http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=903
EDWARDS ASKS KERRY TO STOP GRABBING HIS ASS
Public Displays of Affection ‘Distracting,’ Says Kerry’s No. 2
After a mere two days on the campaign trail, the first signs of tension between John Kerry and running mate John Edwards emerged today as Sen. Edwards requested, firmly and unequivocally, that Mr. Kerry stop grabbing his ass.
“I think Sen. Kerry has made it very clear in our joint appearances that he is happy to have me on the ticket,” Mr. Edwards told reporters. “He really doesn’t have to prove it by repeatedly grabbing my ass.”
At a campaign stop in Pennsylvania today, Mr. Edwards was in the middle of a speech when he emitted a high-pitched yelp, apparently in response to yet another unexpected display of affection from Sen. Kerry.
“Jesus, John,” a visibly annoyed Mr. Edwards said to Mr. Kerry, who merely stood behind him smiling mischievously.
In a sign that Mr. Kerry’s unwanted embraces may be taking their toll on the newly-minted vice-presidential candidate, Mr. Edwards departed from his prepared remarks, telling hs audience, “There are two Americas – one that gets to grab ass, and one that gets its ass grabbed.”
Intriguingly, a source confirmed that Mr. Kerry’s penchant for ass-grabbing was the principal reason Rep. Dick Gephardt (D-Missouri) did not make the Democratic ticket: “The whole idea of it grossed Dick out.”
Elsewhere, indicted former Enron CEO Ken Lay today announced that he would seek amnesty by applying for a position as an Iraqi insurgent.
And in Washington, Attorney General John Ashcroft told all Americans to be on the lookout for a terror suspect disguised as an obese man wearing glasses and a baseball cap, accompanied by a documentary film crew.
Oh my! ROFLOLOLOL
Your post was my Sunday breakfast grin. Lunch is at 12 noon ......get on it Dave !!
Stay safe !
At a campaign stop in Pennsylvania today, Mr. Edwards was in the middle of a speech when he emitted a high-pitched yelp, apparently in response to yet another unexpected display of affection from Sen. Kerry.
LOL! Edwards needs to find an attorney to deal with unwanted contact in the workplace! Oh the irony!
But, but, but... the Democrats are the party against sexual harassment!?!?!? Of course... as long as it isn't by a white hetero in amorous pursuit of marriage. Gang-bangers, S&M, GLBT (hold the mayo), or boinking an intern are all okee-dokee.
Anything goes as long as it's for the revolution. TV says it's "normal" and proves it by feeding us so much of it, that it starts to look that way. It's amazing how many "moderates" can't see to what degree they are being conditioned to accept ever more, much less what's at stake. Meanwhile, the kids blow up from the stress or sink into depression, while their parents just don't get it. Antonio Gramsci laughs from the grave while America commits slow suicide.
So we run to our enclaves pretending they will protect us, while the revulsion revolution follows us through the cable in the wall. As the kids grow ever more depraved, we pray they will "out-grow it." Since when does somebody "out-grow" teen pregnancy, promiscuity, drug abuse or AIDS? Much of this damage is irreversible no matter how hard the child turns straight.
Between the schools wrecking our kids and a steady influx of dependent immigrants with aggressive claims on property and power as reinforced by affirmative action, conservatives will lose the long demographic war unless we fight back a lot harder than we have historically. Hopefully, we are waking up to the fact that we are in a multi-front war with more at stake than just our lives.
Good laugh!
LOL! That's hilarious!
LOL !! That is hillarious, Grampa !In a sign that Mr. Kerry’s unwanted embraces may be taking their toll on the newly-minted vice-presidential candidate, Mr. Edwards departed from his prepared remarks, telling hs audience, “There are two Americas – one that gets to grab ass, and one that gets its ass grabbed.”
Pic by PhilDragoo .....
