Posted on 01/13/2005 4:53:28 AM PST by Jim Noble
A few years ago at a White House Correspondents' dinner, I met a very beautiful actress. Within moments, she blurted out: "I can't believe I'm 46 and not married. Men only want to marry their personal assistants or P.R. women."
I'd been noticing a trend along these lines, as famous and powerful men took up with the young women whose job it was to tend to them and care for them in some way: their secretaries, assistants, nannies, caterers, flight attendants, researchers and fact-checkers.
Women in staff support are the new sirens because, as a guy I know put it, they look upon the men they work for as "the moon, the sun and the stars." It's all about orbiting, serving and salaaming their Sun Gods.
In all those great Tracy/Hepburn movies more than a half-century ago, it was the snap and crackle of a romance between equals that was so exciting. Moviemakers these days seem far more interested in the soothing aura of romances between unequals.
In James Brooks's "Spanglish," Adam Sandler, as a Los Angeles chef, falls for his hot Mexican maid. The maid, who cleans up after Mr. Sandler without being able to speak English, is presented as the ideal woman. The wife, played by Téa Leoni, is repellent: a jangly, yakking, overachieving, overexercised, unfaithful, shallow she-monster who has just lost her job with a commercial design firm. Picture Faye Dunaway in "Network" if she'd had to stay home, or Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" without the charm.
The same attraction of unequals animated Richard Curtis's "Love Actually," a 2003 holiday hit. The witty and sophisticated British prime minister, played by Hugh Grant, falls for the chubby girl who wheels the tea and scones into his office. A businessman married to the substantial Emma Thompson falls for his sultry secretary. A writer falls for his maid, who speaks only Portuguese.
(I wonder if the trend in making maids who don't speak English heroines is related to the trend of guys who like to watch Kelly Ripa in the morning with the sound turned off?)
Art is imitating life, turning women who seek equality into selfish narcissists and objects of rejection, rather than affection.
As John Schwartz of The New York Times wrote recently, "Men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses, and evolution may be to blame."
A new study by psychology researchers at the University of Michigan, using college undergraduates, suggests that men going for long-term relationships would rather marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors.
As Dr. Stephanie Brown, the lead author of the study, summed it up for reporters: "Powerful women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because men may prefer to marry less-accomplished women." Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them.
"The hypothesis," Dr. Brown said, "is that there are evolutionary pressures on males to take steps to minimize the risk of raising offspring that are not their own." Women, by contrast, did not show a marked difference in their attraction to men who might work above or below them. And men did not show a preference when it came to one-night stands.
A second study, which was by researchers at four British universities and reported last week, suggested that smart men with demanding jobs would rather have old-fashioned wives, like their mums, than equals. The study found that a high I.Q. hampers a woman's chance to get married, while it is a plus for men. The prospect for marriage increased by 35 percent for guys for each 16-point increase in I.Q.; for women, there is a 40 percent drop for each 16-point rise.
So was the feminist movement some sort of cruel hoax? The more women achieve, the less desirable they are? Women want to be in a relationship with guys they can seriously talk to - unfortunately, a lot of those guys want to be in relationships with women they don't have to talk to.
I asked the actress and writer Carrie Fisher, on the East Coast to promote her novel "The Best Awful," who confirmed that women who challenge men are in trouble.
"I haven't dated in 12 million years," she said drily. "I gave up on dating powerful men because they wanted to date women in the service professions. So I decided to date guys in the service professions. But then I found out that kings want to be treated like kings, and consorts want to be treated like kings, too."
E-mail: liberties@nytimes.com
I think there's more than a grain of truth in that. ;o)
Maybe it's because she's neither powerful nor beautiful? In my view, she's a washed up nonintellectual vainly trying surgery to achieve what was not given to her naturally. She achieved her position as a token; it was not earned, nor is it deserved. She is a fitting example of the Legacy Media - whiny and obsessed, with no basis in truth. Other than that, she's great.
