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Men Just Want Mommy
New York Times ^ | January 13, 2005 | Maureen Dowd

Posted on 01/13/2005 4:53:28 AM PST by Jim Noble

A few years ago at a White House Correspondents' dinner, I met a very beautiful actress. Within moments, she blurted out: "I can't believe I'm 46 and not married. Men only want to marry their personal assistants or P.R. women."

I'd been noticing a trend along these lines, as famous and powerful men took up with the young women whose job it was to tend to them and care for them in some way: their secretaries, assistants, nannies, caterers, flight attendants, researchers and fact-checkers.

Women in staff support are the new sirens because, as a guy I know put it, they look upon the men they work for as "the moon, the sun and the stars." It's all about orbiting, serving and salaaming their Sun Gods.

In all those great Tracy/Hepburn movies more than a half-century ago, it was the snap and crackle of a romance between equals that was so exciting. Moviemakers these days seem far more interested in the soothing aura of romances between unequals.

In James Brooks's "Spanglish," Adam Sandler, as a Los Angeles chef, falls for his hot Mexican maid. The maid, who cleans up after Mr. Sandler without being able to speak English, is presented as the ideal woman. The wife, played by Téa Leoni, is repellent: a jangly, yakking, overachieving, overexercised, unfaithful, shallow she-monster who has just lost her job with a commercial design firm. Picture Faye Dunaway in "Network" if she'd had to stay home, or Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" without the charm.

The same attraction of unequals animated Richard Curtis's "Love Actually," a 2003 holiday hit. The witty and sophisticated British prime minister, played by Hugh Grant, falls for the chubby girl who wheels the tea and scones into his office. A businessman married to the substantial Emma Thompson falls for his sultry secretary. A writer falls for his maid, who speaks only Portuguese.

(I wonder if the trend in making maids who don't speak English heroines is related to the trend of guys who like to watch Kelly Ripa in the morning with the sound turned off?)

Art is imitating life, turning women who seek equality into selfish narcissists and objects of rejection, rather than affection.

As John Schwartz of The New York Times wrote recently, "Men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses, and evolution may be to blame."

A new study by psychology researchers at the University of Michigan, using college undergraduates, suggests that men going for long-term relationships would rather marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors.

As Dr. Stephanie Brown, the lead author of the study, summed it up for reporters: "Powerful women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because men may prefer to marry less-accomplished women." Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them.

"The hypothesis," Dr. Brown said, "is that there are evolutionary pressures on males to take steps to minimize the risk of raising offspring that are not their own." Women, by contrast, did not show a marked difference in their attraction to men who might work above or below them. And men did not show a preference when it came to one-night stands.

A second study, which was by researchers at four British universities and reported last week, suggested that smart men with demanding jobs would rather have old-fashioned wives, like their mums, than equals. The study found that a high I.Q. hampers a woman's chance to get married, while it is a plus for men. The prospect for marriage increased by 35 percent for guys for each 16-point increase in I.Q.; for women, there is a 40 percent drop for each 16-point rise.

So was the feminist movement some sort of cruel hoax? The more women achieve, the less desirable they are? Women want to be in a relationship with guys they can seriously talk to - unfortunately, a lot of those guys want to be in relationships with women they don't have to talk to.

I asked the actress and writer Carrie Fisher, on the East Coast to promote her novel "The Best Awful," who confirmed that women who challenge men are in trouble.

"I haven't dated in 12 million years," she said drily. "I gave up on dating powerful men because they wanted to date women in the service professions. So I decided to date guys in the service professions. But then I found out that kings want to be treated like kings, and consorts want to be treated like kings, too."

E-mail: liberties@nytimes.com


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Philosophy
KEYWORDS: culturekampf; czj; dowd; dowdy; dustywomb; feminism; miz; modo; single7and7hating7it; spinster
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To: Delta 21

That "guide" almost makes me want to throw up....

(from a good wife and mother who has the best husband in the world: ps - I don't cook and he still loves me :)


81 posted on 01/13/2005 6:05:46 AM PST by NewHampshireDuo
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To: Liz

If you just take that one step, you could be the perfect woman.


82 posted on 01/13/2005 6:05:55 AM PST by bmwcyle (Washington DC RINO Hunting Guide)
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To: glockmeister40
Yeah ..women got sold a bill of goods by the femanazis and now are complaining about reality

God made man and woman to fulfill certain roles...the man is the head of the woman...any other relationship is out of sync with reality...and will always blow up in people's faces..

All the socialists can do is promote brainwashing or write laws against God's nature but it will never get them anywhere and they will always be unhappy....and yet they continue to promote even more brainwashing and write even more laws...that get them nowhere..

The Judeo Christian God has one view of what the right relationship between men and women should be..and the god of Islam has another...

Abandon one and you will get the other...and the even darker one beyond Islam that is going to be even worse..and make you long for Islam.

