Posted on 01/13/2005 4:53:28 AM PST by Jim Noble
A few years ago at a White House Correspondents' dinner, I met a very beautiful actress. Within moments, she blurted out: "I can't believe I'm 46 and not married. Men only want to marry their personal assistants or P.R. women."
I'd been noticing a trend along these lines, as famous and powerful men took up with the young women whose job it was to tend to them and care for them in some way: their secretaries, assistants, nannies, caterers, flight attendants, researchers and fact-checkers.
Women in staff support are the new sirens because, as a guy I know put it, they look upon the men they work for as "the moon, the sun and the stars." It's all about orbiting, serving and salaaming their Sun Gods.
In all those great Tracy/Hepburn movies more than a half-century ago, it was the snap and crackle of a romance between equals that was so exciting. Moviemakers these days seem far more interested in the soothing aura of romances between unequals.
In James Brooks's "Spanglish," Adam Sandler, as a Los Angeles chef, falls for his hot Mexican maid. The maid, who cleans up after Mr. Sandler without being able to speak English, is presented as the ideal woman. The wife, played by Téa Leoni, is repellent: a jangly, yakking, overachieving, overexercised, unfaithful, shallow she-monster who has just lost her job with a commercial design firm. Picture Faye Dunaway in "Network" if she'd had to stay home, or Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" without the charm.
The same attraction of unequals animated Richard Curtis's "Love Actually," a 2003 holiday hit. The witty and sophisticated British prime minister, played by Hugh Grant, falls for the chubby girl who wheels the tea and scones into his office. A businessman married to the substantial Emma Thompson falls for his sultry secretary. A writer falls for his maid, who speaks only Portuguese.
(I wonder if the trend in making maids who don't speak English heroines is related to the trend of guys who like to watch Kelly Ripa in the morning with the sound turned off?)
Art is imitating life, turning women who seek equality into selfish narcissists and objects of rejection, rather than affection.
As John Schwartz of The New York Times wrote recently, "Men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses, and evolution may be to blame."
A new study by psychology researchers at the University of Michigan, using college undergraduates, suggests that men going for long-term relationships would rather marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors.
As Dr. Stephanie Brown, the lead author of the study, summed it up for reporters: "Powerful women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because men may prefer to marry less-accomplished women." Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them.
"The hypothesis," Dr. Brown said, "is that there are evolutionary pressures on males to take steps to minimize the risk of raising offspring that are not their own." Women, by contrast, did not show a marked difference in their attraction to men who might work above or below them. And men did not show a preference when it came to one-night stands.
A second study, which was by researchers at four British universities and reported last week, suggested that smart men with demanding jobs would rather have old-fashioned wives, like their mums, than equals. The study found that a high I.Q. hampers a woman's chance to get married, while it is a plus for men. The prospect for marriage increased by 35 percent for guys for each 16-point increase in I.Q.; for women, there is a 40 percent drop for each 16-point rise.
So was the feminist movement some sort of cruel hoax? The more women achieve, the less desirable they are? Women want to be in a relationship with guys they can seriously talk to - unfortunately, a lot of those guys want to be in relationships with women they don't have to talk to.
I asked the actress and writer Carrie Fisher, on the East Coast to promote her novel "The Best Awful," who confirmed that women who challenge men are in trouble.
"I haven't dated in 12 million years," she said drily. "I gave up on dating powerful men because they wanted to date women in the service professions. So I decided to date guys in the service professions. But then I found out that kings want to be treated like kings, and consorts want to be treated like kings, too."
E-mail: liberties@nytimes.com
I heard it once described that men a like tile. You lay them right the first time and you can walk on them for the rest of your life.
Something like that anyways. I thought it was funny even if I am a man.
bttt
Paz Vega (the maid) is hot!!! She's actually not Mexican, but from Spain. She was in a movie called "Sex and Lucia." And after seeing that one, she moved up to Number One on DFW G's hot babe list.
I find too many who are the derigible type. :)
OK, spell-check:
dirigible.
Maybe I should have just said "gerbil".
We all have our cross to bear - lol!
Great post. Lucky man.
I don't know where you spend your time or what crowds you spend time with, but I know numerous women who are sweet, smart (very) and beautiful -- women who take care of themselves, stay informed, and have a healthy self-image. I've met most of them in various churches I've attended in different cities.
And no, I'm not anything but heterosexual, but I surely can appreciate a well-ordered life, be it male or female.
Mo, you should grow up and start to realize that your happiness is your problem to solve and you should stop blaming the men who haven't volunteered to solve it for you. You're not so rare or desirable that very many men would want to bother with you and all of your baggage
Its amazing how much kindness and appreciation contribute to a successful marriage. Its not so amazing that the lack of those breeds resentment. I hope he opens his eyes (and his heart) soon.
Touché!
LOL - I scare people - I'm a nice guy, single dad, sole custody, own my own home. Also have a great sense of humor - but I'm cursed - everyone tells me "You're the nicest guy I know..."
Hmmm... I remember there have been a few ladies that Cyrano scared (blows MY mind - he's so gentle and pleasant with people) - and the only thing I can figure, after learning more about those particular ladies, is that they were the type that liked to put up a facade and they knew he could see right through it.
Maybe something similar going on there. My cousin doesn't like me because she can't take advantage of me like everyone else. Some people don't like to be told 'no.'
Maybe Michael Douglas dropped MoDo because he grew tired of having to wear a "Self-esteem Bag" over his head during sex?
ergh yeah that complicates things. :-\ Well, all ya can do is keep praying I guess...
LOL what's your point? ;-)
Grrr, know what you mean. Try this sometime: you're standing talking to two women in the office, one of whom is the hottest single senior fox in the office, when senior fox turns to other woman and says, "Oh, don't worry about [you], he's a sweetheart and a gentleman -- he's completely safe!"
I spent the next couple of minutes explaining as gently as my blood pressure would allow, that that is absolutely the worst thing you can say about, or to, a single man. Sort of like, "oh, it's okay, Bucky Kat doesn't spray -- I had him fixed!"
Cool! :)
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