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Married, without children: Finding fulfillment with no kids
Rocky Mountain News ^ | 1/3/05 | Mark Wolf

Posted on 01/03/2005 8:31:56 AM PST by qam1

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To: frgoff
" .............. for they demand the future pay for their present."

Now you're gonna have to explain that one to me.

281 posted on 01/03/2005 10:12:30 AM PST by MAWG
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To: Durus
I have been married to my lovely wife for 17 years, we tried (the old fashioned way) to have kids for many years but were unsuccesful. When we found out how complicated and exspensive it was to have a baby using artificial means or to adopt we decided not to have children. What surprises me is that so many people are so worried and even hostile about our childless status. And not just family. I am 42 and only a week ago I ran into a high school classmate who insisted I should "go ahead and adopt" and that "it is not too Late!!!" I enjoy children, I spoil my nephew and support many local school programs not only with my very high taxes, but with donations from my business. I do not feel unfulfilled without children and must say I do not envy my friends the choices and sacrifices they have to make for thier mostly spoiled and ungrateful children. I do envy the pride that a very few of them feel about some of thier children who rise above the expected norm.
Do I wish that I had been able to become a father? Some days I do. Am I unhappy that I do not have children of my own? No.
What I see most in parents is the hope that they will produce children better suited and prepared for the world than themselves. Most give up that hope about the time the schools get hold of them.
I can live without the good and the bad part of being a parent. I do not base my self worth on children but on my contributions to God, family, and community.
JErwin63
282 posted on 01/03/2005 10:12:56 AM PST by jerwin63
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To: Raycpa
Hi Ray-

"...How birthrates color the electoral map [thread]..."

That article basically told me that it is WAY too expensive to properly raise six kids in Manhattan, but that it was achievable in more rural areas of the country. There are millions of childless families (urban, suburban, and rural) who chose to re-elect President Bush to office.

~ Blue Jays ~

283 posted on 01/03/2005 10:13:00 AM PST by Blue Jays (Rock Hard, Ride Free)
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To: HairOfTheDog
"But time's ticking against us, and I am not sure it is fair to have babies at 40."

Well, since it seems like you're asking for input, I'll pipe up. Try to have a baby. The horses can wait. You might wonder why you even wanted to do that sort of stuff after you have a child.

It's totally fair to have a child at 40....if you can. Most women's fertility starts going downhill at 27, so I know this sounds kind of harsh, but you're behind already. I'm speaking from experience, BTW. You have a small window of opportunity now, and if you want to play now, and pay later (awful infertility treatments that cost a fortune and are rarely successful) it's your choice.

Of course, adoption is also an option....a great one IMO, but it's not for everyone. It costs a lot, and takes a lot of time, so 40 for many adoptive parents ends up looking really young.

Best of luck to you.

284 posted on 01/03/2005 10:13:28 AM PST by Artist
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To: econ_grad
Some people should not have children. My parents definitely shouldn't have, although I am glad to be alive.

I can grok to that sentiment.

I'll bet many 'child-free by choice' women will change their minds when they're 50, 60, or even 70 years old, however. Thanks (or no thanks) to modern medicine, we'll be seeing even more of the 'elderly mom' spectacles than we're already seeing now.

Bad idea for the kids.

285 posted on 01/03/2005 10:13:34 AM PST by shhrubbery!
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To: Xenalyte
I'm 36 and unmarried. That strikes me as a great reason not to have children.

....47 here and never married. I suppose we should of married any slob and had kids because it seems to be expected and our duty (/sarcasm)....otherwise we are self-centered and selfish

I guess Rush Limbaugh is really selfish too....even though he gives millions to charities...

286 posted on 01/03/2005 10:14:14 AM PST by zoobee (http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf Smack the Penguin)
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To: frgoff
The couple who chooses not to have children are the most selfish of all people, for they demand the future pay for their present.

That makes no sense. I would imagine that over their lifetime, childless couples would pay more into society than they get back.

287 posted on 01/03/2005 10:14:35 AM PST by Modernman (What is moral is what you feel good after. - Ernest Hemingway)
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To: weegee

Common sense is seriously lacking on the part of liberals. Why we would even need to explain to them why school vouchers are good (vice property taxes to pay for public schools)is evidence. :)


288 posted on 01/03/2005 10:15:51 AM PST by exnavychick (Just my two cents, as usual.)
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To: MontanaCowgirlCop
My folks didn't/don't seem to have any problem with taking care of us...we had a ball!

Yeah, the hardest time I had with raising children was my first. It seems a though once you have three, having any more than that is no big deal.

