago. Maybe you will enjoy it again.

[Mark17]

But why is it that nearly all women, and their husbands, are being taught that labor pain MUST be drugged away?

My ex wanted a natural, undrugged delivery. It did not work out. The pain was so bad, she asked to be drugged.

[Caipirabob]

Some smart-aleck college punk made a crude remark from a passing car about my... uh... "prowess." THAT one did get me PO'd, but the rest were really insignificant in the scheme of things.

Methinks the punk had a better chance at Lotto than figuring out who his own father was.

[ShadowDancer]

Never been in a delivery room, have you?

[Bushforlife]

How about six times personally [allowed by the OB guy to catch three of them] and a couple of dozen times professionally.

[AZLiberty]

Go for natural. Our first was at a birth center in a house close to Stanford Hospital. Our second was at home, with a midwife, in Texas. My wife hates hospitals so much that she would have had to be drugged to give birth there.

Don't miss out on squatting as a technique to complete the birth. Whoever thought lying on your back was a great way to push a baby out had no understanding of gravity, and must have been a salesman for epidural kits.

The kids are 14 and almost 18 by now.

[ShadowDancer]

Since you've been there, how can you have witnessed what she was going through physically and still say you have a problem with a woman saying something she regrets in that moment? Are you that much of a Nancy boy that you are offended that easily?

[Proud 2BeTexan]

Most men I've met seem to have a better sense of humor than you apparently do, and see the funny side of their wives letting off steam during labor.

And, just for the record, when my husband is sick, he's no fun to be around either. I've learned to just let him be until he feels better.

The consideration goes both ways. We can joke about what a grouch he is when he feels bad, and we can joke about how he learned that it's best to keep silence while I'm laboring to bring our child into the world!

[Bushforlife]

"Since you've been there, how can you have witnessed what she was going through physically and still say you have a problem with a woman saying something she regrets in that moment? Are you that much of a Nancy boy that you are offended that easily?"

Gosh, a "Nancy Boy". That's a new one.

Once again, your position is that "as a man" a guy should just shut up and take whatever a woman does when she's under stress or not feeling well or whatever. In other words, we have to "make allowances for the ladies", a ridiculous double standard by which women are allowed all sorts of unacceptable offensive behavior [even up to and including slapping a man], in situations where they are under stress or pain, that would NEVER be tolerated in a man under equivalent circumstances, and which might in a man also have legal consequences. Let's just see a man call a woman a really offensive profanity and/or hit her when he's in a bed writing from a kidney stone; I'm sure you would maintain that this is acceptable for him to do, and that she would be just a "Nancy girl" [or whatever the equivalent would be for a woman] if she objected to it.

In reality, you adopt a position of a double standard in which a woman is allowed to abuse a man under circumstances in which, if the roles were reversed, a man would NEVER be allowed. Are you maintaining that women have some sort of emotional instability problem that must be allowed for, like a family tolerating the antics of the crazy aunt in the family? If so, this is a demeaning portrait you paint of women.

Although I would never engage in a dispute with my wife in those circumstances, what I HAVE done is to reply to her when she would border on abusiveness in times of stress or pain or whatever in the following manner: "it's ok honey. I know you're being abusive and inappropriate only because you're in pain." In contradistinction to your opinions, I'm not going to just sit there and be made a fool of, or like a "Nancy Boy" just accept whatever she dishes out. It would take only one or two instances of my pointing out indirectly that she was being inappropriate to cause that behavior to cease. You however may choose to just tolerate being made a fool of; if it works for you, then that's ok.

[ShadowDancer]

Once again, your position is that "as a man" a guy should just shut up and take whatever a woman does when she's under stress or not feeling well or whatever.

I never said that. I said this is one exception that anyone with half a brain would make. You are taking one instance of incredible pain and agony and transferring it to every aspect of human life. You are doing that, not me.

Although I would never engage in a dispute with my wife in those circumstances, what I HAVE done is to reply to her when she would border on abusiveness in times of stress or pain or whatever in the following manner: "it's ok honey. I know you're being abusive and inappropriate only because you're in pain."

ROTFL. You live in one freaked out world. And after reading what you wrote, if you honestly spoke to your wife that way when she was giving birth to your child, you are not only a Nancy boy, you are a first class ass. I never said one harsh word to my husband during either of my deliveries but I can tell you something, he wouldn't have gotten his undies in a bunge or had his sensibilites crushed if I had. One of you two lives in reality and it isn't you.

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

Since numerous women on this thread -- and millions off it -- have delivered babies with no ill effects...

That is true. But while everyone is affected differently by any substance that goes into their bodies, one fact is clear; A fetus is affected by every chemical introduced into the mother's body. What form those effects take is anybody's guess.
Millions may have delivered children with no ill effects from an epidural. But I have yet to read the results of a single study that states it has no effect on every child. The benefits are always spoken of in terms of the mother. Though there is much evidence that it does have an effect on the newborn...some definitive, some anecdotal to be sure...but hard to ignore. I know anesthesiologists who come down on either side of the question. A prospective parent needs to read the available wealth of information and decide on their own. Even a Bradley Method teacher will not tell an expectant mother that they must not have the epidural. We were presented with the best info available and decided on our own.

My initial statement was not intended to inflame or scare anyone.
As such, perhaps I should have phrased it more carefully.
There is anecdotal evidence that an epidural applied to the mother can have some effects on the child during the birthing process. Whether this effect is temporary or is more lasting is unclear. But I and my wife were unwilling to roll those dice and have never regretted the decision.

[Pan_Yans Wife]

I had natural childbirth, no epidural, baby born in under twenty minutes... no bumps in the road.

Whichever path you chose, I pray the baby and mother will both be healthy and strong.

May God bless you and your family.

[Bushforlife]

I see that you have opinions that you feel quite strongly about. We will just have to disagree I guess about who is an ass.

As for getting one's "undies in a bunge", whatever that is, or having one's "sensibilites crushed", I have never experienced that, although I think you just did.

[k2blader]

"Don't you dare guilt your wife into having a natural childbirth!"

Huh??? ??

[ShadowDancer]

You obviously have if it bothered you so much that your wife wasn't behaving in the manner in which you saw fit while she gave birth to your child. Talk about the world revolving around you.

[DAVEY CROCKETT]

I'm I the only one who is seeing how a pregnant woman is somehow a political lightning rod these days?
= = = = = =

Some of us women just go nuts when others are having babies. You are on the right track with what YOU TWO want. Don't pay attention to anyone, it is just an exciting thing to have a baby and some of us just love talking about it over and over and over! LOL

Now my advise LOL! Love that baby and hold that baby every second you can, he wont be a baby but a second!

I am about to have oh wrong, my son and his wife are about to have my first grandchild, I am so excited I can't stand it and walking a thin line every time I talk to them. Make sure you talk to the baby it can hear, and tell it Grammy loves it a million times a million! What else does the baby need? Do you want me to send a car seat? What about a baby bed? The other grandmother has already got the baby bed, WELL I was going to buy the baby bed. What names have you picked out and on and on and on I go...LOL