The Passion of the Christ: Blooper Reel

The Morning News ^ | March 2, 2004 | Paul Ford

[CJ Wolf]

(Translated from Aramaic and Latin)

Pontius Pilate (Hristo Shopov) stands with the scourged and thorn-crowned Jesus (James Caviezel) before a throng of Jews, all of whom shout for Christ's crucifixion. Pilate has a bowl of water brought to him so he can wash his hands' of Christ's condemnation.

Assorted Jews: Crucify him!

Pontius Pilate: I am innocent of the blood of this just; [knocks over bowl of water, which spills down steps] oh, [bleep].

Jesus Christ: [smiling] Good one, Hristo.

Pilate: Nice crown, Jim.

Assorted Jews: [laughter]

Off Camera: Cut!


* * *

Christ, shackled to a stone, is being scourged by Roman soldiers. Blood runs down his gory back. His pain is palpable.

Jesus: [writhes in pain, hands shaking]

[Cell phone rings.]

Jesus: [hands shake furiously]

[Cell phone rings. Caviezel looks up, sheepish.]

Roman soldier: Jim? That you?

Jesus: Yeah.

[Cell phone rings.]

Soldier: Want me to get it?

Jesus: Yeah.

[Roman soldier gingerly reaches into Caviezel's blood-soaked loincloth, pulls out phone and opens it, then holds the phone to Caviezel's ear.]

Off Camera: [laughter]

Jesus: Hey, Mom.


* * *

The Last Supper. Jesus is in the upper room with his disciples. Judas (Luca Lionello) is seated nearby.

Jesus: If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world ah, Christ.

Judas: Hateth you.

Jesus: Who's on first, right?

Judas: [laughs]

Jesus: [rolls eyes at camera] John could write gospel, but, you know, could he write dialogue?

Off Camera: [laughter] Cut!


* * *

Jesus carries a heavy wooden cross through Jerusalem, assisted by Simon (Jarreth Merz).

Jesus: Wait a second. [puts down cross]

Off Camera: What is it?

Jesus: [wipes right eye] There's something in my eye.

Simon: Oh my God, it's a mote.

Off Camera: [laughter]


* * *

Jesus hangs on the cross, bloodied, in agony.

Take 3

Jesus: My God, my God, why hast thou; [laughing]

Off Camera: [laughter] Forsaken!


Take 4

Jesus: Thanks! Okay. My God, my God, why hast thou[starts giggling]

Off Camera: [laughter]


Take 10

Jesus: I got it. I got it. Hold on. My God, my God, why hast thou argh! [takes breath] Forsaken. Forsaken. Forsaken. Forsaken. Forsaken. Sabachthani, sabachthani, sabachthani. Okay.


Take 12

Jesus: Hey! I can see my house from here.


Take 14

Jesus: My God! Why have you...

[Caviezel is struck by lightning.]

Off Camera: Cut!


Take 35

Off Camera: Come on, Jim.

Jesus: [in terrible anguish] My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?

Off Camera: [Applause]

Off Camera: We got it!




Paul Ford lives in Brooklyn. He writes Ftrain.

[Doctor Stochastic]

Would you think a similar treatment of "Schindlers List" funny?

Post it. I'll let you know.

[New Horizon]

Jesus: If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world ah, Christ.

Judas: Hateth you.

Jesus: Who's on first, right?

Judas: [laughs]

Jesus: [rolls eyes at camera] John could write gospel, but, you know, could he write dialogue?

Funny that this so-called blooper translates so perfectly from Aramaic into English.

[Eaker]

LOL!!!!!

[k2blader]

Thanks for clearing it up for us!

Figured it had to be made up.

[Dixie Pirate]

I saw the movie last night and thought it was great. There was no more violence than in anything else I've seen from Hollywood, either.

The bloopers were hilarious!!!

"Hey, I can see my house from here!"

[biblewonk]

Response to this post shows just how overboard people are taking this movie.

[eyespysomething]

Shucks. That makes it seem not so funny, if for any reason then because its not real.

[thackney]

thanks
-todd

[Eaker]

Yeah, but I bet that there were really some good bloopers.

[killjoy]

Not funny.

Wrong. Very funny. Lighten up some. It's good for you.

[Psalm 73]

"Wrong. Very funny. Lighten up some."

Don't be such a child.
I like the Three Stooges, my wife doesn't like them.
But that doesn't bother me the way my not liking this guys schtick bothers you people.
We're not Democrats you know - we don't have to march in lockstep.
Grow up.

[Eaker]

Here is Paul's second response:

-----Original Message-----
From: Paul Ford [mailto:ford@ftrain.com]
Sent: Wednesday, March 03, 2004 1:16 PM
To: Tom Eaker
Subject: Re: The Passion "Blooper Reel" Question

Tom,

Wow, that's some response. I'm not surprised--my point in writing the piece was to highlight the difference between film and faith, and to hopefully make a few people laugh. This is why I used the names of the characters mixed with the names of the actors.

Careful readers will see that I'm pointedly NOT mocking Christ--by emphasizing the humanity of the actors as they interpret sacred material, I'm making fun of the unquestioning, uninformed, pietistic devotion many have shown this film--many, indeed, before they saw it. Anyone who sits down and re-reads the gospels, as I did after seeing The Passion of the Christ, will be reminded that they saw a movie BASED ON scripture, not the cinematic equivalent OF scripture.

Mixing humor and faith has always raised hackles. I've found that anything less than pure reverence with regards to Christian subjects will upset many (I was raised protestant and evangelical protestant, so I have some experience here). That said, I'm heartened that so many people got the joke and did not see it as an attack on Christianity. It wasn't intended to be one.

Thanks for clueing me in to this discussion!

Paul Ford
http://ftrain.com

[Ichneumon]

These are NOT outtakes, they are just a lame attempt at comedy. Would you think a similar treatment of "Schindlers List" funny?

Yes. The more serious a movie scene, the funnier it is when something goofs up.

And we are talking about *movies* here, no matter how somber their subject matter.

Also:

"Life does not cease to be funny when someone dies, anymore than is ceases to be serious when someone laughs."
-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Anglo-Irish socialist playwright, critic, wit and man of letters; Nobel Prize recipient (Literature, 1925)

[Theo]

INTERVIEWED A DOLPHIN ...

I wrote columns for the student newspaper when I was in undergrad. I mostly wrote serious pieces on abortion, "conservatism," and so on. In one column, I had a fictional narrative between a boy and his older sister. Just because I used a fictional technique for one of my columns, does not mean that everything I wrote was fictional, or that it could be discounted because the characters were fictitious.

This author is not disqualified simply because the author "interviewed a dolphin."

[Theo]

Mocking/ridiculing rape and murder is wrong. Mocking/ridiculing the crucifixion of Christ is wrong. Mocking/ridiculing Scripture is wrong.

But this is about "outtakes" -- screwups that actors and film crew make. Their laughter is the best response to such humiliation. It shows that they humbly recognize their fallibility.

Would you rather thay grow angry and prideful when they make mistakes?

[AmishDude]

That is part of his schtick! I am amazed at the number of gullible people on this thread. It's a fake. I can't convince you but if you want to bet, I'll do it. Any amount of money.

Just because it's not funny doesn't mean it's not a comedy bit.

[Ichneumon]

My opinion? - No, I don't think it was like the set of "CaddyShack".

Probably not *that* bad, but don't be so sure it didn't have its lighthearted moments to keep people's spirits up in the midst of such difficult scenes. Also remember that Gibson is famous for being a major practical joker and "funny guy" on movie sets. I'm sure he toned it down while directing this film, but I doubt he turned entirely into Mr. Humorless, either.

[hellinahandcart]

Hell, here I come. Someone did make it up, and I'm still laughing.

I guess I'm finding it hilarious because it reminds me of every play I ever worked on in high school and college. We not only all made hideous gaffes without meaning to, but we'd go to all kinds of trouble to prank on the other cast members, in the hope they'd fall out of character and crack up on stage.

[Eaker]

See posts 27, 134 and 151.

No offense, but do read all of the posts???

[AmishDude]

#139. I expect signed apologies. Preferably on a check.