My parents took us camping in Northern Michigan. Of all the memories we have those are the ones we talk about the most. "Remember when dad stubbed his big toe on that tent stake and instead of cussing he just said, 'Gee, that felt so good I think I ought to do it again.'"

289 posted on 01/03/2005 10:16:25 AM PST by Slyfox
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To: Slyfox
There is a hair salon I like to go to down the street. A lot of old ladies go there. One of the saddest things I heard was the fear of some of the ladies of giving their kids power of attorney or even leaving town for a few weeks. One lady said she caught her neighbor's grandkids trying to have an estate sale when the lady was on vacation.
Another thing that urks me are the kids who don't want their parents to spend money on retirement advantages (i.e. homes, vacations, etc.) because they don't want their inheritance spent.
290 posted on 01/03/2005 10:18:33 AM PST by HungarianGypsy
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To: Blue Jays
There are millions of childless families (urban, suburban, and rural) who chose to re-elect President Bush to office.

I take it you don't comprehend statistics.

291 posted on 01/03/2005 10:20:35 AM PST by Raycpa (Alias, VRWC_minion,)
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To: zoobee
NOW I think THAT'S a SELFISH reason to have kids......so that you can have somebody to help you when you get old?? I'll bet your kids will be happy to know that.

I stated an observation. There are many old ladies living in FL and AZ who have no one to take care of them. There are many apartment managers who make regular trips to make sure their lone tenants are still alive, because no one else, not a single family member checks up on them. Yes, they find dead bodies. Sometimes they have no one to notify.

292 posted on 01/03/2005 10:22:36 AM PST by Slyfox
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To: Mase
My mom used to always say that having children is like taking vacations. If you wait until you can afford them you'll never have them.

When my friends were in their 20's, they would be truthful and tell me how they regret having kids........and let's not forget that ALOT Of kids born today are accidents.

293 posted on 01/03/2005 10:22:43 AM PST by zoobee (http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf Smack the Penguin)
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To: Askel5

And the beat goes on ...


294 posted on 01/03/2005 10:23:00 AM PST by ELS
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To: frgoff

And those of us without children are getting tired of the ignorance and arrogance of you.

We both have a case of describing eyesight to the blind.

Don't attack those who have decided otherwise, and I won't attack you.


295 posted on 01/03/2005 10:23:19 AM PST by freedumb2003 (My DU name is Bunny Planet and I don't care who knows it! Everyone reveal yours!)
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To: exnavychick

Another issue, particularly in "blue" areas, is that to *properly* raise a child can be an immense challenge. For starters, trying to get by on a single income where I live (mandatory in case of a child, ain't gonna be no day care, no way, no how) is no small task. Oh, and mind you, I utterly refuse to take on any more debt than our current mortgage. Secondly, in terms of schooling, the real choices, in order to avoid the disgusting efforts of pedophilic peddlers of the Gay Agenda and other evil programming, are home schooling or private schooling. Add all that up, and, quite honestly, if we are to have kids, either we must move (and face lower income) or we must accomplish something in situ that borders on a miracle. In summary, it is pricisely my insistance on conservative standards of both child rearing and finances that has counterindicated having a child just yet.


296 posted on 01/03/2005 10:23:36 AM PST by GOP_1900AD (Stomping on "PC," destroying the Left, and smoking out faux "conservatives" - Take Back The GOP!)
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To: X-Servative

I know of a similar type who dumped her fertility-drug enhanced triplets off at day care six weeks after giving birth. Why bother?


297 posted on 01/03/2005 10:24:32 AM PST by mabelkitty (Blackwell for Governor in 2006!!!)
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To: Hildy
You really think anyone would admit if they did?

Good point. But I think deep down, even the ones who think that they would would be heartbroken if their child died.

298 posted on 01/03/2005 10:24:48 AM PST by Aquinasfan (Isaiah 22:22, Rev 3:7, Mat 16:19)
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To: HungarianGypsy

I know what you mean. One lady actually refused to be seated next to us at a restaurant when we were out with our kids (4, 3, and 5 months at the time). My boys were sitting quietly and eating their food...not at all being obnoxious (I have a cure for that, lol).

She was quite loud about her reason for wanting to be moved, too. Nice lady.


299 posted on 01/03/2005 10:24:57 AM PST by exnavychick (Just my two cents, as usual.)
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To: qam1

That's great that they aren't going to have children just to have children, but then the man assumes that the fathers he knows thinks he's the lucky one, and the woman wants a party for not investing herself in the next generation. Some greyhounds are better off, though, and that's to their credit.

I know a couple who choose to remain childless; they are politically conservative.


300 posted on 01/03/2005 10:25:02 AM PST by skr
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