If you are like my ex, there comes a point in time when a man who used to do lots of things to please his wife, but gets nothing in return, will eventually stop trying to please his wife because the results are the same. It doesn't hurt as much to be rejected when you simply stop trying to please your unappreciative spouse.
Not claiming I know your entire situation, but you just might want to consider your possible role in your husbands decision to have an affair. Withholding sex and affection is just as sinful as going outside a marriage for sex. They are both broken covenants.
You should either read Dr. Laura's book or do your husband a favor and divorce him. I wasn't going to divorce my ex because I made a vow before God. She divorced me and I have been greatly encouraged by the number of middle-aged single Christian women that look forward to having a very active and uninhibited sex life with a future husband.
How about trying to do what Dr. Laura suggests; act like you love him and 'F' his brains out. Guys don't care about your motivation, and you might find you enjoy it as well. Unless he is an abuser or alcoholic, a woman like that would have no competition for her man.
I don't know how much of this you read, but for the last four or five years I've never said no to him. I was cold and distant in the beginning years of our marriage. His affair took place after I changed (to the good) and therefore I am struggling with the fact that he did this when I was doing all I could to be the good wife.
It has been a year since I found out, and I am still here. I am trying to accept his reasoning that he did it because of who I used to be. I am also struggling with the way he did it, because he did some really beyond sorry things. He says he has changed now too, but his manner does not show this. Only time will tell.