Girl Bullies' Quiet Style Of Brutality

SFGate ^ | March 1, 2005 | C.W. Nevius

[srm913]

Girls are sneaky.

It happens daily to teenagers, from the tough street girls to the trendy, well-to-do fashionistas. It isn't anything obvious or -- God forbid -- physical, nothing that would ruffle a perfect ponytail. Even teachers on the lookout for it may not know it has happened.

It is just a word, or two. A look. A wink. And then they're gone. No marks, no bruises. Girls aren't like that. They don't fight. They aren't crude or loud.

They are quiet ... and mean.

We all know about bullies -- boys who intimidate their peers, throw a punch, bump books to the ground and shove kids into the wall. They're big and loud. They taunt their victims and dare them to fight back. It's easy to catch.

But do you know what a girl bully looks like?

She's likely to be popular, nicely dressed, every hair in place. And, particularly when speaking to grownups, she may have impeccable manners. Her parents probably have no idea she's one of the mean girls at school.

"They are so subtle,'' says Canadian playwright Joan MacLeod. "They do it through exclusion, innuendo and rumors.''

[cspackler]

I remember my high school days in South Texas fondly. Most of the guys were taught never to hit a lady, and most of the girls were taught never to take crap off a guy.

Resulted in a lot of tough guys with black eyes from their girlfriends. I saw a friend get punched by his girlfriend standing in a parking lot. I could see that deep down inside, he wanted to retaliate, but he didn't. And she knew he wouldn't.

I may have known your wife...

[small_l_libertarian]

It is just a word, or two. A look. A wink. And then they're gone. No marks, no bruises.

And this is bullying HOW? Guh, people are so ridiculous these days.

Ya' know what? Some teenage girls (and some women, too) are bitches. Big freaking surprise. Most of us girls learned how to deal with bitches in about the fourth grade. Anyone who can't handle a bitch (who apparently doesn't do anything more than give you a couple of words, a look or a wink, and doesn't leave marks or bruises) deserves to be "bullied" mercilessly.

(Weak bunch of idiots. Grrrrrr.)

[cinnathepoet]

Wish I'd had a big sister like you when the bully girl across the street pummeled me to pulp.

[Clemenza]

Women are EVIL, EVIL creatures!

[keats5]

"Another bullying tactic in the Internet age is to sign onto a Web site with someone else's screen name and post insulting comments -- a practice known as "flaming." The hurt feelings can start a round of bitter retributions. All the while the schemer who started it all can stand aside, appearing innocent and blameless. "

So, if "Keats5" ever says anything really stupid (again), you'll all know this happened.

[John O]

In our house it's "you're not my best friend". I think she picked it up at pre-school.

Of course at our house that's followed immediately by "No I'm your Father and you will do what I say or I will blister your bottom" Usually followed a short while later by one blistered bottom and one girl doing exactly what I told her to do. She's stubborn but she is learning

[Zhangliqun]

You won't find me defending it. Unfortunately, I see my daughter in this article. I've watched her in action behind the scenes, a little honey here, a little bile there, a whispered word, and voila! Destroyed frendships. It's sad.

Have you done anything about it?

[Vicki]

I would rather work for a man than a woman. Men will come out and just say what they think. Sure it might hurt but it done and over with.

Women spread rumours, make implications, snide remarks and then there's the LOOK.

[Richard Kimball]

It is just a word, or two. A look. A wink. And then they're gone. No marks, no bruises. Girls aren't like that. They don't fight. They aren't crude or loud.

Whoever wrote this hasn't met the right girls.

[riri]

bah, I despise most women. With the exception of my conservative sistahs!

[Tax-chick]

I'm sorry, but where does a 5 year old learn this except at home,

I think it's instinctive. Hardly a day goes by that one of my kids (boys or girls) doesn't tell another, "I'm not playing with you ever again!" (I say, "Good! You always make a mess, anyway!") Of course, they get over it quickly, as you have to when they're your brothers and sisters.

It's natural for people to seek power, attention, or other rewards. It's the job of parents to train children to rise above their natural instincts to become civilized, rational people.

[small_l_libertarian]

Wish I'd had a big sister like you when the bully girl across the street pummeled me to pulp.

You poor thing. I am a big sister and had to defend my sister's honor once. Once.

Every girl deserves a big sister.

[Zhangliqun]

Thanks! :-) We've tried to talk to her about it, but we might as well be talking to the cat for all the good it does. She's one of these teens that has to learn everything the hard way.

Just talking to her clearly isn't going to cut it. She needs to have things taken away from her, and maybe even to be treated this way herself by you.

When she asks why you're doing this, you remind her that she is now the girls she has been bullying and would she like this to continue? And she needs to see fire in your eyes and steam coming out of your ears when you say these things.

[Lee Heggy]

The Bad Seed. Creepy....

http://www.imdb.com/gallery/mptv/1386/Mptv/1386/3280_0105.jpg?path=gallery&path_key=0048977

[PennsylvaniaMom]

Amen Vicky!!!

I know I will get flamed...but alot of those glass ceilings have been installed and glazed by women (who) spread rumours, make implications, snide remarks and then there's the LOOK.

[CatQuilt]

I thought GLSEN was going to take care of all these bullies?!

[keats5]

"Wish I'd had a big sister like you when the bully girl across the street pummeled me to pulp."

Wish I had a big sister who didn't pummel me to a pulp!

[Not A Snowbird]

Have you done anything about it?

Of course we have. Some kids simply refuse to get it, and she's one of them.

She's beginning to see that what goes around, comes around. She now has herself a reputation at school, and people she counted as friends are starting to snub her. That is going to be what changes her attitude, not anything we do.

[mad puppy]

My 3rd grade son is living through some of this type of crap right now. He knows he can't pound this sweet-little-girl that drives not just him, but everyone in his class nuts. They had a run in a while back and little Ms. Innocence earned a shove for which my boy got in trouble. Ms. Sweetie-pie's Mother showed up and went completely crazy with the school officials. At that point, my wife and I AND THE SCHOOL understood the situation very clearly. My son did his time in detention, but that little girl will spend the rest of the school year wondering why she is excluded, watched and suspected. A couple hours of parental investigation on our part showed the true colors of this conniving little princess, and her mother guarantees that she will only get worse.

But cute as a bug.

[antceecee]

My daughter had about 20 girls surround and taunt her outside of a dance class in high school - apparently there were two or three ringleaders who were able to bully the others into going along with the intimidation. It was all about my daughter not allowing one of the ringleaders to cut in front of her in class. They didn't have to throw a punch, but my daughter was pretty shaken up for quite awhile. What really surprised her was the participation of girls who had always been really friendly to her in the past. They went along because they feared having the same done to them. Girls are a lot meaner than boys. They wage psychological warfare.