"Publish America" Sting: The WORST BOOK Ever Published!

Ted Demopolous ^ | Recently | Travis Tea

[Mongeaux]

"Atlanta Nights" By Travis Tea. "Travis Tea" is a pseudonym for a group of (mostly) science fiction and fantasy authors who were amused by PublishAmerica's claim (at their authorsmarket.net site) that SF & F authors are "writers who erroneously believe that SciFi, because it is set in a distant future, does not require believable storylines, or that Fantasy, because it is set in conditions that have never existed, does not need believable every-day characters."

So about thirty writers banged out a novel over a long weekend, writing it as ineptly as they could. Plot, characterization, theme ... none of them are to be found in ATLANTA NIGHTS. Grammar and spelling take a drubbing. The book was submitted to PublishAmerica -- and it was accepted.

"Each day, an average 78 new authors who are looking to find a book publishing company ask us to publish their book," PublishAmerica says. "We review not only the quality but also the genre of their work.... Like all serious book publishing companies we have to be picky as we can only accept the works that meet our requirements in both areas." Now you can see for yourself exactly how "picky" about quality they are.

Prepare to be amazed.

[OpusatFR]

I wish I'd known. Instant publishing!!!!

I wouldn't have knocked myself out with publishing companies.

[Mad Mammoth]

"Hillary poured herself a gin and tonic, and sprinkled some of Vince Foster's ashes into the glass, then sullenly parked her size 20 azz in the chair across from Bill. He snickered as she brushed a strand of her straw like hair, recognizing her clumsy attempt to be sensual, the attempt no more competent than the one she first tried way back in Arkansas when they were both students. But he shivered as Hillary stood up suddenly, moving swiftly across the room with the demonic determination of something from a dark corner of Hell, something with cloven hooves. He watched with wide eyes as she proceeded to carve the ham. Hillary let out a low growl, as she said "How's the ticker lately Bill? More importantly, have you had that prostate checked?" The sweat began to roll off Bill's brow, forming rivulets, then rivers of moisture, dehydrating him literally within seconds. He felt his vital fluids ebbing, like that nightmare in the hospital during the bypass operation when he dreamed of someone slashing his IV line and letting his blood run out not unlike the inmates in the Arkansas Dept of Corrections who sold their diseased and tainted blood that was sold to unwitting victims who would later contract AIDS, Hep-C, and other blood borne maladies. Bill looked at the picture of James Carville on the table, posed like a demented rottweiller over the dead carcass of Arianna Huffington. Bill thought to himself, "damn, even *I* wouldn't eat THAT!!"

OK, there's my contribution, somebody pick up where I left off...

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

In the interist of being fair I went to Publish America website.

Here is their statement in context.

Now, here's a word of caution. The vast, vast majority of SciFi and Fantasy writers are serious, honest, great artists. They have spent tons of time working on their books, just as hard as writers on any other genre. They are positive, resolute, hard-working, earnest folks, who are finding it just as hard as anyone else to break through the barrier put up by the publishing dinosaurs.

But, alas, the SciFi and Fantasy genres have also attracted some of the lesser gods, writers who erroneously believe that SciFi, because it is set in a distant future, does not require believable storylines, or that Fantasy, because it is set in conditions that have never existed, does not need believable every-day characters. Obviously, and fortunately, there are not too many of them, but the ones who are indeed not ashamed to be seen as literary parasites and plagiarists, are usually the loudest, just like the proverbial wheel that needs the most grease.

Now granted that it is a bit unfair to pick on sci-fi and fantasy alone as I have read numerous books from all genre that have these failings still the quote was not quite as it was presented.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

interist = interest

:Shakes rattle over keyboard:

Out Out Typo Demons!

[NicknamedBob]

Thanks for the ping, but I am not sure I feel comfortable with the thought that you think of me when the subject is really bad science fiction writing...

[aruanan]

Juice streamed from the ham in rivulets like saliva drooling from the fierce jaws of a wild dingo poised over the dead carcass of its prey in the dingo-eat-dingo world."

This is beautiful!

[Darksheare]

LOL!
No, I was thinking more along the lines of some prank we would pull.

[JoJo Gunn]

[freekitty]

That's very good.

[Mongeaux]

Yes, wonderously grotesque.

[redhead]

"That IS a great idea for FReeperhood. Get a bunch of us together to each bang out a chapter ... Could be pretty damn funny."

For even MORE fun, try it with everybody doing a PARAGRAPH...

[Darksheare]

LOL!

I'm afraid my one attempt at writing a 'thesis' was mistaken as an obituary.

[okie01]

Have they sold the screenplay yet?

[Darksheare]

LOL, continues anyway..

[BlazingArizona]

I betcha that right about now over at PublishAmerica, it's a dark and stormy night...

[Darksheare]

Would the Undead Thread (First run) work as a manuscript to send in?
I'm getting a bad idea here but I need consensus on whether it's a bad enough idea..

[maine-iac7]

Say "travis Tea" really fast 3 times and you get the "Name" joke

good catch

[maine-iac7]

but I thought it's supposed to be science fiction ;o)

[Mad Mammoth]

That's very good

Why, thank you very much! Do you think that Publish America might take a chance on me? (heh-heh!)

Now if this 'everybody writes a paragraph' idea takes off, SOMEbody ought to incorporate a section on the frantic and desperate search that the CBS News Fraud Division conducted to find the illusive 'Lucy Ramirez', who allegedly supplied those fake documents to that nutball Bill Burkett...

"It was a cattle show with a lot of meat hanging around, and John Roberts wondered just what the Hell he was doing in a place like that, he could still hear Dan Rather's absurd Texas lingo ringing in his ears "John, we've got to find that Ramirez woman, the presidential hopes of John Kerry are on the line like a drunken Armadillo on Interstate 10 in the middle of a Texas Tornado (cue Freddie Fender tune here)..." Roberts cursed the 24 year CBS anchor, wishing he could spill the beans about the successor to Cronkite being certified as totally insane after his infamous 'Kenneth what's the frequency' episode. But Roberts gamely plodded on through the cow manure, the straw, which reminded him of Andrew Heywards' management style...suddenly he saw a woman at the Coca Cola stand with a name tag that said "Ramirez', his heart skipped a beat. She was packing a pair of 38's, no question of it. She also had a gun, and one presumed, a CCW.

[writer33]

This has been needed to be done for a long time. It's good somebody finally exposed those scam artists.