He's got one.
Posted on 09/06/2004 9:42:11 AM PDT by Nachum
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Tom Brokaw: Okay, who are we up to?
Voice of Producer: Uh.. we're still on Presidents. Gerald Ford.
Tom Brokaw: Gerald Ford? Well, he's in good shape..
Voice of Producer: Just covering our bases, Tom. You never know..
Tom Brokaw: Alright, alright.. [ graphic of Gerald Ford, "1913-1996" appears over Tom's left shoulder ] "Gerald Ford dead today at the age of 83."
Voice of Producer: Okay, good. Annd, one for next year.
Tom Brokaw: Alright.. [ graphic of Gerald Ford, "1913-1997" ] "Gerald Ford dead today, at age 84."
Voice of Producer: Uh.. a little sadder.
Tom Brokaw: Alright. [ sad ] "Gerald Ford dead today.. at age 84.."
Voice of Producer: That was good. Good.
Tom Brokaw: Okay, what now?
Voice of Producer: Now let's do one for if he's shot.
Tom Brokaw: Well, what are the chances of that?
Voice of Producer: We're just covering contingencies.
Tom Brokaw: I mean, it just seems that Gerald Ford..
Voice of Producer: Look - you're the one who wants to spend the whole winter in Barbados, okay? Now, we gotta be ready with something, just in case. Alright, Tom?
Tom Brokaw: Alright, alright.. [ graphic of Gerald Ford, "1913-1996" ] "Gerald Ford shot dead today, at age 83."
Voice of Producer: Uh.. add the word "senseless".
Tom Brokaw: Alright. "Gerald Ford shot dead today, at the senseless age of 83."
Voice of Producer: Um.. uh..
Tom Brokaw: Alright, alright.. "Gerald Ford shot senselessly dead, at the age of 83."
Voice of Producer: Good, good.. Okay, now suicide.
Tom Brokaw: What?!
Voice of Producer: Just read it!
Tom Brokaw: Alright. "Gerald Ford dead today, after jupming out of an office building, senselessly."
Voice of Producer: That's a nice touch. Okay, moving on.
Tom Brokaw: Okay. "Gerald Ford dead today, from an overdose of crack cocaine."
Voice of Producer: Good, good.. Next.
Tom Brokaw: Alright. [ graphic of Gerald Ford and a commuter plane ] "Stunning news from Michigan, as former President Gerald Ford was chopped into little bits by the propeller of a commuter plane."
Voice of Producer: Good. One take.
Tom Brokaw: Alright, we got it?
Voice of Producer: No. We've got "eaten by wolves".
Tom Brokaw: What? Now, come on!
Voice of Producer: Just read it!
Tom Brokaw: Gerald Ford isn't gonna be eaten by wolves!
Voice of Producer: Taft was.
Tom Brokaw: Really? Taft?
Voice of Producer: Uh.. yeah.
Tom Brokaw: Alright, alright.. [ graphic of Ford surrounded by a pair of wolves ] "Tragedy today, as former President Gerald Ford was eaten by wolves. He was delicious." Now.. now, that's just superfluous, you know?
Voice of Producer: It's a former President, Tom. What do you say - he's not delicious?
Tom Brokaw: Alright, fine.. what's next?
Voice of Producer: The double story.
Tom Brokaw: Alright. [ graphic of Ford and map of France ] "A fireball destroyed France today, and Gerald Ford is dead." Now, what are the odds of that?
Voice of Producer: Fine. We'll get Stone Phillips to do it. You know, I'm sure Stone Phillips would be thrilled to break a story like that!
Tom Brokaw: Alright. Let's keep moving.. [ graphic of Ford and the corpse of Richard Nixon ] "Stunning news from Yorba Linda today, as Richard Nixon's corpse climbed out of his grave and strangled Gerald For to death."
Voice of Producer: Excellent.
Tom Brokaw: Alright. [ graphic of Ford and circus lion ] "Gerald Ford was mauled senselessly by a circus lion in a convenience store."
Voice of Producer: Good. Next.
Tom Brokaw: Alright. "Gerald Ford is dead today, and I'm gay." Now, wait a minute!
Voice of Producer: What? That'd be a huge story - Ford dying, and you coming out!
Tom Brokaw: But I'm not gay!
Voice of Producer: Today you're not gay, you know.. but then one day you wake up, you like men, and Gerald Ford dies, and we're screwed. Everyone's hearing about it from Dan Rather!
Tom Brokaw: Alright, alright.. what's this for?
[ graphic of Gerald Ford and the Zimbabwee flag appears ]
Voice of Producer: Alright, this one's for if we're invaded by Zimbabwee.
Tom Brokaw: Would I still be the anchor if Zimbabwee invaded us?
Voice of Producer: Yeah.. if you break the Gerald Ford story, you will..
Tom Brokaw: Alright. "Hola bambe, hungala dimba Gerald Ford.. *click* *click* *click* *click* ..hola bambe, allah bumba bubba hulla humba hey."
Voice of Producer: Very nice. Very nice. A little sadder, please.
Tom Brokaw: Alright, alright.. [ sadly ] "Hola bambe, hungala dimba Gerald Ford.. *click* *click* ..hola bambe.."
I've read that. My mother did not survive her quadruple bypass (her heart ruptured several hours after the surgery). In the few days before her emergency surgery, I read everything I could about bypasses. The articles described how difficult the recovery would be. One of the things mentioned was the drop in intelligence. It was most significant after the surgery but improved after a year though it never reached the pre-surgery level. There was no known medical reason for the drop. Some speculated it was due to the chilling of the body during surgery.
My uneducated guess: the trauma of the surgery and recovery causes a loss of motivation, not a physical injury to the brain. People realize their own mortality and frailty. That has to have some effect on mental aggressiveness.
Interesting... they're probably starting to write election wrapups for all the possible outcomes.
not true!!! I had triple by-pass aug 16th this year and i am much smarter for it.
I don't smoke anymore and I don't eat greasy foods anymore. If, anything, by-pass surgery makes you much smarter!!
He's got one.
I wonder if the lib stations got theirs all ready. They probably have shows all lined up "Clinton; The Messiah, Savoir of us all" ...Ehhh gad, I hope this dude don`t die. I couldn`t take weeks and weeks of the left praising this punk like he was God Almighty. "And then he saved the children and the puppies but the evil Republicans set out to destroy him with lies and fire!"
How much you want to bet if he does die, some lefties will of course say "He went through tremendous stress because of Ken Starr and that obviously contributed to his bad health! They killed him!"
If I remember right, it was about two years ago when a news organization mistakenly put a Reagan obit into a publicly accessible part of their website. I don't remember which paper or network it was, but there were some threads about it in this forum.
That sounds about right. My memory isn't what it used to be. LOL
Perhaps it would attract more comments today than it did originally.
How long would it take to make write a valid obit for HIM: "Lying, Cowardly, Traitorous, Misogynistic, Sociopathic Ex-President Dead"
Or, to save space: "He's Dead Jim"
Or, to save space: "He's Dead Jim"
I was just going to post that.
Q: What would guarantee Hildabeast's election in 2008?
A: Running as the widow of a popular former President (ala Jean Carnahan - Missouri Senator - D.)
The Red Queen strikes again.
I'm not entirely kidding. The press seems to want the war to go poorly in Iraq and the economy to go into the tank in order to aid Kerry's reelection. Is that much of a stretch to think they wouldn't take advantage of the potential death of Clinton to benefit Kerry?
President Clinton can thank competitively priced & private - not socialized - health care for his success.
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