"If Bush Wins, I'm..."

SF Weekly ^ | October 16, 2004 | John Mecklin

[L.N. Smithee]

What will we do if George W. Bush is re-elected in three weeks? Dog Bites doesn't know, but surely Google must. We searched for the phrase "If Bush wins, I'm ...." From the 450 or so hits that were returned, here's what we learned:

"if Bush wins I'm going to be living with some very unhappy Brazilians."

"If Bush wins I'm gonna get drunk, drive over to the states and drop a great big dump in the middle of the peace bridge."

"If Bush wins, I'm going to attempt to bring down the US government and replace it with a freely-elected democracy."

"if Bush wins, I'm outta here. Canada or NZ, wherever I can go, I'll go."

"if Bush wins I'm not going to be hopelessly defeated."

"if bush wins, i'm definately going to canada."

"If Bush wins (I'm not saying again), I'll chalk it up on my big 'Reasons to Commit Suicide in The Modern World' List."

"If Bush wins, I'm moving to South America!"

"If bush wins, I'm jumping the fence to mexico."

"If Bush wins, I'm hoping you'll stand with us in our rebellion against this Bush dictatorship."

"If Bush wins, I'm never going to hear the end of it from my friends."

"If Bush wins, I'm moving back to the UK."

"if bush wins, I'm throwing the biggest fit in the world and then using my lifesavings to move to canada!!!"

"If Bush wins i'm moving to New Zealand, oh wait, i'm already here, suckers."

"if Bush wins, I'm joining up."

"if Bush wins I'm going to leave the country."

"if Bush wins, I'm going to be looking for a new country to call home."

"If Bush wins, I'm gonna be really loud (in my unimportant way)."

"If Bush wins, I'm moving out of the United States cause of Bush."

"If Bush wins, I'm going to the Washington Mall."

"If Bush wins, I'm moving to Canada."

"If Bush wins, I'm moving back to Canada ... or maybe to Christine's neighborhood."

"if Bush wins I'm not jumping out a 20 story window."

"if Bush wins, I'm off to New Zealand to live with Rob and Kirsty."

"If Bush wins, I'm moving to Australia, and I've already got the paperwork started."

"If Bush wins, I'm seriously going back to college outside the US."

"if bush wins, i'm moving to canada..."

"If Bush wins I'm holding everyone who didn't vote for Kerry accountable, especially those who know better."

"if bush wins..i'm gonna be the happiest person alive and i'm going to be so proud to be american...haha GO BUSH!!!!!"

"If Bush wins I'm going to have to summon all the equanimity that Buddhism offers."

"If Bush wins, I'm moving to Canada..."

"If Bush wins I'm moving to Germany."

"if Bush wins (I'm not voting for either of these a-holes), I r-e-a-l-l-y want Hillary to run for President in 2008, so that she can finally have a stake driven through her political career."

"If Bush wins, I'm pretty certain that we will go after Iran and/or Syria next (Iran more likely)."

"If Bush wins, I'm leaving."

"If Bush wins, I'm gone."

"if Bush wins, I'm burning my passport on the embassy steps and pleaing for asylum, anyone care to join me?"

"If Bush wins, I'm holding Nader and Patti responsible."

"if bush wins, i'm moving out of the country ... preferably to england."

"If Bush wins I'm thinking 2008 will be the battle of the women."

"if Bush wins, I'm terrified at how the liberal minded will react. I hope not violently."

"If Bush wins, I'm gonna start drinking!"

"If Bush wins I'm off to Canada -- don't think I can cope with Dubaya for another 4 years."

"if bush wins i'm not going to leave holland."

"if Bush wins, I'm removing myself from the voter rolls."

"If Bush wins, I'm still crossing my fingers, except this time hoping he doesn't launch a worldwide blitzkrieg or something."

"if Bush wins, I'm moving to San Miguel de Allende Mexico."

"if Bush wins, I'm moving to Switzerland."

"if Bush wins, I'm moving to Canada. Eh?"

"If Bush wins I'm moving to North Korea."

"If Bush wins, I'm going to make like a cicada and hide under the bed for four years."

"If Bush wins, I'm moving to Canada and requesting political asylum."

"If Bush wins, I'm sure the angels will rejoice -- there will be thousands of lives saved, more God-fearing laws, less liberal influence, etc."

"If Bush wins I'm moving to Canada!"

"if Bush wins, I'm willing to stay if the Democrats break the GOP hold on Congress."

"if Bush wins I'm moving out of the country."

"if bush wins, i'm moving to canada or australia!"

"If Bush wins, I'm packing up my stuff and heading to Canada."

"if Bush wins, I'm lighting up just because, well...f--- it."

"If Bush wins, I'm leaving the country. That simple."

"If bush wins, I'm moving to Connecticut cause America will be done for."

"If Bush wins, I'm up $1,000."

"If Bush wins, I'm not going to cause a riot but will handle myself with poise and tactfully smile."

"if bush wins, i'm having a re-count riot party."

"If Bush wins I'm considering moving to another country."

"If Bush wins I'm staying inside my fallout shelter for 4 years."

"If Bush wins I'm hoping (and do feel it is plausible) for a 60/40 split."

"if Bush wins I'm sure Christian institutions will continue to receive a hell of a lot more money than they previously had."

"if Bush wins, I'm staying until 2005."

"If Bush wins, I'm afraid I'll have to become a tad more militant."

"if Bush wins I'm moving out of the country."

"if bush wins I'm moving to canada."

"if Bush wins, I'm going to need to be able to tell myself that I did everything humanly possible to prevent it."

"If Bush wins, I'm happy."

"if bush wins, I'm starting a revolution."

"if Bush wins I'm guessing Dick Cheney will run for Prez and maybe Hilary will run."

"If Bush wins I'm moving to Germany."

"if Bush wins, I'm going to grab two or three of my stinky freinds, find the busiest intersection I can find and picket with slogans such as 'Bush = War Hero' and 'George Bush was Elected.'"

"if Bush wins I'm not going to be able to stand it online enduring another 4 years of liberal *****ing about every single little pissant issue or news story."

"If Bush wins, I'm hopeful we'll take the gloves off and finally start kicking some Islamic ass."

"if Bush wins I'm the front-runner in '08."

"If Bush wins I'm moving to Cuba."

"If Bush wins I'm blaming it on your state!"

"if Bush wins I'm afraid that America is a lost cause."

"if Bush wins, I'm not going anyplace colder than here!"

"If Bush wins, I'm shooting the redeemer in my sig at the White House as soon as he's reinagurated."

"if Bush wins, I'm moving to Canada."

"If Bush wins, I'm hoping for chaos in the states."

"if bush wins, i'm killing EVERYBODY."

"If Bush Wins, I'm Going Underground."

"If Bush wins ... I'm leaving with the Baldwins."

"If Bush wins I'm going to riot."

"If Bush wins, I'm very scared for the US and the world..."

"If Bush wins, I'm going to kill myself."

"if Bush wins, I'm moving to Canada."

"if Bush wins, i'm nuking the USA myself. i only thought i'd give you fair warning."

"If Bush wins I'm going to Disneyland." (Tommy Craggs)

[lawgirl]

If Bush wins, I will collapse onto my knees and thank God.

And then I am going to go color my gray hairs.

[Simmy2.5]

lol. Somehow I'm not surprised given the liberal education system here.

Now, supposing that these people live in San Francisco, why move to Connecticut when they could simply stay where they are at? I'm certain San Francisco is about as far away from America you could get, without actually leaving the States. :-P

Speaking of which...
"If Bush wins I'm moving to North Korea."

Man, just what people want to do. Leave cozy San Francisco, and live with starvation in a nation run by a freaken loon! Hilarious.

[HardStarboard]

If Kerry wins, I will pull my money out of the market and seriously start shopping for real-estate in Australia.

[exDemMom]

Well, if all those people claiming to have plans to move to Canada, New Zealand, England, Brazil, Connecticutt (LOL!) actually do so, they will do a great thing for America. Export more liberals to countries that are already so liberal they're going down the tubes, leaving the conservative "can-do" spirit stronger and more concentrated than ever.

If Bush wins, I'll help those nut cases move!

[processing please hold]

Amen

[Simmy2.5]

Hmmmm. Well, it is possible I guess that Bush won the popular vote the last time if all provisional ballots were counted...but the margin was like 500,000 for Gore that Bush needed to overcome if it mattered.

Granted, a lot of that 500,000 is the dead or illegal vote, but hey, when did that matter?

[imskylark]

Let's take up a collection to help them leave.

[Slings and Arrows]

http://www.freedominion.ca/phpBB2/portal.php

[oldpath]

Not "If" but "When" Bush wins, I want to start a small business. If by some freak accident Kerry wins, I am going to look for the return of Christ!! God help us!!

[Mad_Tom_Rackham]

When President Bush wins, I want to see all of these cretins follow throught with their threats.

[xp38]

Dom? What happened to the French boycott? At least buy some expensive non French wine. Not sure what the best sparlking wine outside of Champagne is but there are certainly some top notch still table wines out there.

[Waco]

If Bush wins, come get Mike Moore, please someone come get him. If all these dorks keep their word CO² emissions will drop like a rock in the USA.

[Petronski]

If Bush wins, I'm going to get drunk and pee in my neighbors' lawn.


Why my neighbors' lawn?

In 2000, I got drunk and peed in my own lawn. It's their turn.

[TASMANIANRED]

If Bush wins I'm gonna party till I drop.

I'm gonna petition Senator McConnell and Congresswoman Northrup to put some teeth in election fraud laws and encourage all of you to do the same.

I'm gonna invest my tax saving and grow up to be a Rich Investor.

I'm gonna get another dog because I'll have the extra dough.

I'm gonna grin till my face splits.

I'm gonna ignore politics for about a month because this season has given me ulcers.

I'm gonna send my money to operation Ac instead of politicians ( I'm already sending some, It's just the Swifties and W needed some).

[Cvengr]

Looks like America owes it to the Department of Immigration to vote Bush in,....at least to get all the damned Canooks outahere!

[rlmorel]

If Bush wins...I'm gonna buy some welding goggles and a one way ticket to a deserted island for that dude who promised to use a nuke on himself! I have always wanted to see a nuclear explosion when it is used for entertainment purposes!

[silent_jonny]

Clever post!

My favorite is:

"If Bush wins, I'm moving to Australia, and I've already got the paperwork started."

That's a ringing endorsement for the Kerry campaign.

[Agrarian]

I had nice celebrations in 1980, 1984, and 1988. The SoreLoserman recount machine robbed me of that little pleasure in 2000, and in its place gave me nightmares and ulcers for weeks following.

I'm thinking single-malt Scotch for 2004... The question is whether it will be one quaffed in thanksgiving or in despair. May God grant it that it be the former.

[sweetliberty]

Promises; promises. Always they make promises and never follow through. *Sigh*

[rlmorel]

Oh Darn. I misread his post. He said he was going to nuke the USA himself. Rats. Oh, wait. That must mean he lives in France! I can buy a ticket to somewhere outside the blast zone and watch while the USA launches a pre-emptive nuclear strike on that guy!