Posted on 02/17/2005 8:55:56 AM PST by RSmithOpt
We have our practices somewhat established after 26 years. But thanks very much for the advice.
I hear ya. Nothing worse than someone who keeps it all in, racking up points and then nailing you later. Once they know your weakness, your fears, your Achilles heel, then they have you.
Some of the most brutal, vicious and damaging verbal attacks I have ever heard were from males.
"Women who reported usually or always keeping their feelings to themselves when in conflict with their husbands, known as self-silencing, had more than four times the risk of dying from any cause compared to women who always show their feelings, the researchers said."
I think this is true. There is a huge difference between getting angry, arguing/discussing/clearing the air and getting angry and just "saving my breath" because the husband doesn't listen or argue constructively to reach a compromise. Huge difference in underlying stress and damage to the relationship. Arguing and clearing the air is actually helpful....sweeping it under the rug will eventually kill the relationship and I would guess, both partners.
The fact that I love football (and him!)probably helps...... ;^)
I can't help it....pokin' fun and sarcasm is found in a mutant gene I've had since birth.
I understand. My wife has an MA from Vanderbilt and I've got an Assoc. degree in computers. She quit working several years ago except for a couple of part time days a week but insists on bitching at me for working 50-60 hrs per week. I love the woman but like Rodney "I don't get no respect". I'm making the living here but I'm supposed to "understand" her and her "feelings". I'm starting to whine. Later.
Great thing for me though is now that I have figured it out, about him AND myself, it has made healing the rifts between us easier, and we are more adept at having 'heated discussions' rather than pitching fits, and we don't let each other fall into the bad habits of before. It's definitely not easy, but I'd much rather deal with things this way than the way his mother does things, which is to sit and stew and ask everyone for advice then go out fo her way not to follow it, all the while wondering why the hell she is so miserable. I've also had to put a GREAT deal of distance between one of his cousins and myself (she used to be a 'close' friend) because of remarks that were meant to one-upmanship us and demean us. Once I did that, I found my conscience clearer.
I say never get married until you've had 2 or 3 really good disagreements. That way, a person will know what they're in for.....
My hubby only called me a name in anger once, when he was going through his mid-life crisis...the dreaded "B" word, which he knew would make me see red. I commenced into "You ain't seen B yet, buddy...you want to see B, I'll show you B" and I decked him. He never did that again, he said he saw stars. I just told him "Nah, you've just seen the light". Now when he wants to fight, I just tell him to climb up my butt and fight for air and walk away until he can be more reasonable. He has found out that if he can't discuss something in a reasonable manner without screaming or cursing at me, I won't be a party to the discussion until he calms down. We don't have those problems any more. Ya just don't mess with us Texas gals!
My advice: demand she gets a full time or 30 hr week job and then split the house chores.....well, at least it's a start.
FYI: I worked 75-85 hrs (7 days per week) for 8 1/2; weeks straight with 1/2 day off. I got nagged at for 'always being tired' when I got home. The company didn't get the contract, but, we did some awesome R and D work and I got a hell of a raise in Jan. even though she had walked out in Oct. after 19 years.
You don't get something for nothing.....just keep the faith!
Strange thing is that he *isn't* much of a football watcher. Think that might have something to do with any conflict we have? LOL I like sports games, but I like to be in the middle of it. Watching television doesnt do it for me. But see me at a baseball game!! LOL
Oh I come from the original "elephant in the living room don't mention it" family........
That was semi my family....only I think the adults were extremely good at keeping the kids out of the general gossip...I found out stuff about aunts and uncles much later in life that made me go "NOW I understand."
CHEERS!
But, I have yet to find a descriptive term for E, G, H, I,V, X, Y and Z.
In the interest of peace and harmony between the sexes and in order for you to live to a ripe, old age, would you please enlighten us as to what the letters above mean for you?
PS: If he is your ex, then why is he now going to face your "wrath". Haven't you gotten over him in the past seven years? (:^>)
Since we have a daughter I try to keep the names tame...in the event that little ears hear...
Egomaniac
Grouch
Hard headed
Idiot
Since he is not around I would love to post what I really think, but I don't want to get banned and stuff...
still that's got to have been hard on you and a marriage, when you aren't able to at least come up for a breath every now and again. Not saying I sympathise with her!!!...very stupid and selfish of her to let 19 years go down the drain for a slight change in schedule or for an aberration that in the longterm would have benefitted you both. Sometimes I *wish* my hubby had longer hours...then I wouldn't see him stressing about paying the bills, especially since I am a stay at home mom and am homeschooling now.
The "risk of dying from any cause" is the same for all men and women; exactly 1:1.
Oh brother...more proof of the vast American prosperity creating waaaaay too much free time for people with issues.
GOOD LUCK!!
Kinda hard to miss the 'final curtain call'?......simple math always works for me!
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