Posted on 02/07/2005 2:15:11 PM PST by KidGlock
Why Women Cheat
Expert Reveals Warning Signs
UPDATED: 10:18 am EST February 7, 2005
CLEVELAND -- When you think about cheating spouses, most people think about men, Cleveland television station WEWS reported.
The station reported that the latest trend has more women stepping out on their husbands, and found one story illustrating it.
She was a mother of three who had just celebrated her 10th wedding anniversary.
That night, she told her husband she was going out with her girlfriends. Instead, she went to meet her lover, the station reported.
Mike Lewis is a private investigator at Cleveland's Confidential Investigations Inc.
He has been in the surveillance business for almost a decade. And more husbands are calling him about their cheating wives.
"What they always say, the not knowing is the hardest part. And that's where we come in," Lewis said.
Another woman told her husband she was on a business trip. Instead, she flew to spend the weekend with her boyfriend, the station reported.
"Got 'em kissin," Lewis said.
After watching a video, her husband finally figured out why their marriage was on the rocks.
"Gotta be frustrating because you guys were trying to work it out," Lewis said.
Just how many married women have had sex with other men?
In 1991, researchers asked married women if they had cheated. Ten percent said yes. Compare that to 22 percent of married men who said they had cheated.
In 2002, researchers asked again. That number grew to 15 percent for women, while the percentage of men who cheated stayed the same.
"It's either something they're missing in their relationship, or it's how they're feeling about themselves," said Kathy Dawson, of the Marriage Movement.
Dawson is a relationship coach, the author of "Diagnosis Marriage" and "Cleveland Couples." She helps couples reconnect. Even after infidelity.
"No. 1, if your wife says, 'You don't listen to me.' Oh boy, that's a big signal. Women, No. 1, need is to feel listened to and validated," Dawson said.
A wife starved for attention at home can find herself in the arms of another man. Dawson said when husbands don't make wives feel good about themselves, watch out for the man who does.
"For a man, the most important thing he can do for his wife is to pay attention to her feelings, and listen to her. It doesn't mean he has to agree with everything she says. He just has to prove to her that he heard what she said," Dawson said.
Mike Lewis agrees. In his experience, he found that sometimes a cheating spouse may even let you know what's about to happen.
"Sometimes they do communicate before they cheat. Sometimes they say, 'I'm not getting this. I'm not getting that.' And it falls on deaf ears," Lewis said.
But in the end, the decision to cheat is made by only one person.
"Are you willing to pay the price? Because there is a price. There's the price of how you feel about yourself. If you have children, if they find out, how are they going to react? Sooner or later they're going to find out," Dawson said.
For the husbands mentioned in this story, the infidelity was too much for the marriage. Both divorced soon after. But cheating does not have to mean the end of a marriage.
"It's pretty devastating. Is it a deal killer? No. Are you going to have to work your tail off? Yes. Can you're marriage be stronger? Absolutely," Dawson said.
A friend mine - no, change that - an aqcuaintence of mine calls his girlfriend his "future ex-wife."
Right. Just find a woman that you can't stand and buy her a house.
Yes, it is.
I know how you're parsing your initial assertion. You are wrong in your choice of terms.
Never took the plunge.......
The practice or condition of having a single sexual partner during a period of time.
The practice or condition of being married to only one person at a time.
The practice of marrying only once in a lifetime. Zoology. The condition of having only one mate during a breeding season or during the breeding life of a pair.
mo·nog·a·my (m-ng-m) n.
The practice or condition of being married to only one person at a time.
The condition of having only one mate.
Main Entry:
mo·nog·a·my
Function: noun
: the state or custom of being married to one person at a time or of having only one mate at a time —
mo·nog·a·mous /m&-'näg-&-m&s/ also mono·gam·ic /"män-&-'gam-ik/ adjective
monogamy n :
having only one spouse at a time[syn: monogamousness]
~snip~
Now, you want to take the one applicatin of the term about "one mate during the life of a pair" (a zoological application, no less) and call that the one true meaning of "monogamy". It's not and you're wrong. Most people are monogamous, meaning when they are in a relationship they are faithful. That's the meaning of the word so choose another for the shallow point you wish to live and breathe by.
Women cheat for the same reason men do...because they can.
As you figured, she was playing the old game of "Lets pretend I like you until I get what I want". It's an old game, played by both sexes, generally for different "what I want" items. You just have to get good at spotting the type (and people lots older than you still get taken).
People get mugged, too. It doesn't mean it's a good idea to lock yourself in your house to avoid getting mugged
From her reaction, she had just enough ethics to be bothered by what she did, which made her feel very guilty when she saw you, but not enough personal courage to confess what was really going on.
It's probably going to be a good idea to be more circumspect in your dealings for the rest of the semester. Dating people you go to school with has some of the same dynamics as dating people you work with: it's easy to meet people, since you see them every day and interact with them. It's also the case that once it's over, you still have to see them every day.
No, I think this article goes to show that marriage is underrated. If each spouse rated his/her marriage -- that is, partner -- higher than their own needs/wants, then this sort of thing would be a rarity.
As it is, because the commitment of marriage is increasingly less important than self-fulfillment to many, the marriage loses.
No, his approach doesn't take a moral view point on it, which means that anybody hostile to anything with religious overtones isn't going to reject it out of hand.
While Dawson himself doesn't take a moral viewpoint, he is clear enough about the fact that everyone in the cheater's life WILL have a moral viewpoint to take on the matter.
Effective, I think.
Regarding the photo: What the ________ _______ are those? "Deliverance" poster boys?
Where do you guys FIND these women? LOL I would never ever DREAM of criticizing my husband in public, or even in front of family or friends! Don't get me wrong, my aunts are very much like the type of women you describe, and I'm embarrassed for them and for their husbands, but IMO, a person would be better served to take their SO aside and have a "chat" with them about that kind of thing. Respect is a two way street, and you'll never get it if you don't stand up for yourself.
You could be right. People can see different meanings in the same words.
"I can cook too :o) "
So many good attributes, what's the downside?
Let me guess, you're an axe murderer, right?
Only during that special time of the month.
The boy is thinking ahead. :)
I've been married three times and have been married to the current wife since 4-29-63.
Life is good!
We're coming up on the seventh anniversary of our honeymoon. I use to tell people, when I suddenly found myself single, that any american woman I would be interested in marrying has already died of old age.
But apparently there are still women out there with rock solid, old fashioned values. At least I found one. She is the closest thing to Eve since the flood.
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