Posted on 07/28/2004 4:40:28 PM PDT by Mr. Silverback
Do men still want to get married? Or has a culture of casual sex and cohabitation made men lose all interest in marriage? A new report from Rutgers University provides some fascinating insights into a subject that’s often misunderstood.
Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David Popenoe in “The Marrying Kind: Which Men Marry and Why”—part of Rutgers’s annual “State of Our Unions” report—write that we know less than we think we do about young men and their attitudes toward marriage. They note that young married men are hardly ever portrayed in popular culture, as if there are none. “Yet . . . in 2002, there were 9.5 million married men between the ages of 25 and 34. And contrary to the popular stereotype, the typical thirty-something guy is a married guy.”
Moreover, many men in the 25-to-34 age group have positive feelings about marriage. Ninety-four percent of young married men that the authors surveyed “say that they are happier being married than being single.” And although many of the young single men in the survey planned to delay marriage for a while, only one in five does not intend to marry.
It’s encouraging to know that so many younger men still hold marriage in high regard. As Whitehead and Popenoe point out, marriage changes men in ways that dating and cohabitation don’t. Being married improves men’s health, finances, job success, and other aspects of their lives. And in turn, the authors say, “marriage includes a norm of male altruism.” It teaches men to put their family’s needs ahead of their own and encourages them to work to better their society.
Unfortunately, there’s also some bad news here. Our culture still isn’t doing a very good job of preparing men for marriage. Men are freely offered alternatives, like cohabitation, that damage their attitudes toward women as well as their understanding of marriage. This may be why the evidence suggests that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce.
So it’s worth asking what factors encourage men to get married and help them build successful marriages. What Whitehead and Popenoe found isn’t surprising: Men with strong religious faith and men raised in intact two-parent families “are significantly more likely to marry and to have positive views of marriage and family life.” Interestingly, men from traditional families also had a better view of women than did young men from single-parent households.
These findings are backed up by a recent book titled Soft Patriarchs, New Men: How Christianity Shapes Fathers and Husbands. Author W. Bradford Wilcox analyzed an enormous amount of data about three groups: conservative Protestants, mainline Protestants, and those with no religious affiliation. He came to a conclusion that doesn’t surprise us: that is, conservative Protestant men come closest to the ideal of what a husband and father should be. Contrary to popular stereotypes, these men are more affectionate and more “engaged emotionally” with their wives and children. Their faith directly inspires their view of their role in the family.
So there’s no need to despair just yet about the state of marriage. There are still quite a few men out there who are “the marrying kind”—men inspired by their Christian worldview.
I know plenty of men that don't think much of marriage. Or at least don't want to support a stay at home mom and kids.
By the feminists I know... I remember the whole Promise Keepers bashing.
I think it started being a bad thing for a number of reasons including lifestyle, and emphasis on a woman's worth being in her career.
So?
Excellent point! The number one task when looking for a mate is to avoid the millions of people who you could be miserable with!
Notice the screen name.....there has to be a band there. I'm limited to a very small number of bases, and just happen to live at the one that is farthest from any sort of actual civilization. The closest real city to me is about 2 and a half hours away, Atlanta.
true LOL
Oh they exist. You are more likely to get them in the suburbs than the direct city of New York though IMO.
Do you have a hobby or church where you can join some social gathering?
Churches has groups within and events.
No good guys in your church, then go to the next church of your faith near you and look there. Spread out your hunting area!
I play tennis, I can meet women while playing tennis at a tennis club.
You might be a bowler, golfer, tennis player or you can meet guys at Ballys or 24 hour fitness centers.
You could go sit in sports bars during football season with girlfriends as a fan of football and you will meet easy going guys there. As a bonus, you will be able to verify their typical drinking habits before hand in person and will know their self control.
Lots of inventive ways to meet people.
Go back to college and take a class in something where guys will be. Computer repair and maintenance!!!!
I'm beginning to do things more, except I'm very shy which I have to get over LOL I'd have to go into NYC as much as I don't want to because where I live I'm very isolated socially.
Was there a chapter in here about how to marry a rich woman? Anything penned by John Kerry. Kerry appeared to have really found the golden meal ticket. He ought to write his own book.
Move for sure.
Near Las Vegas Nevada, Arizona, Florida.
I wasn't sure of your name, for all I know the musical represented some digestive problem that left you making noise after dinner! LOL
Well, it wouldn't have been a gift for me. My wife is wonderful...
I bet if there was a study done, Republican men are far more likely to want to be married than democrat party men. (straight men in the democrat party?) I bet that little detail would send shockwaves in the female and looking population.
Sometimes it means that too....remember the Monty Python theme?
"This stick house sucks! Quick, let's all run to the straw house."
Sorry, not buying.
Doesn't matter.
Once they get here, American culture goes to work on them, too (and there are a great many who practically make an industry of suckering desperate American men).
I suppose some might be immune--just as there are a small-percentage of American rasied women who are almost tolerable.
But wherever you find one (and I'd NEVER--NEVER--go looking for one overseas intentionally), if you go so far as to marry, I would advise that you be able to live your lives out together in some part of the USA where you will be as far removed from the corrupting influence of modern society as possible.
Marriage is not something between two people.
Marriage is something between two people and the society in which they live.
People should be as careful about where they raise a family as in choosing a mate.
You are added! See you tomorrow.
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