Oh, how I love this story!
by JohnHuang2
Protesters say the election was unfair and demand that it be overturned, warning authorities not to certify a winner until a full probe of how the wrong man won is complete, vowing to keep protesting the results until the results are reversed and their man is declared the winner by court order. But enough about Ohio. (In fairness, there was some voter intimidation. Chilling footage showed punching and kicking of voters, but it was just a Pistons-Pacers brawl.)
A month after their defeat at the polls, distraught Kerry supporters say everyone has this election all wrong. Kerry conceded defeat and Kerry supporters insist that Kerry won. (Bush stole another election! What an idiot!) So even the deep-fried Boston turkey has this election all wrong . . . no, no, no, say DemocraticUndiegrounders -- not the case at all. Kerry's just being coy, secretly writing his inaugural address and picking his Cabinet. (That's why Dan Rather's leaving CBS -- to be Kerry's spokesman. Oh wait -- he's already that.)
So when Kerry last week blamed the Osama videotape for his defeat, the president-elect was just being shrewd and cunning. It was an artful maneuver. Wouldn't want to let the cat out of the bag -- not yet. Same thing when he filed paperwork to run again for his seat in '08. (Boy, talk about being crafty and clever!) Conceding defeat was all part of Kerry's Master Plan for winning. Because, except for 136,000 mistakes in vote-counting, Kerry knows he won Ohio. (It's called losing an election in order to win it.) In fact, the 'mistakes' in counting weren't really 'mistakes' but outright theft by Bush; the machines were crooked or were partisan or were hacked by Karl Rove working from the White House basement. It's one of these. Or maybe faulty records were involved, or faulty registration. Or perhaps faulty machines were involved. (I say a faulty candidate was involved.) To the DemocraticUndies, who are booking hotel reservations in D.C. for the Kerry inaugural (hey, what'cha gonna wear?), the question no longer is, 'Did Kerry Win?' but, 'Will Bush bow out gracefully?'
Asked the other day on CNN if Bush "won fair and square," Jesse Jackson said yes. Now Jackson says he disagrees with Jackson, saying Bush stole the election. (Besides, Bush's 136,000-vote margin means it's too close-to-call -- a real cliffhanger!) No way could Kerry have lost this election. Not after his swift and forceful response to 9/11, which was to go after . . . Halliburton. Jackson, repulsed by the idea of Supreme Courts overturning election results, urged Ohio's Supreme Court to overturn the election results. (A group called Alliance for Democracy, which believes deeply that elections are way too important to leave to voters, is filing a "contest of election" to have Kerry declared the winner. Who said this group is partisan?) There were even lines of voters at many polling places, proving voter disenfranchisement. (Ask holiday shoppers what that feels like.) Challenging election results weeks after the elections is Jackson's noble idea of bringing America together, in contrast to Bush, that despicable divider (and desperate publicity hound). It's all part of the Holiday Spirit. "We can live with winning and losing," intoned Jackson, who traveled to Ohio to 'mobilize' concerned citizens, whose ranks have doubled in just the past 3 days (from 4 to 8). "We cannot live with fraud and stealing," Jackson added. (The notion that anyone would stoop to steal an election had Democrats in Chicago fainting in disbelief.)
Jackson tells the Cincinnati Post he's trying to organize "a kind of statewide sharing of (Election-Day) experiences." How viciously did Karl Rove physically beat you? In your precinct, how many voting machines did Dick Cheney remove and was Ed Gillespie driving the U-Haul truck?
Except for Keith Olbermann, Air America and Al-Jazeera, the media isn't touching this 'MORON-BUSH-STOLE-THE-ELECTION!' conspiracy stuff with a ten-foot exit poll. The AP reports that Bush currently leads in Ohio (he's doing really well in Ohio!) and appears on track to win a second term, though we'll know more as soon as the polls close. (Once Keith Olbermann figures out that Bush won, he'll wonder: Is a Cabinet shakeup in the works? Maybe somebody will resign!)
But it isn't just Ohio. There was a conspiracy against John Kerry in Florida, too. DUers et al focused on three north Florida counties: Lafayette, Suwannee, and Union -- all three heavily Democratic and all three heavily went for Bush on Nov. 2. All three heavily went for Bush four years ago, and heavily for Dole 8 years ago, and heavily for Bush (41) 12 years ago, and heavily for Bush (41) 16 years ago, and heavily for Reagan 20 years ago. So, given that these three counties have always voted Republican, why would they suddenly vote Republican this time? It seemed really, really fishy to DUers. Even Striking. (Keith Olbermann hasn't recovered from the shock.) These counties are rural, people there own guns, oppose gay marriage and are mainly fundamentalist Christians -- natural fans of Massachusetts liberals, no doubt. But Bush won all three counties, so Bush must've cheated. The Texas Warmonger's "vote tallies, especially in the key state of Florida, are so statistically stunning that they border on the unbelievable," declared one DUer-esque conspiracist.
So, the Miami Herald newspaper went there to find out. After examining thousands of optical scan ballots from all three counties, the paper said its review "showed just what officials reported: The counties' voters did on Election Day as they often do, voting for a Republican for president."
"In Union County, where more than 75 percent of voters register as Democrats, The Herald counted 3,393 votes for" the Texas Warmonger, 1,272 for the Wind-surfer -- almost matching the official tally. Same thing with Suwannee County: 6,140 voters wanted four more years of being hated by the French; only 2,984 wanted the French-looking guy. Lafayette County? The tally there was 2,452 votes for Bush, 848 for Kerry.
Nope, not even the media is buying the DemoUndie conspiracy. Poor, poor DU and all the crazies. So, on January 20th, I guess it'll be back to the psychiatrist couch for them. So sad.
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Gosh, how I love this story!
Anyway, that's...
My two cents
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