Posted on 06/13/2004 10:24:43 PM PDT by goldstategop
Vox Day
Is marriage worth it?
A reader, who happens to be a single man of marriageable age, wrote in to ask me a simple question: "Does anyone out there feel that marriage is worth it?"
After some reflection, I decided to answer him thusly: A marriage to the right person is worth it. A marriage to the wrong person is not. How does one decide who the right person is? Aye, there's the rub ...
This is not to say that one cannot determine who the right person is, only that it requires a certain amount of analytical detachment about the relationship that is difficult for most people. Some of the more important factors for a man to consider, in my opinion, are as follows:
1. Is she a woman of genuine faith? A woman who seriously believes that marriage is a sacrament – be she Christian, Jew or Muslim – will have a very different view of the institution and the commitment she is making than will a secular or casually religious woman. As for irreligious men, I see no purpose in marrying whatsoever – why put oneself at serious risk for a sacrament in which one does not believe? If you're marrying her simply because she demands it, don't be surprised when you're forced to accede to other, even less palatable demands, like a divorce.
2. Does she accept the notion of personal responsibility? A woman who is constantly blaming others for her problems in life will soon begin to see her husband as the source of all her problems. These women always blame whoever they are around the most instead of themselves – if she's constantly complaining about her coworkers or her family, don't even continue to date her. If you do, soon enough you'll discover that she has a new target at which to aim her barbs.
3. Are you comfortable with her? Passion is no substitute for genuine compatibility. Hot sex is delightful, but there is the other 99 percent of the time to consider, too. If you and your potential wife are not capable of several hours in the same room together without talking or otherwise interacting directly, you may not be comfortable enough with one another.
4. Can she entertain herself? Men need their downtime. This becomes problematic if she sees your free time as a violation of her time with you.
5. Does she genuinely put the interests of others first? I love a beautiful, self-centered drama queen as much or more than the next guy, but I would never want to marry one. They're fun to watch ... from a distance. Keep your distance.
6. Do your friends and family think she's good for you? Those around you are not likely to be blinded by the rose-tinted lenses of infatuation and will often have a better read on her true personality than you do. If you find yourself defending her by saying things like "Oh, but you just don't know her," then you are flirting with long-term trouble.
7. Does she attempt to control you? This tendency will only get worse with marriage, so any sign of this in a dating relationship is a red flag. Women have a strong maternal instinct and have a hard time grasping that most men loathe being mothered – can she back off when you tell her to?
8. Does she treat you with respect, in public and in private? If she does, this is an excellent sign. If she's always putting you down, just "giving you a hard time" and "keeping you in your place," better find someone else. Marriage is not a buddy-cop movie.
9. Are you in agreement on the larger issues? If she wants kids and you don't, forget it. If she wants to keep up with the Joneses and you want to save for the future, there is a seed of much future conflict already embedded in the relationship.
10. Finally, do you know her? Really, truly know her? Do you know what she hopes her future will hold, even if she can't articulate it?
Marriage and family are definitely good things. But they are important and life-altering, and are not to be entered into lightly. If you are so fortunate as to find the right woman, don't let shallow concerns get in the way, pursue her and see it through. If neither you nor those close to you harbor any serious doubts about her, then marriage is likely the right decision.
Why get married? Just find someone you hate and give them a house.
Though this one is bogus,
1. Is she a woman of genuine faith? A woman who seriously believes that marriage is a sacrament – be she Christian, Jew or Muslim – will have a very different view of the institution and the commitment she is making than will a secular or casually religious woman. As for irreligious men, I see no purpose in marrying whatsoever – why put oneself at serious risk for a sacrament in which one does not believe? If you're marrying her simply because she demands it, don't be surprised when you're forced to accede to other, even less palatable demands, like a divorce.
You don't have to be religious to take marriage seriously and there is no evidence that Non-religious people are any more prone to divorce than religious people.
