Posted on 12/08/2004 6:15:53 AM PST by presidio9
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray,and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota.
The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay." In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons,drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet,though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives.Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.
"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said.
"We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is determined to reach out," he said.
If all other efforts fail, Canadian officials say they may be forced give the new liberal immigrants green cards and put them to work busing dishes in upscale Canadian restaurants.
This may be a different source, but this article has been posted at least a dozen times.
I am a terrible person.
This is the First time I've seen it....so there.
Sounds like a series problem. This could be hugh. Canaduh has enough problems without getting the dregs of American society.
agree with Bill O'Reilly????
That doesn't sound like any republican I know.
I've read it at least 10 times & I still get a laugh out of it.
Playing Rush on loud speakers dried up the milk?
Well, I bet the fertilizer production went way up; when life gives you lemons and all that....
This is the first time I have seen it.
Yes, you are. And whats more, Ozzy Osborne has said that the use of pot led his son Jack to be a habitual user of harder more addictive drugs.
BTW, don't ya just love the double post police, or in your case, the dozen post police?
First time I saw it, too. It's a hoot!
Yes, you are; but the multiple-posting of this thread mitigates your crimes against common sense.
I see it as a kind of penance.
I am surprised you didn't get banned for it.
But what is the United States going to do when we are faced with a critical shortage of mimes, ceramicists, street performers and aroma therapists? The streets of our cities will be denuded of Subarus with Kerry stickers and the shortage of fat, lesbian poetesses will cause a complete collapse of the candle industry. And what will become of us then?
I think its been posted at least 20 times...probably more like 30....
Since our flaming liberals are their conservatives, it's no wonder the Canadians are alarmed.
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