WE'RE NOT WORTHY!!! WE'RE NOT WORTHY!!!
Posted on 06/10/2004 1:02:44 PM PDT by Temple Owl
Second Thoughts
By: William W. Lawrence
06/08/2004
The champagne corks were not popping at 400 N. Broad St., but there were some smiles. Circulation rose a paltry 800 to 387,692, which was an improvement over past years when the left-wing, liberal publication appeared to be in free-fall.
In 1999, the Inquirer was losing readers faster than any newspaper of comparable size in the country. An Audit Bureau of Circulation (ABC), the largest independent verifier of newspapers' circulation figures, showed that the Inquirer's daily circulation had dipped to just under 402,000 -- a 7.2 percent decrease from the same six-month period the previous year.
Maybe they ought to drink champagne, maybe something even stronger.
***
Liberals reportedly have dumped millions of dollars into something called Air America. This is supposed to be a left-wing radio network designed to steal away listeners from Rush Limbaugh and other conservative broadcasters. Well, trust me when I tell you the air has been let out of that trial balloon. Air America has replaced five top executives, lost crucial producers and has been taken off the air in two of its top three markets.
Here are some inside tips for the new producers:
-- Start praising America.
-- Criticize abortionists.
-- Blast sexual perverts who hold high political positions.
-- Talk up school vouchers.
-- Offer a morning prayer. Oh, what the heck, one in the afternoon and evening too.
-- Bug your boy Teddy Kennedy to come up with a flat tax.
-- Read the Wall Street Journal editorial page every day.
-- Talk up Zell Miller as a Democratic presidential candidate.
-- Every once in a while, mention that Saddam Hussein is an evil man who should get the death penalty.
That's a good start. I'll give you more as you get into it.
***
The Star Democrat of Easton, Md., reports that a fifth-grader at Maryland's Grasonville Elementary School did a class project on the topic, "What would you take on a camping trip and why?" It consisted of a shoebox containing various tools, including a steak knife. School officials declared the utensil a "weapon" and suspended the unnamed 11-year-old felon for 10 days.
We desperately need school vouchers.
***
There's an e-mail going around that asks people to help rescue a Nigerian military official who took a secret flight to the Russian space station, only to end up stranded.
If you send $3,000 to help get him back to Earth, the message says, you can share in the $15 million in "flight pay and interest" he gets.
The New York State Consumer Protection Board thinks it has identified it as an obvious hoax and have named it the most outrageous example of advance-fee e-mails, which are also known as the Nigerian, or 419, scam. The messages often claim to be from a representative of a former government or royal official from Africa, and say that for a few thousands dollars, millions will be put into your bank account.
Of course, you have to send the scammers your account numbers and other information first.
Most of our readers are probably familiar with the scams in which a corrupt government official or attractive young woman is willing to share ill-gotten money with a nice American if he would simply provide access to his bank account.
A resident of the World Wide Web named "lowbridge" has found a way to turn these scammers into entertainment.
He leads them on and on and on and puts the correspondence on his website. What he did to a resident of the Ivory Coast named Gloria Gium can be found at http:// www.megaone.com/lowbridge/baitinggloria.html and what he is doing to Rita Kone can be found at http://www. megaone.com/lowbridge/baitingritakone.html
Poor Gloria wound up sending him a picture of herself wearing a pair of underpants on her head and holding a sign saying "Freepersrule" and "IMADUER"-- which refer to the conservative website Free Republic and the leftist website Democratic Underground, respectively.
What the hint of money will make some people do!
(Excerpt) Read more at countypressonline.com ...
Click on the link in #26 -- and keep all beverages away from the keyboard! You can thank me later! :)
I'll send $3,000.00 if he will get Bubba to take his place on the Space Station!
Haven't seen you around in a while Hang.....where you been at?
I had forgotten the term "belly laugh" until I read this post. Thanks, it was fun.
Congrats, lowie!! You're famous! :)
LOL....that 15 minute thing has come to call.
Excellent. Thanks for the ping.
WE'RE NOT WORTHY!!! WE'RE NOT WORTHY!!!
LOL, your brilliance is beginning to shine beyond the borders of FR. I'm still LMAO over the Gloria episode.
.
You should be immortalized here...
http://www.bovil.com/gallery/HOF?page=1
Owl_Eagle
”Guns Before Butter.”
Good heavens. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. My co-workers all think I'm crazy now.
Owl, I'll have to get back to you later - this work thing is cutting into my Freeping time! Gotta do something about that...
You, sir, are my new hero.
Owl_Eagle
”Guns Before Butter.”
Goodness. . . .FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, and I'm not going to. :-)
That can happen. :-)
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