My Pregnant Wife: An Unexpected Target in the Culture Wars

Vanity ^ | 2 Apr 05 | gobucks

[gobucks]

"Don't you dare guilt your wife into having a natural childbirth!", I am told by a nice woman I know at church. I have known this lady for some time, and we have never talked politics. Suddenly, my wife is hot political topic #1. And though the politics are 'under the radar', my wife is clearly a target in the ongoing cultural war.

Until my wife started to dramatically enlarge during this last trimester, comments like these had been few. Now, it is a torrent. "What hospital? What OB? You are getting an epidural, right? What brand of formula do you plan to use (as if we will collapse immediately into the arms of the Enfamil salesman)? You are not going to breast feed too long, are you? Are you on a waiting list yet for infant day care?"

My wife and I, married over 10 years with all kinds of issues associated with getting pregnant are about to be parents of a boy in a few weeks. We are of course, thrilled and overjoyed.

But the political overtones of how we bring him into the world are just unreal. The unending stream of opinion and advice about it, with over 95 percent of it being something like this: "don't be stupid. Get the epidural." We have yet to have a single woman report to us that having her baby in a fully undrugged state was a good idea.

Why is labor today so terrifying for women? Why is it that husbands are being taught that encouraging a woman to experience a full unmedicated delivery is akin to treating her like a barbarian? Heck, I've told my wife I am not the one having the baby, and thus, I'm not about to dictate to her how it should be done; I simply said I like the idea of natural childbirth and that is it. Why is this so politically incorrect? Why are hordes of women pouring out of the woodwork yelling at us to make sure she gets the drugs, the epidural?

What the heck is going on such that bringing a child into the world has to be so .... upsetting?

And these are women at my church! I can just imagine what a hapless secular woman in some lonely cul-de-sac must endure.

I'm a typical Chistian man with a very pregnant wife. I have an atypical enthusiasm for most things associated with FreeRepublic. I'm looking for reports from any of you husbands (or their wives) out there have experienced the kind of unreal cultural pressure my wife and I have undergone as this last trimester winds down.

I have googled around, looking for articles about this - and it is just about nada. Mostly stuff on teen pregnancy and abortion. Zilch regarding ordinary married folks who are being pressured to have a 'modern' birth experience.

I'm I the only one who is seeing how a pregnant woman is somehow a political lightning rod these days?

[sausageseller]

Drugs in the mothers blood stream end up in the baby.
When the nurses and OBGYNs are pushing the drugs during child birth they conveniently don't tell of side effects. Also that is a problem with epiderahils. They don't tell of side effects.
My wife had our fourth with a midwife, out in the country at a birth center. Best birth experience we ever had!
Fastest recovery, least stress, cheapest and on and on!

[AniGrrl]

In general, I agree with you about the potential effects of the drugs on babies. In fact, I was admantly natural childbirth as I went into the hospital to have my first baby.

However, I chose a narcotic and an epidural after an long, awful labor as a last ditch effort to avoid a c-section. And it worked very well.

I, too, feared that all that medication would give me a drowsy baby and interfere with bonding and breastfeeding. Nope. My baby lifted her head (!) right after Dad cut the cord and put her on my chest and look right at me and then started to nurse. She was one of the most alert and aware babies the staff nurses and midwives had seen.

So maybe my experience was a fluke, but like everything else in life, the books and classes simplify things.

[Bushforlife]

"The epidural affects the baby. HELLO? The epidural affects the baby.
A drugged baby has trouble finding the breast and latching on and suckling. There should be no surprise here. His first few hours seeing his mama's and daddy's face should not be through a drug-induced stupor."

You have a RIGHT to those beliefs. I don't share them, and will not affirm them as universally applicable.

[sonserae]

Apparently, the epidural makes you be able to experience the birth in a more pleasant way...enjoying the birthing process rather than being in so much pain you are vomiting and screaming.

Epidurals have been used for decades so it's hardly "modern medicine".

[Bushforlife]

"I don't trust mid-wives, they often have a political agenda and can be quite militant."

The danger isn't from bystanders with their innocent remarks. The true danger is from the non-physician "health care providers" with agendas. The question remains as to whether some of these people are objectively acting in the patients interest.

[mabelkitty]

Quit pissing on this thread.

[call meVeronica]

I had my daughter in 1989 at our apartment in San Antonio, TX with a midwife. We did this by choice, for various reasons. I wouldn't have a problem having another child by this method.

I completely respect your desire to do this. I believe it was one of the best experiences I could have gone through. I'm glad I didn't have an insitutional birth with my daughter.

We didn't discuss our plans with anyone outside of our family at the time. People I have told since, really freak out.

God bless you, your wife & new son.

[Izzy Dunne]

That's what they'd like you to believe. Some quotes for you:
From here:

According to the Physician's Desk Reference, the medications used in epidurals cross the placenta by diffusion, which means some of the medication will reach the baby. How much of an effect these medications will have is difficult to judge and could vary based on dosage, how long labor continues and individual babies. Dosages and medications vary, so concrete information from research is lacking. Studies reveal that some babies may initially have trouble "latching on" among other difficulties with breastfeeding. While in-utero, they may become lethargic and have trouble getting into position for delivery. These medications have been known to cause respiratory depression, and decreased fetal heart rate in newborns. Though the medication may not harm the baby, the baby may experience subtle effects like those mentioned above.

