Posted on 10/21/2004 12:08:43 PM PDT by pookie18
The records of Democratic Presidential Candidate John Kerry's 1988 divorce from Wall Street heiress Julia Thorne were unsealed yesterday, revealing that Kerry has always been a condescending and uninteresting prick. It is uncertain whether revelations of sexual "JFK" role-playing and narcissistic orgasms will hurt his presidential campaign. Unlike Jack Ryan, whose Senate campaign was derailed when his divorce records revealed that he pressured ex-wife Jeri Ryan to attend sex clubs, Kerry's divorce records reveal a rather pedestrian, if not somewhat ego- and Kennedy-centric sex life.
Thorne swore under oath that Kerry, "often made me dress up like Jackie O ['Nassis] or Marilyn Monroe, and would make me call him 'JFK.' His idea of foreplay was either to ask whether, 'Mrs. President wanted to solve the 'Kerry Missile Crisis,' or to say, 'who wants to have sex with John Kerry? Bring-it-on.'" She also claimed he regularly yelled out his own name during orgasm.
The records reveal that the couple rarely fought, if only because Kerry would vaguely claim both sides of an argument. "Often I'd say something like, 'John, you need to watch the children more; I need time to myself,'" Thorne claims in an affidavit, "and he'd say, 'Yes, I agree that husbands should contribute to the household, but only if they aren't working overtime to afford healthcare.' He thought he was so clever. And if trying to 'confuse' me with his 'intellect' didn't work, he'd say something like, 'you know, Julia, when I was in Vietnam I had to watch over the children of a nation.' He used the Vietnam thing a lot; it usually made no sense."
In fact, Thorne's main reason for filing for divorce was simply that, "John spent an inordinate amount of time looking in the mirror, talking to himself. When he did address me, it was usually in the form of a rhetorical question, like ' how good does my hair look today?' or a quasi-joke, like 'on a scale of nine to ten, how attractive am I?' It was almost as though I existed solely to confirm his egocentricity."
I hate to say this, but I think I'd rather be locked in a cell with DuhRayzuh than JFK.
Bwah!
often made me dress up like Jackie O ['Nassis] or Marilyn Monroe, and would make me call him 'JFK.'
This is incredible information.. He has a personality disorder were he thinks that he is JFK.
Is this for real?
This is a joke, right?
(yes, I know ... it is)
This can't be true. How come I didn't see a "sarcasm" post with this article.
Satire...
Me too. At least SHE'S alive!
Check the source
Check the source
Check the source
If you are that gullible, the Democrats have a new ad they want you to focus group for them ...
OK. If it's satire, it would be much funnier if he had another sexual dysfunction; "He was so indecisive that he came and went at the same time".
Memo to all - this is a parody.
This is a hoot. I guess a lot of people missed the topic: Humor. It's just that so much of it is so - believable!
It took me two whole paragraphs to realize it was a joke.
He was thinking of Edwards.
Why am I not surprised.
Bahwawawawawawa,
Oh pookster, you little pranster.
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