There is God's economy and then there is 'not God's' economy

imo
83 posted on 01/13/2005 6:06:24 AM PST by joesnuffy (Moderate Islam Is For Dilettantes)
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To: Liz
The men get what they want. We get what we want. Not so hard to figure out, is it?

It's called selflessness, and it's passe.

Shalom.

84 posted on 01/13/2005 6:07:11 AM PST by ArGee (After 517, the abolition of man is complete)
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To: camle
"If you want to be happy for the rest of your life make an ugly woman your wife". just kidding, (that's a quote from a song for all you liberals out there.)It does not matter what one's I.Q may be, SELFISHNESS kills any relationship; but sacrificial love endures forever. Unfortunatly we have been fed a bill of goods, that says $$$= success. Real success is a happy home, time spent with children and friends who stick closer than brothers. What a man (or woman) sows, that will he also reap
85 posted on 01/13/2005 6:09:14 AM PST by Dr. I. C. Spots
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To: HamiltonJay
I agree w/what you've said. A good marriage is when the wife and the husband complement each other.
86 posted on 01/13/2005 6:09:32 AM PST by Carolinamom
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To: HamiltonJay
Tell that to the others, all you have to do is read their mindless posts. Instead of them airing their views to the women from the left, they post insulting and stereotyping comments to the women of the right. Go figure!
87 posted on 01/13/2005 6:09:58 AM PST by Quinotto (On matters of style,swim with the current,on matters of principle stand like a rock-Thomas Jefferson)
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To: bmwcyle

Let me explain it to you. Any women who has been involved in high-end relationships knows the key to keeping the guy by your side is to keep him on edge.......constantly. He must never, ever know what you are going to do next. Predictability and perfection are lethal to a relationship (one you want to keep).


88 posted on 01/13/2005 6:10:15 AM PST by Liz (Wise men are instructed by reason; lesser men, by experience; the ignorant, by necessity. Cicero)
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To: Liz
My wife makes me get my own beer, and then helps me drink it.......
89 posted on 01/13/2005 6:10:56 AM PST by Sarajevo (Sarajevo is the beginning of 20th century history.)
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To: GBA

Yes and if she's really smart, she won't bring those battles home.


90 posted on 01/13/2005 6:11:08 AM PST by Let's Roll (Democrats - What happens when mental illness manifests itself as a political party.)
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To: Jim Noble

Well then, I just have to guess I'm on the right track.
Met a really Hot/ smart / 28 yr old the other night. and have gotten the go ahead to hire her as my personal assistant. And I'm NOT MARRIED, could use a little bit of being taken care of if ya know what I mean.

Well, I can dream. but I DO NEED the office help too!


91 posted on 01/13/2005 6:11:14 AM PST by OldSgt. (USMC, Nam Vet, HMM-165)
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To: Dr. I. C. Spots

"If you want to be happy for the rest of your life make an ugly woman your wife".

Actually that ain't bad advice--she don't have to be ugly though--plain janes make good wives.


92 posted on 01/13/2005 6:11:52 AM PST by Pondman88
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To: Sarajevo

You got a great girl there.


93 posted on 01/13/2005 6:12:14 AM PST by Liz (Wise men are instructed by reason; lesser men, by experience; the ignorant, by necessity. Cicero)
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To: Monterrosa-24
Even in college women's dating habits/choices center on achievers and it triples after college.

Remember the handyman on Murphy Brown? He was knowledgable, handy, and considerate.

He had a chance, right?

Yeah, sure.

94 posted on 01/13/2005 6:12:14 AM PST by lentulusgracchus ("Whatever." -- sinkspur)
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To: Jim Noble

Poor Maureen. Still working through therapy and analysis apparently.


95 posted on 01/13/2005 6:13:06 AM PST by HowlinglyMind-BendingAbsurdity
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To: Liz

Double edge sword, there is a window of operation there.


96 posted on 01/13/2005 6:15:20 AM PST by bmwcyle (Washington DC RINO Hunting Guide)
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To: Liz
I cannot argue with that statement one bit!
97 posted on 01/13/2005 6:15:51 AM PST by Sarajevo (Sarajevo is the beginning of 20th century history.)
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To: shekkian
Prime Minister Hugh Grant? I just can't imagine.

It was pretty ridiculous. And Billy Bob Thornton playing a horn-dog American President. The entire movie was garbage except for the eye-candy of Keira Knightly.

98 posted on 01/13/2005 6:15:52 AM PST by Rummyfan
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To: GBA
What I don't want is an angry, bitter, overly competitive woman who brings the day's battles home to refight them there.

Or who picks fights at home and then puts her family fights on the Op-Ed page of The New York Times, like Mo did at Thanksgiving.

Actually, her family seemed quite nice. It was Mean Maureen who had the Massive Self-Consequence problem.

99 posted on 01/13/2005 6:16:18 AM PST by lentulusgracchus ("Whatever." -- sinkspur)
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To: Jim Noble

So because she can't get a man Mo resorts to knocking men and the women who do get them.

So sad...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


100 posted on 01/13/2005 6:17:43 AM PST by cyncooper
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