Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Help lines hear Thanksgiving horror tales
modbee ^ | 11-19-04

Posted on 11/19/2004 5:24:00 PM PST by LouAvul

..........snip............

Mary Clingman serves as director of the Butterball Turkey Talk Line in Downers Grove, Ill. It expects to take more than 100,000 inquiries through Christmas.

Some past callers stand out.

"We got a call from a guy last year whose turkey wouldn't fit in his pan. He wrapped it in a towel and stomped on it until it did," Clingman said.

Another caller cut a turkey in half with a chain saw, then worried that oil on the saw might have transferred onto the turkey. A woman in Colorado who left her turkey outside to keep it frozen realized she couldn't find it when more snow fell.

And one phone call began: "You don't know anything about kitty litter, do you?" Clingman said a woman called after her husband poured kitty litter on the bottom of a new grill in hopes of absorbing drippings. Fortunately, the grill hadn't been lit yet, so the turkey was pulled off and cooked more conventionally, she said.

Kathy Bernard with the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Meat and Poultry Hotline in Beltsville, Md., said a caller last year wanted to make her bird inside a roasting bag, but didn't have one, so had improvised.

"She pulled a dry cleaning bag off her husband's suit, and it melted onto the bird," Bernard said.

(Excerpt) Read more at modbee.com ...


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: thanksgiving
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-4041-6061-65 next last
To: LouAvul

Hilarious, I want more stories.


21 posted on 11/19/2004 5:40:04 PM PST by diamond6 (Everyone who is for abortion has already been born. Ronald Reagan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Comment #22 Removed by Moderator

To: LouAvul

My sister boiled a package of hot dogs for 2 1/2 hours. I had an aunt call me up and ask me how long should she boil corn dogs! Thank goodness there are only 2 really bad cooks in the family.


23 posted on 11/19/2004 5:40:57 PM PST by Arpege92 (Modern liberalism requires everyone to look different but think the same. - Lizavetta)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: LouAvul

"No I didn't stuff it before I cooked it. It was already full of stuff when I bought it. "


24 posted on 11/19/2004 5:41:46 PM PST by AppyPappy (If You're Not A Part Of The Solution, There's Good Money To Be Made In Prolonging The Problem.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Larry Lucido

Hi, my name is Teraysa Heinz Kerry.

On tonight's show, 23 ways to spice up that plebian
Turkey with Ketchup.


25 posted on 11/19/2004 5:42:30 PM PST by tet68 ( " We would not die in that man's company, that fears his fellowship to die with us...." Henry V.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: firebrand

She should have used a Tom turkey.


26 posted on 11/19/2004 5:43:47 PM PST by Old Professer ( Unabashed advocate for the ignition and inhalation of bundled plant products in private)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: boomop1

My sister thought she was following mom's instructions.

She survived.


27 posted on 11/19/2004 5:44:28 PM PST by bannie (Jamma Nana!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 15 | View Replies]

To: SamAdams76

Did you ever try staring in an oven window slowly growing dim for eight hours?


28 posted on 11/19/2004 5:45:12 PM PST by Old Professer ( Unabashed advocate for the ignition and inhalation of bundled plant products in private)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 19 | View Replies]

To: diamond6
My ex sister-in-law was hosting the family Thanksgiving for the first time, she was trying to get everything right. My parents turned off the highway a few blocks from their house. They could smell something kinda overpowering. She had a cold at the time and couldn't smell the stuffing and put in 1 and 1/2 bottles of thyme. The turkey was tinged green.
29 posted on 11/19/2004 5:45:39 PM PST by AirForceMom (I have post-election elation syndrome)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 21 | View Replies]

To: TXnMA

ooo, a projectile.


30 posted on 11/19/2004 5:45:48 PM PST by bannie (Jamma Nana!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: ProudVet77

Yes, you can thaw, cook, and then refreeze the cooked turkey. I do it all the time.


31 posted on 11/19/2004 5:45:51 PM PST by LouAvul
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: marmar

Oh it was real alright, had a nice tablecloth, a nice plate
with dressing, potatos, green beens etc.

I don't know how many marines held that turkey leg.

I was always reminded of that Bill Mauldin cartoon
where the photog is telling a dogface," Congratulations
soldier, you are the 2000th GI to pose with that coke,
you may drink it."


32 posted on 11/19/2004 5:46:37 PM PST by tet68 ( " We would not die in that man's company, that fears his fellowship to die with us...." Henry V.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 14 | View Replies]

To: 7.62 x 51mm
.foodtv.com's Tyler Florence

Is he the one that can't quite pronounce the name of his own show? "FooNiWahWah"

33 posted on 11/19/2004 5:46:57 PM PST by ErnBatavia (ErnBatavia, Coulter, Malkin, Ingraham....the ultimate Menage a Quatro)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: TXnMA
If you close up the neck hole and drop it in with the body-cavity opening down, it will launch itself several feet in the air.
_______________________________________________________________

Its because of stunts like that that my wife will not let me have one of those turkey fryers. I betcha I could get 10 feet out of that bird. Food is to eat, not play with. Then why did they make potato cannons?
34 posted on 11/19/2004 5:48:03 PM PST by crazyhorse691 (We won. We don't need to be forgiving. Let the heads roll!!!!!!!!!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: LouAvul

One year Thanksgiving was at my cousins. A notoriously ditsy blonde if there ever was one.
She was so proud to have cooked a turkey for the first time!
Unfortunately, we heard a big ' POOF-BOOM' noise.
Upon opening the oven, after checking the house for what it could have been, we found an exploded turkey.
Meat stuck on the oven walls in all directions- bony carcass in pan.
She had PACKED the bird with bread stuffing, but had also not known there was a paper bag inside with the neck, giblets, etc in it. That was jammed in there too.
Result- exploded turkey.
I think we salvaged some of the dark meat from the bottom.
She's never lived it down. lol


35 posted on 11/19/2004 5:51:23 PM PST by ClearBlueSky (Whenever someone says it's not about Islam-it's about Islam. Jesus loves you, Allah wants you dead!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: gitmo

That WKRP is so funny,WOW


36 posted on 11/19/2004 5:51:28 PM PST by Boazo (From the mind of BOAZO)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: Bahbah

The year: 1973. Homemaking 101. Recipe said: Grease and flour bottom and sides of cake pan. It did not specify the INSIDE of pan. True story.


37 posted on 11/19/2004 5:51:58 PM PST by small voice in the wilderness (Quick, act casual. If they sense scorn and ridicule, they'll flee..)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: Viking2002
There is something terribly wrong with FR's server or these posts when it comes to pictures; I can download this site in 6 seconds after I exit FR: http://cagle.slate.msn.com/politicalcartoons/ but it takes over a minute to load a single picture while in FR.
38 posted on 11/19/2004 5:52:09 PM PST by Old Professer ( Unabashed advocate for the ignition and inhalation of bundled plant products in private)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 22 | View Replies]

To: bannie

Our microwaves first victim was a tick my Dad found on the dog. We watched it explode & giggled like idiots. It was Dads idea so he had to clean it up. It was also his brilliant idea to microwave the turkey that year because my mother was ill. That was the worst turkey ever, but worth all the years of teasing we have gotten out of it.


39 posted on 11/19/2004 5:52:15 PM PST by Feiny (Scream if you love silence.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: bannie

rofl

I did that once myself.

40 posted on 11/19/2004 5:52:28 PM PST by delacoert (imperat animus corpori, et paretur statim: imperat animus sibi, et resistitur. -AUGUSTINI)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-4041-6061-65 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson