Posted on 09/25/2004 11:49:44 AM PDT by Publius
Our intrepid leader, W, prides himself on being a man of strong faith. It is no secret that he turns to God for guidance. If three hurricanes in a row slamming into Florida right before the 2004 election isn't a clear sign from the Almighty that he wasn't pleased with how things went in that state in 2000, I don't know what is. Even George should be able to interpret that sign!
This upcoming election is starting to scare the great citizens of the state of Washington. A recent CNN poll on swing states showed that Washington was the only state that supports John Kerry even more than it supported Al Gore. Another recent survey showed that Seattle was the most educated city in the United States. Correlation? Hmm. If the rest of the more conservative, less educated citizens of the United States decide that W is a great leader and he gets re-elected, it's time for desperate measures.
Here's what we do and how we pull it off: We secede. That's right, we leave the United States and become our own nation. Not forever, just for four years, then we apologize and rejoin the union. First order of business is finding a new name. Because we share our name with our nation's (that's ex-nation's) capital, we are the only state in the union that has to be preceded by the words "in the state of" or called "Washington state" to avoid confusion over what Washington is being discussed. It makes us sound like we all live on a campus in Pullman.
For this story I'm calling our new nation Cascadia ... we can vote on it later. President Bush can't stop us from seceding. What's he going to do? Go to war with us? That would be a political nightmare that even the Bush administration could comprehend. Although we do have an operating nuclear plant and probably the best nuclear scientists in the world working at Hanford, Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld may see us as a threat and decide we need to be taken out. Think twice, Rummy, Wolfy, etc.
Here's where we got 'em: We lead the nation in the production of hops and grapes; we are the home of Microsoft and Starbucks. Yeah, that's right. We control the beer, wine, software and caffeine in this country. Now who needs whom? Maybe you want to negotiate with us, or we cut off the beer, wine, coffee and shut down all the computers. Did I mention that we build all the jets that are produced in this nation? Oh, yeah, we lead the nation in the production of both hydroelectric and wind power. We export energy from Cascadia -- lots of it!
Lights? Heat? You might need those. Will you guys need any food? Besides hops and grapes, Cascadia also leads the nation in the production of apples, cherries, raspberries, lentils, pears, spearmint and wrinkled peas. That's right, I said it: wrinkled peas, baby! We're No. 1. We also make the top 5 list in apricots, peppermint, fall potatoes, plums, wheat, barley and cranberries. Hungry? I thought so. Oh, did I mention that Cascadia is also a leader in lumber, fishing, cattle and dairy production? I'm telling you, they can't touch us! We got what they need!
Imagine what Cascadia would be like if we took all our federal taxes and kept them here. First, the price of jets, beer, wine, coffee, food, energy and software will be going up in the United States. We'll be rolling in dough. New Alaskan Way Viaduct? Done. Light rail from British Columbia to Oregon? Done. New highways? Done. Universal affordable health care? Done. Improved schools? Done. Everybody will be employed in Cascadia's booming economy.
We will look like Eden to the rest of the country; flop sweat will appear on W's head every time someone mentions Cascadia. It'll make him crazy. He'll ask to come visit but since we are now an independent nation, guess what? We tell him we're not interested. Millions of people will want to move here, but since we are an independent nation we only let in whom we want, when we want. Our property values skyrocket! The conservative farmers on the eastside of Cascadia, who initially hated the idea of secession, are all onboard when they see the price their crops are bringing when they can start sending them anywhere in the world.
Of course, we love being Americans. After four years, when we've fixed and built everything we need, we tell the United States that we are ready to rejoin. At that point we control the 2008 presidential election. We simply tell the citizens of United States which president we'd like to see in office and they vote him (or her) in, it's a done deal. The new Democratic president comes to Cascadia to accept us back in the union and everything is forgotten. Americans are now very well aware of where their software, caffeine, beer and wine come from. And we keep our new name -- just to be sure there's no confusion.
Brad Upton just celebrated his 20th year as a stand-up comedian and 48th year as a resident of Cascadia.
Actually I was part of the Cedar County movement a few years back where we rural folk tried to create a new county out of the rural parts of King County. We did it by the book (followed the state constitution to the letter), and the Secretary of State (a Liberal Republican) refused to accept our valid thousands of signatures. We had to sue the state and the State Supreme Court created whole new law as to how a new county must be created. We were told that the downtown Seattle power structure gave their (old political hack) buddies on the State Supreme Court orders not to dare let us split off. It's the rural areas that contribute the millions of tax dollars that fund all the downtown schemes. Without the rural area, they'd lose their tax base. King County is the 15th largest county in the U.S. and should be split into SEVERAL new counties, but under the new laws the Supreme Court wrote, it will be virtually impossible to ever break King County up now.
As a side note, I just did a search on www.opensecrets.com to see who here in the area east of Lake Washington was contributing to, and learned one thing insteresting. Jim Sinegal and Jeff Brotman (founders of Costco) contribute the MAXIMUM amount to every single Dimocrat they can find. Talk about rabid-foaming-at-the-mouth Libs, looks like these two are personally funding our overthrow. That's the end of shopping at Costco for me!
As for the intelligence of Seattleites, Seattle has given us Baghdad Jim McDermott, Patti Osama Mamma Murray, Maria Cant-do-well, Ron Sims, Christine Gregoire, and a whole assortment of lesser luminaries.
Of major importance to Freepers, The State Republican party is working to just get one more Republican vote per precinct. Slade Gorton (RINO) lost his senate seat to Maria Cantwell by just one vote per precinct. Our local Republicans are a sorry lot, but at least they're better than anything the Dems offer up.
In the interests of accuracy, I should point out that both of these people came from (Fort) Shoreline, my current home.
You've got reinforcements here in Belltown at the Sydney...
Or offer Bill Clinton the job of 'Supreme Overlord of Cascadia, and Defender of the Berkely Pact'. Just because he can't be President of the United States again doesn't mean he can't be President of Cascadia. Anyone think he'd pass up the job? Because you know they'd all vote him back in.
Bless you. The Puget Sound FReeper Network rules!
See my message above. I guess Wyatt Earp is they guy I see with the Rossi bumper sticker around here.
Shoreline's a nice town with the exception of those two ditzy broads and the fact that Aurora runs through it.
Ah, Lenin - the most conservative politician in Seattle.
You know, I laughed my ass off reading that until it dawned on me that you're probably right.
As long as the contract permitted him "an unlimited number of BJ's per day", he'd be happy.
Texas considered secceeding from the union about twenty years years. They decided against it because they didn't want to patrol their own borders.--- Okies can be awfully sneaking.
Splendid thought - !
Everyone would be happy - and that's the way it should be -
He would be out of America(for good, I would hope) and that state would get someone they justly deserve - :)
Of course - he might do to them what he did to America - sell them out - but then this state is into taking chances!
Someone needs to re-educate this poor excuse for a stand up comic. Washington doesn't build squat when it comes to airplanes. Boeing does.
Well, considering that his approval ratings in Florida have risen sharply as a result of his response to the hurricanes, there's really only one way he can interpret that sign, if sign it be.
Why don't they just call themselves Canadia?
Excellent suggestion you leftist scum. Just don't expect your thin majority to be able to rule this large state. Go take a look at the famous red/blue map again. With an angry US Navy blockading your ports it's gonna get ugly in Seattle when the rest of the states blockades all roads into the city. I guess you have enough coffee beans stored up to last for a while. HA !
I concur with your analysis.
Interesting.
I guess that as a Bush supporter my two masters degrees don't count. Guess that goes the same for my military retiree status as well.
Neither would Ft. Lewis or Puget Sound Naval Base
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