And check this out:
Although the drugs used in epidurals are injected around the spinal cord, substantial amounts enter the mother's blood stream, and pass through the placenta into the baby's circulation. Most of the side effects of epidurals are due to these "systemic", or whole-body effects.

[Proud 2BeTexan]

It's been my experience that doctors don't always act in the patient's best interests. It's often the doctor's best interest that comes first. Hence the high rise of 'induced deliveries'.

I found my midwives to be TOTALLY concerned about my best interests. And extremely compentent and professional.

But, YMMV. As I said before, there are bad apples in both barrels.

[HungarianGypsy]

I never had a chance for an epidural if I wanted one. My labors were always quick once I got to transition. I remember with my second baby the nurse couldn't believe that instead of screaming I was just saying, "Owie!" It's a bit unpopular for me to mention to some people that since my first three births were so easy (except for the month of travelling back and forth from the hospital with "false labor". I mean contractions would be two minutes apart. I later found out this was why my full labors were so quick) I had my last two boys at home. Childbirth is painful (so is constipation), but a lot of the problem is not relaxing. It sounds silly, perhaps. But, I noticed it really only hurt last time when I began to panic, because the progress had slowed down.
Honestly, I have a fear of epidurals. The idea of a needle in my back does not sound fun to me. I like to have the freedom to move where I want. I know I hated having an i.v. in the hospital. I have a thing about wanting some freedom for a natural process.

[mother22wife21]

Awww! How beautiful!!!!! What a cutie!!

[petitfour]

I can safely say that pitocin was not necessary for any of the three deliveries where it was used. And the obs would concur. It was all a matter of convenience for the first one. (It was a Friday, and it was rather apparent that I would inconveniently go into labor on the weekend. Because I wanted my doctor to be there, I readily agreed to pitocin.) With the other two, my water broke prior to going to the hospital, and we could have waited for hours before going into real labor. While pitocin wasn't necessary yet, we all wanted labor to commence.

The pain was bad enough with our last that I was on the verge of asking for an epidural. It was, of course, too late for that. We had a baby within minutes of me feeling that way. And the ob turned off the pitocin about that time.

[HungarianGypsy]

When asked if all the kids are hers (what is so stupid is that there are only 5) my wife responds "yeah, but I had to leave most of them at home." When some idiot asks me if I know "how that happens?" I usually respond "yeah, and I am a master!"
The one that always annoys me is when people ask if all my children have the same father. One guy asked just because my son and daughter's eye color is different. It also doesn't help that I look younger than I am with five children. (I feel complimented when people think my older children are my siblings)

[TheMom]

Can't give info on natural birth, both of ours were c-section.

I breast fed our son until he was almost a year old. For some reason I could not produce milk for our daughter. Our son is now 18 and his drink of choice is milk, whereas our daughter (14) prefers anything else.

Pregnant woman & husbands seem to be fair game with rude, thoughtless comments.

I would like to pass on the best piece of advice I received: It's your child, you are the expert! (Meaning use books and articles as guidelines)

Congrats on the baby!! You are in for some of the best years of your life. Oh yeah, and further down the line remember this . . . God made teenagers so obnoxious for the benefit of the parents; it makes it easier when the finally leave home.

[CaptainK]

Why is labor today so terrifying for women?

That's a condescending remark coming from one who will never go through child birth. Hey, how about a vasectomy without painkillers? Think it would ever happen?

The final decision is up to your wife and if she does want a painkiller it's all up to her. I didn't leave the decision up to my husband and I hope she won't be cowed by a husband who seems to see this an an endurance test. If you truly love her you won't make her feel like a failure if she needs help.

[Melas]

Do you practice natural dentistry as well? Natural childbirth should rightly be renamed primitive childbirth.

[Salvation]

May God bless all of you.

[TheMom]

I have two friends that have five children.

One of the got fixed so she would not have anymore. The other says as long as God keeps giving her gifts she will accept them.

Needless to say, I respect the second on more.

[Melas]

Well, of course. But why is it that nearly all women, and their husbands, are being taught that labor pain MUST be drugged away? Why is this dogma so profoundly steeped in our culture?

It's called progress, technology, medicine. I've already asked if you'd like a tooth extractions without novacaine. After all, that's how it used to be done. Why don't you ask why the dogma of novacaine is so steeped in our culture?

Pain management is one of the more immediately beneficial perks of all of our advancements in medicine. I haven't seen a good justification to toss it to the curb yet.

[redheadtoo]

I'm I the only one who is seeing how a pregnant woman is somehow a political lightning rod these days?

It is not just these days. Women talk to other women about childbirth all the time. It has gone on forever. I'll bet that Eve gave birthing advice to her daughters in law.

A typical baby shower has gifts, games, refreshments and a group of women telling the young mother to be their child birthing horror stories. I always go home from these events feeling happy about my own single and childless status.