Posted on 11/07/2004 2:22:40 AM PST by DaveMSmith
A very dear friend of mine, Teresa, had lost all hope today. She is a Christian who has sought the Lord for answers, She has been unafraid of her faith.
She has conservative principals and despite having a despicible character as father of her daughter, Lauren she has always tried to do the right thing, following in the path of the Lord. Teresa was recently hospitalized (emotional health) and she has tried for 13 years now in hopes of making a family with Rocky, Laren's father. Rocky visited her in-patient and led her to belive that they would be able to work things out when she was discharged. Teresa was optimistic despite several rumors that Rocky was engaged to someone else.
Teresa was discharged and was optimistic! She applied for a job and got it on November 2. She was one of GOTV folks: she voted for the very first time... she registered in high school and never voted until this year. Last Tuesday was a blessed day for us.
She also found out that Rocky was indeed married on Oct 30th... and she confirmed he was on his honeymoon last Tuesday. She was in denial up to that point about this. Rocky kept her dependent on him. She is on SSI and receives state assistance.
Her new job that she got all on her own, is her chance to break out of the 'system' that enslaves an entire class. She now has an opportunity for independence and individualism. She is very afraid. Deathly afraid of moving forward.
Teresa realized some time ago that we love each other. We've changed the 'definition' of what kind of love that was depending who us was in our lives. At several points, we talked about seeing each other as soul mates... even mentioning marriage. We drifted apart in summer and I considered reconciliation with my wife who had filed for divorce - we suspended it and I made a trip out to see her if there was a possibility... nothing there. Before I went, Teresa called me from the hospital and we had a really good phone call. We discussed Rocky and my wife, MaryBeth, and we confirmed we'd be lifelong friends. Teresa is the love of my life and I respect her decisions. I held back commenting on what I thought Rocky was doing to her... that was a mistake. We promised we'd always be honest. I was afraid I'd appear 'selfish'.
On Friday eveing we went to dinner with another couple I work with to celebrate Teresa'a new job. We had a good time. Before she left, she was anxious to leave right after coffee came. I thought that was strange and checked my phone for the time... 9:11 - I showed her. She came home and her mom and stepdad saw how positive she was. She called me before going to sleep and told me how good she felt. She was nervous but trusted her faith and the Lord was leading her. I bought her a red rose after dinner. She took it home but didn't put it in water.
About 2AM Rocky called her from his honeymoon to her cellphone. He flattered her and she apparently started to get drawn in again. She had a horrible night.
This morning I got a call from her saying "I want to kill myself". Her mother Joanne was very upset and has been through a long hard time with Teresa with restraining orders because of Rocky. She told me she wanted to send her to the crisis center. I told Joanne that I'm take responsibility and please allow Teresa to come over to my house to talk through where she's at. I went from 'disabled status' to a great job and know I have to get her over this hump.
The phone rang sometime later. She said "I tried to kill myself". She stopped along the highway and was starting to run out in front of an 18 wheeler. The truck swerved and she jumped back. The state police pulled over while she was on the phone with me and he asked if she was ok. She said yes and headed to my home.
Before she called, I was talking to friends and family to get guidence on how to proceed. Bottom line I was very angry at Rocky for what he did to Teresa and I feel I have to take some action... talk to him when he gets back. I felt like Zell Miller and Chris Matthews. Teresa's false hope died by resorting to the most selfish act possible. Ironically, I heard someone committed suicide at ground zero in NYC yesterday with a shotgun. I didn't look for details on that yet.
Teresa and I prayed, talked and held each other this afternoon. At times, I bacame somewhat harsh because I too tried suicide when I was 30 and use a wheelchair as a result. I lived because of a feeling of surivial. We got friends on the phone and the computer. When I showed my anger at Rocky, I broke her cellphone in half - so he couldn't call her. The phone itself was a birthday present from me to her last April. She was shocked and called her mother... interesting she said she 'lost her identity'. I told her we'd go to Verizon and get a new phone with a new number so he can't call. I gave her my cell phone to use. On the way home, she stopped at the place she was at this afternoon and called me to say "I do NOT want to kill myself". For some reason, it then occured to me that Teresa usually turned her phone off overnight but on Friday left it on and Rocky called. I said to her "you know, because you had him in your heart, you left your phone on and he called. You asked for it. There are no accidents".
Awhile later, I called her mom and Teresa was home. I talked to her mom while she was talking to Teresa... reminded her mom that I'm talking responsibility. I spoke to some friends later and are planning on spending time with her tomorrow. We are all on the same page. As many guardian Angels as I can rustle up.
Lord, Teresa, Lauren and I planned on going to church this morning going to the phone store and watching a movie together - the Glenn Miller Story. I pray that these plans provide hope for Teresa. I pray our friends can gently lead Teresa out of the Hell she's in and that I can love gently. I can see Christ within Teresa. Please lead us forward to Your Kingdom.
Ping
I will keep you and yours in my prayers.
Doesn't sound like Teresa wants to stop living...sounds more like she wants to stop living the way she is. And so long as she lets herself get strung along by the jerk, she'll be miserable for all time.
She's going to have to make some tough choices. And right now, I'd say she should put her daughter and her own mental health ahead of any possible romances right now. That's for darned sure.
Prayers up.
Be careful FRiend. A period of emotional instablility is not a good time to consider a relationship.
May God be with you and your friend.
Prayers for you, Teresa and Laren.
Let Teresa understand that her daughter needs her, that you need her and that there will be better times ahead.
Prayers for you and her, I can sympathize with the situation... :-(
Yes I see the Lord is leading us together. We have made mistakes and we are correcting them. We have agreed to 'behave ourselves' as if Lauren were present in the room. Teresa MUST stand on her own as an individual.
Thanks. I need some sleep - time to relax a bit.
May she find Peace.
For the sake of her daughter she has to find the road and get on it.
May God guide you both to do His will.
Please pray for him and for Teresa and those around them in their time of need....
Prayer BTTT
Hi there.
It's rough, and you have my prayers and empathy.
That was a sick thing to say to her. Has it occured to you that you might be just as emotionally abusive to her as her ex?
There's only so much you can do for her. The problem is that she is obsessed with Rocky, who knows this and enjoys it, and that's why he keeps getting in touch with her, even though he has married.
Until she makes the decision to get him out of her life, she won't be able to make any progress. And I don't know what it will take for that to happen. Sometimes people almost seem to become addicted to being in an abusive relationship (I have a friend who was very similar to Lauren). Time may take care of it, if you can keep her going long enough.
But be careful, and try to get outside help (her pastor, for example). Prayers for you both.
life
I'll follow Teresa to Hell and back to get us on the right path. We are totally honest in what we say to each other. We also know that NOT saying something or holding back is worse than saying it. When Teresa is herself, she never minces words with me.
We talked about why this was said and it is the truth. Teresa woke up last night when I started writing this thread and again when I posted it. After a few hours sleep, I woke up this morning and two minutes later the phone rang from her. That is how powerful her love is.
As for abusive, we agreed much of what was said yesterday was like dogs 'play fighting' or what we call 'bitey face'. No feelings are ever harmed, we just let go. Let the Lord. Talk about what was said later. We learn a lot.
This thread has had amazing results already. Teresa found comfort and strength in everyone's words. My challange now is to direct my anger over this situation with Rocky where it is due. I certainly don't want to become the abusive person he is. I'm planning on calling his father later today and having a chat... perhaps mentioning this thread.
Sending prayers and hope!
Refer her to a good rational-emotive-behavioral psychotherapist.
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