I wish I had waited

L.A. youth ^ | jan. 2004 | anonymous

[freepatriot32]

I am a 15-year-old girl who’s had sex since the age of 13. There are two main reasons I got into having sex at such an early age. One, I didn’t know much about sex so I wanted to see what it was like. I saw it everywhere from Victoria’s Secret shops to television shows.

Two, I was influenced into having sex because "everybody" in high school was doing it. I was in eighth grade and I hung around people who were older than me. The guys were not virgins. They would say things like, "It is not a big deal." So I thought that if I was not a virgin it would not matter that much because it had lost its specialness.

My parents and teachers were too embarrassed to sit me in a chair and talk to me about sex. My parents thought that I would not become sexually active because my brothers and sisters had not become involved with sex. In my middle school I did not have any sex education classes. At that time I was wondering stuff like, how does it feel to have sex? Do I get pregnant the first time? What is a condom? I once saw a condom on glasses worn by Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes and I wondered what it was.

The first time I had sex, I had to depend on what the guy knew. I was 13 and the guy was my sex education class. He was 16 years old and not my boyfriend. It was his idea to have sex and I was really adventurous at the time. I wanted to know more and it just happened. It was his idea to use a condom because I didn’t know much about birth control. After I had sex, I realized it was too late to take back the biggest mistake of my life. I went home and kept telling myself, "I’m not a virgin, I’m not a virgin." I felt really bad about it because growing up I was taught that you shouldn’t lose your virginity until you’re married.

Months later, when my parents found out that I was having sex, they lost their trust in me and sent me to a group home. But sex is addictive. I became addicted to the feeling of being loved because I wasn’t getting enough love from my family. I began to have sex with people that I really did not want to have sex with. Once I started having sex it was not easy to stop.

I personally believe that middle school is one of the most important places to be given sex education because when you get into high school you will see things about sex everywhere. Nowadays people do not wait to be seniors at the prom to have sex. They just have sex when they think they are ready, whether or not they are.

I wanted to save my virginity for someone special, not just some guy. I think that if I had known more about sex and taken sex-ed classes in middle school, I would have realized that sex is not a game. After the sex-ed classes I took in ninth grade, I learned that there is much more to sex than the "fun" of it. There are sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy, and with those risks comes a lot of responsibility.

In the future, I want to wait to have sex until I meet someone who appreciates me. Sex can bring negative things when you are not ready for it.

[hellinahandcart]

Anybody who is a regular freeper without an "about" page is of absolutely zero consequence when it comes to their opinion.

How AOLish.

[Eva]

I don't believe this, if the girl didn't have sex ed in middle school, it's because they had sex in grade school.

[Jorge]

In my neighborhood there were girls and boys experimenting and playing around by the time they were 7 years old.
Of course nobody had to worry about getting pregnant, but I thought all kids did this.

[FITZ]

Read down some more to the fourth paragraph: "I felt really bad about it because growing up I was taught that you shouldn’t lose your virginity until you’re married." A little inconsistency in this story???

[FITZ]

More inconsistencies that make this look very very contrived --- not written by a girl regretting having sex with every other guy. First she claims she had sex just for being adventurous, then it changes to having sex because she wasn't getting love from her family, later she claims she wanted to save her virginity for someone special. Funny too she never once suggests that PARENTS teach more about sex education, never says parents should be open with their kids or any of that. The whole point of the entire letter is that sex education needs to be done in middle school. Wouldn't a real child possibly think that their parents could have told them more?

"It was his idea to have sex and I was really adventurous at the time. I wanted to know more and it just happened.....
I became addicted to the feeling of being loved because I wasn’t getting enough love from my family......I personally believe that middle school is one of the most important places to be given sex education because when you get into high school you will see things about sex everywhere.......
I wanted to save my virginity for someone special, not just some guy. I think that if I had known more about sex and taken sex-ed classes in middle school, I would have realized that sex is not a game.....In the future, I want to wait to have sex until I meet someone who appreciates me."

