Posted on 01/06/2004 12:06:06 AM PST by JohnHuang2
'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'
Posted: January 6, 2004
1:00 a.m. Eastern
© 2004 WorldNetDaily.com
Why did you write this book aiming at the women – aren't both responsible for the quality of the marriage?
Of course! However, women are in the unique position of having an extraordinary amount of influence over their husbands, which when exercised thoughtfully, compassionately, lovingly and intelligently results in a happier husband who will "swim through shark infested waters to bring her a lemonade."
Women seem not to understand, or underestimate, the profound power they have over their husbands. Men are very emotionally dependent upon women from the day they are born to the day they expire. This book teaches women to use this power benevolently – which will definitely result in them being happier with life and love.
What are the most common complaints men have about their wives?
- Their women don't seem to have much regard for their feelings and needs
- Their women constantly criticize and dismiss them
- Their women don't seem to want to go out of their way to please them
- Their women nag, demand, and complain – and seem to behave as though they were entitled to do so
- Their women don't make them feel truly needed and valued as men
What are husbands' most important needs?
- He wants to feel like a "man" to his woman; he wants to feel he is providing and protecting
- He wants to feel she needs and admires him
- He wants to know she desires him
- Basically, "The Three A's": appreciation, approval and affection
What is the No. 1 worst mistake women make with respect to being happy in their marriages?
They marinate in negatives. It is typical of women to fester and ferment over disappointments, slights, annoyances, angers, etc. Women, more typically than men, will go over it ad infinitum in the own heads, with their mothers, sisters, friends, co-workers, neighbors, social groups (remember Jerry McGuire?) – in doing so they reinforce the negative and create a bad attitude – one which turns into entitlement for not being particularly nice.
Attitude is about believing that your mate has your best interests at heart – it is about not letting loving feelings be squelched by everyday annoyances and disappointments; it is about benefit of the doubt; it is about cherishing the moments and living for the well-being of the other and being sustained by the joy of giving and the blessing of receiving in return.
All through the book you say "men are simple" ... isn't that an insult?
Not at all! In fact, most all of the many hundreds of responses I received from men in preparing this book confirmed just that: "Men are only interested in two things: If I'm not horny, make me a sandwich," and "As a man, I can tell you our needs are simple. We want to be fed, we want our kids mothered, and we want lovin'."
What about sex? Are wives obligated to give their husbands sex on demand?
As a woman who happens to believe that orgasms are a fabulous gift and blessing from God, I am amazed at how many women callers are willing to give them up to the gods of "I'm tired," or "I'm annoyed." Now, anyone cannot be in the mood from time to time – that's natural. However, the denigration of male sexual needs (They are just animals) and the use of sex to punish or control (You didn't do what I wanted) and inappropriate prioritizing (My work and children take all my energy) are self-centered and self-defeating.
I ask my women callers who complain that their husbands are not happy with virtually no sexual intimacy (and, by the way, that's what the men truly feel about sex with their wives – it's the ultimate in "acceptance and approval" for them) if they would be satisfied with that profound a rejection and dismissal. They always say, "No, I guess not." Frankly, too many women treat their husbands as accessories instead of priorities.
Are there any marital situations for which your book does not apply?
Yes, most definitely. Where the behavior of the husbands is blatantly destructive, dangerous or evil, this book does not apply.
However, these ideas and techniques have salvaged and revitalized innumerable strained, stagnant, boring, disappointing, annoying, frustrating and even seemingly dead marriages. When I nag a woman caller to try just one simple behavior for one day, I inevitably get the call back that they are amazed at the difference a day made.
Are you going to write the book for men on the proper care and feeding of wives?
Nope. Men are born of women and between girlfriends and then a wife; men spend their entire lives in the tutelage of women. What women accept or reject is largely the guiding force for what men will and won't do. When they are treated with the Three A's, they naturally, and in gratitude and affection, give their women the attention, regard, respect, support and love they want.
The ideas and techniques in this book are simple and sweet. What a blessing for women to know that they largely control their own happiness! My job is to get their prejudices and bad attitudes out of their own way. Transforming your guy into a loving man is its own reward.
You know, there are people out there who are like this, and they are indeed very frustrating to deal with.......but at least for them, there is a "perfection" out there that the other person can achieve if he wants to hang in there and try long enough. The people who are really impossible to deal with are the ones who ask for "perfection" but then carefully set up little road blocks to make sure that the other person's efforts to achieve it will be in vain. People like this often keep little smiley faces on all the time, hoping that will distract others from recognizing their hostile little games.
Well she was happy with the cheap roses until she became tired of them and they had no meaning, so she mentioned more expensive flowers and when they arrived they were tainted becasue she had to make the suggestion. I figure she would tire of the more expensive flowers as she did the cheaper ones.
All of the flowers cheap or expensive came with the same experssion of love. In other words she is person that keeps score in a game with no rules and no end, she will never be satisfied for very long and will tire of the present and feels there must be something better. A grass is always greener sort of person.
If they are fairly attractive single middle-aged (45-50)Christians (nonCharismatic, nor hyperCalvinist) who like to dance, they can contact me via Freepmail. :-)
If you are like my ex, there comes a point in time when a man who used to do lots of things to please his wife, but gets nothing in return, will eventually stop trying to please his wife because the results are the same. It doesn't hurt as much to be rejected when you simply stop trying to please your unappreciative spouse.
Not claiming I know your entire situation, but you just might want to consider your possible role in your husbands decision to have an affair. Withholding sex and affection is just as sinful as going outside a marriage for sex. They are both broken covenants.
You should either read Dr. Laura's book or do your husband a favor and divorce him. I wasn't going to divorce my ex because I made a vow before God. She divorced me and I have been greatly encouraged by the number of middle-aged single Christian women that look forward to having a very active and uninhibited sex life with a future husband.
How about trying to do what Dr. Laura suggests; act like you love him and 'F' his brains out. Guys don't care about your motivation, and you might find you enjoy it as well. Unless he is an abuser or alcoholic, a woman like that would have no competition for her man.
I don't know how much of this you read, but for the last four or five years I've never said no to him. I was cold and distant in the beginning years of our marriage. His affair took place after I changed (to the good) and therefore I am struggling with the fact that he did this when I was doing all I could to be the good wife.
It has been a year since I found out, and I am still here. I am trying to accept his reasoning that he did it because of who I used to be. I am also struggling with the way he did it, because he did some really beyond sorry things. He says he has changed now too, but his manner does not show this. Only time will tell.
As you must well know, you can't control other people and sometimes nothing you can do will change things.
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