If the shoe fits, Maureen... ;)
It isn't an ethnic thing. Women who grow up on a steady diet of American television, with its horrible models to young women of anti-male perpetual dissatisfaction, frequently turn out like Leoni's character. That's why men who look for foreign wives are playing a fools game unless they plan to move overseas - six months of watching TV, and that beautiful Russian "princess" will transform into a Dowd-In-Training.
Say, maybe she IS catching on after all.
Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?
LOL good answer ;-)
Thats right HMFIC Men dont want Mommies they want a real wife. a real woman.
Dow'd problem, FYI, in relationships..it's the post-coital conversation. She speaks of the witty repartee between Hepburn and Tracy ( whenever Tracy was sober, BTW)..here's my brief take on "l'affaire Dowd"
HE: Wow. that was awesome. Was it good for you?
DOWD: Are you sure you're not a Republican? Why do YOU always have the right side of the bed? I'm so mad. While we were doing "it" I was thinking about the Bush twins getting gowns for the inaugural ball, and then I was thinking about Dick Cheney's cummerbund, and I really couldn't enjoy "it"
Yes!
Smart AND sweet sounds like the perfect woman to me. What I don't want is an angry, bitter, overly competitive woman who brings the day's battles home to refight them there.
I've done a 51 year study and the women who are "equals" or "supervisors" insist on attempting emotional castration to assert there position.
I say attempting, because it only works if you let them.
If you don't let them, they hate you.
Example:
They have millions of suggestions as to how you should spend your money, so that you'll be acceptable.
(not talking about spending it on them, just how to "improve your image.)
You left yourself wide open on this one...hahaha.. Bad experiences with smart woman eh? Read a book or take a class.
I am not silly, airheaded, giggly or cutesy......I guess I'll never be married. I'll never be able to cook or clean or do a guys wash, put down that toilet seat or clean up his beard in the sink.....bummer. Oh well...LOL!
The very term EQUAL here is misleading... someone can be an EQUAL without being the same.
Feminists and their apologists are just insane.
There is a reason a man with a demanding job doesn't want to be with a woman with a demanding job, and it has nothing to do with the fact that he can't handle a strong woman. Simple fact is a marriage is about having a family.... Yes, some folks choose not to do this, but this is the KEY factor in the overwhelming majority of marriages.
If one wishes to have a nice home and raise children, one can far more effectively do this is there is a parent in the home.. not only does this allow the effective day to day running of the home, and better suppport of their children... It also allows the spouse that does work to be more focused on their work when working and studies have shown they are more successful and earn more in this environment as well.
This idea that men are just evil and don't like strong women is nonsense. There is a difference, as wide as the pacific ocean though between being a strong woman, and being a bitch. The first is never the second, and the second always thinks she's the first.
Did anybody notice that the women interviewed only want a "sugar daddy"?
Awwwww, you're so sweet! :D
My Mom loved me for 20 years and my wife has had 42.
I have the greatest woman in the world.
You are almost there Ms. Dowd.
Men do just want a mommy... for their chldren. They don't want some self absorbed, me, me, me woman who couldn't possibly put the needs of her family before her career.
Exactly. My wife has put up with a lot of crap, both from the Corps AND ME! haha! But she STUCK IT OUT and THAT is what men are looking for. A GUTSY WOMAN who is down for the LONG HAUL not one that looks for a divorce lawyer at the first rough patch that life throws at them.
Hitting our FIFTEEN YEAR ANNIV. this year.
Sucks being a shrill nag Mo.
Mega dittos, I agree with you completely. According to some of these...men(and I use the term indulgently), when women have a good head on their shoulders, they automatically are bitches. A woman is kind and sweet only if she walks 3 feet behind them(barefoot and pregnant)! What a bunch of hog wash! This however doesn't excuse the feminists who look down on the women who chose to stay home and take care of their family. But then there are boobs on both sides of the gender and the political isle.
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