Actually Baptist (12%), Pentecostals(14%), Episcopalian/Anglican (12%) and Seventh Day Adventist (11%) all have higher divorce rates than people who have No religion(9%). The only Christians that have a lower divorce rate than people with No Religion are Born Agains(7%), Lutherans (7%)and Jehovah's Witnesses (6%)
Link Here (Large PDF warning!)on page 28
Maybe so, but there is a HUGE roll of the dice between achieving one and reality.
Good set of criteria for prospective mates. Personally, after what I've been through, a bolt of lightning has a better shot at me. Usually, though, marriage is well worth it.
Good thing I knew this in the back of my head. I think I would be living a tragic marriage right now.
>>>2. Does she accept the notion of personal responsibility? A woman who is constantly blaming others for her problems in life will soon begin to see her husband as the source of all her problems. These women always blame whoever they are around the most instead of themselves – if she's constantly complaining about her coworkers or her family, don't even continue to date her. If you do, soon enough you'll discover that she has a new target at which to aim her barbs.
Issac Asimov was once asked about going into a career in writing.
He replied: "Going into a career in writing is like getting married, anyone who can be talked out of it should be!"
"Single men have the same total family income [per family member], regardless of whether they are single, cohabiting or married," she wrote, adding that "marriage and cohabitation confer sizable -- and identical -- financial benefits on women while men break even upon entering either type of union."
'Nuff said!
If you actually control for people who go to church every week--and especially more than once a week--there is huge difference.
"Is marriage worth it? After what we witnessed happen to Rush and Marta Limbaugh this weekend, a lot of single men wonder whether they will find a love that lasts a lifetime..." ~ goldstategop
Check it out:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/1152065/posts?page=963#963
I knew my wife for over 5 years before we med. She meets each of your 10 tests (and I hope I do to). We have been married for almost 20 years now. The red hot passion of our youth has cooled, but I love her now more than I ever have before. I would give up both of my arms before I would give her up. I am blessed.
When Valentine's day comes around, make sure you've got a box of chocolates. Not too much to ask.
Oh, and when you've got a minute, check the oil level and tire pressures on her car. It's a lot easier than doing dishes and could save you a bunch of trouble if they're out of line.
Bottom line: women do a lot around the house and we guys can do a lot elsewhere (while having a beer or two). Not sure I'd trade my knowledge of starters and alternators with their knowledge of infants and diapers to be honest. But I am jealous when they go to their 'tool chest' and the baby suckles and coos away. Man, I've got to get another tool chest.
I have been married for over 37 years now and I can honestly say it was the best moves I ever made. The first time I saw my wife she was 12 and I was 17. She was this quiet little person sitting on her couch reading a book. I took one look at her and I KNEW we would be married. Six years later, we were married. She is my whole life. I KNOW how President Reagan felt about Nancy. When you love someone that deeply your love is unconditional. I am blessed to have my wife by my side.
Would have been useful reading before I wed the soon-to-be-ex-mrs.-malakhi.
Rush and Marta???? you must surely mean Rush and the pain pills he was addicted to....It is not at all unusual that when one spouse enters rehab and decides to live a different kind of life that the other spouse leaves or that mutually it is decided that the marriage ain't what either one of them thought it was....This is NOT the way to decide if marriage is worth it. Look to yourownself and your own life. That is where the answers are....not in RUsh's
Or maybe he is leaving her....and since when is Rush on the way down? No one knows what goes on behind closed doors except the two people involved....not a one of us can say anything about his divorce because we don't know
Hell yes.
Think about Ronald and Nancy Reagan.
It isn't a roll of the dice...Marriage..the selecting of a mate and the living for each other part is hard work. If marriage is approached from more than just the heart one will be successful. Interestingly enough Dr Laura's new book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands has much to say about how and why a amarriage is successful
bump for later
It's hard to see how anyone like Limbaugh could find happiness in marriage. He's a great conservative commentator, but he's egocentric, materialistic, and probably doesn't sit still for a minute. I'm sure he's constantly in the company of interesting, high-profile people with whom a typical wife could never compete for his attention, and with whom she would forever be comparing herself, and never, in her own mind, measuring up.
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