[schmelvin]

When I read the article, my first thought was "no way did a 15 year old write this". (I'm no expert on writing, and found your critique of the author's inconsistencies very interesting and informative, BTW). Here's why the article didn't ring true to me:

I find it hard to believe that any 15 year old lamenting the loss of her virginity would even think to mention the lack of Sex-Ed at her school let alone keep shoving the issue down the readers' throats. IMHO, if this article had truly been written by a 15 year old, she would've talked much more about how the experience affected her emotionally. Most of the emphasis would've been on how she felt dirty or used or disappointed in herself or something to that effect.

Most people who write an "I wish I'd never..." article usually include some sort of advice or warning to others who may be contemplating making the same mistake. If the author is for real and truly regrets her mistake, where is her plea that others not do the same?

Here's the gist of the article: The writer was taught abstinence by her parents. Cultural pressures made abstinence "impossible" for her. She knew absolutely nothing about sex, birth control, or STDs. She had sex, was sent away by her parents to a group home, became addicted to sex because she felt unloved, wishes she'd never had sex, and her biggest lamentation is the lack of Sex-Ed classes in middle school.

What a load of cr@p!

This article sounds like something straight from a Planned Parenthood brochure: Backwards, uptight parents refusing to talk about sex and unrealistically expecting abstinence. Ignorance about sex being a major contributing factor to promiscuity. No mention made of having any moral regrets. Sex-Ed classes being the light at the end of the tunnel. Blah, blah, blah...

That's why I don't believe it was written by a 15 year old. It was written by a shill for Planned Parenthood. Because that's what the article is. It's a piece on the virtues of Sex-Ed, not on the loss of a young girl's virtues.

[DayTripper]

But sex is addictive
No its not.

N-o-b-o-d-y stops once they start.

[cyborg]

Speak for yourself :-)

[Fledermaus]

No 15 year old is "intelligent"...smart maybe, but not enough life experience to be intelligent.

[MarkL]

When she does decide to have sex, it's with an older guy in her SEX ED CLASS!

Actually, what she said makes sense if you read it again. She didn't say that the 16 year old was IN her sex ed class... She said that he WAS her sex ed class. You misread it.

Mark

[Lancey Howard]

"The first time I had sex I was scared to death. I was all alone!"
- Rodney Dangerfield

[nickcarraway]

bump

[nickcarraway]

Practically every teen-age girl I know who has gotten herself into "trouble" that way, has had a father who couldn't be bothered to take an interest, or who simply bailed.

I've noticed that creepy,predatory guys instinctively know this and seek out such girls and use it to their advantage.

[tiamat]

nickcarraway wrote:

.

I've noticed that creepy,predatory guys instinctively know this and seek out such girls and use it to their advantage.

---

Yep!

It's like they have radar or something for that!

[cyborg]

That's very true. A father who doesn't care won't be greeting possible boyfriends at the door with a shotgun. Maybe they'll hand them condoms and tell them go have boys will be boys fun.

[nickcarraway]

You are right. I remember there was a lot of comment about an article from Glamour women's magazine sometime in the 90's. The article was about how this girl's ``openminded;; Father helped his daughter have sex for the first time with her boyfriend. He even drove her to a hotel or motel and helped her get a room etc. If I recall, she seemed reluctant, but he encouraged her. It may be posted here somewhere, but it was definitely creepy.

[tiamat]

Good morning, cyborg!

You're up early!

We've told our daughter that when she is old enough to date, she has to invite the guy to our house for dinner ( I make a very FINE roast chicken)

The trick is, not only will Daddy be there, so will her godfather. Daddy owns several shot guns and godfather was Special Forces. Their job will be to take him out to the front porch after supper, ( or maybe out back for a little target practice) and explain JUST HOW BAD life can be if our baby were to get hurt or disrepected!

[nickcarraway]

It's like they have radar or something for that!

Sadly true.

[mitch5501]

"Once I started having sex it was not easy to stop."

Obviously not married.

[af_vet_1981]

No 15 year old is "intelligent"...smart maybe, but not enough life experience to be intelligent.

I know people who at fifteen years of age were very intelligent. It flowed from their families who are fountains of blessing to their communities. I suppose we just don't have the same life experience.