Dr. Laura Schlessinger: 'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'

WorldNetDaily.com ^ | Tuesday, January 6, 2004 | Dr. Laura Schlessinger

[JohnHuang2]

'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'

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Posted: January 6, 2004
1:00 a.m. Eastern

© 2004 WorldNetDaily.com

Why did you write this book aiming at the women – aren't both responsible for the quality of the marriage?

Of course! However, women are in the unique position of having an extraordinary amount of influence over their husbands, which when exercised thoughtfully, compassionately, lovingly and intelligently results in a happier husband who will "swim through shark infested waters to bring her a lemonade."

Women seem not to understand, or underestimate, the profound power they have over their husbands. Men are very emotionally dependent upon women from the day they are born to the day they expire. This book teaches women to use this power benevolently – which will definitely result in them being happier with life and love.

What are the most common complaints men have about their wives?

• Their women don't seem to have much regard for their feelings and needs

• Their women constantly criticize and dismiss them

• Their women don't seem to want to go out of their way to please them

• Their women nag, demand, and complain – and seem to behave as though they were entitled to do so

• Their women don't make them feel truly needed and valued as men

What are husbands' most important needs?

• He wants to feel like a "man" to his woman; he wants to feel he is providing and protecting

• He wants to feel she needs and admires him

• He wants to know she desires him

• Basically, "The Three A's": appreciation, approval and affection

What is the No. 1 worst mistake women make with respect to being happy in their marriages?

They marinate in negatives. It is typical of women to fester and ferment over disappointments, slights, annoyances, angers, etc. Women, more typically than men, will go over it ad infinitum in the own heads, with their mothers, sisters, friends, co-workers, neighbors, social groups (remember Jerry McGuire?) – in doing so they reinforce the negative and create a bad attitude – one which turns into entitlement for not being particularly nice.

Attitude is about believing that your mate has your best interests at heart – it is about not letting loving feelings be squelched by everyday annoyances and disappointments; it is about benefit of the doubt; it is about cherishing the moments and living for the well-being of the other and being sustained by the joy of giving and the blessing of receiving in return.

All through the book you say "men are simple" ... isn't that an insult?

Not at all! In fact, most all of the many hundreds of responses I received from men in preparing this book confirmed just that: "Men are only interested in two things: If I'm not horny, make me a sandwich," and "As a man, I can tell you our needs are simple. We want to be fed, we want our kids mothered, and we want lovin'."

What about sex? Are wives obligated to give their husbands sex on demand?

As a woman who happens to believe that orgasms are a fabulous gift and blessing from God, I am amazed at how many women callers are willing to give them up to the gods of "I'm tired," or "I'm annoyed." Now, anyone cannot be in the mood from time to time – that's natural. However, the denigration of male sexual needs (They are just animals) and the use of sex to punish or control (You didn't do what I wanted) and inappropriate prioritizing (My work and children take all my energy) are self-centered and self-defeating.

I ask my women callers who complain that their husbands are not happy with virtually no sexual intimacy (and, by the way, that's what the men truly feel about sex with their wives – it's the ultimate in "acceptance and approval" for them) if they would be satisfied with that profound a rejection and dismissal. They always say, "No, I guess not." Frankly, too many women treat their husbands as accessories instead of priorities.

Are there any marital situations for which your book does not apply?

Yes, most definitely. Where the behavior of the husbands is blatantly destructive, dangerous or evil, this book does not apply.

However, these ideas and techniques have salvaged and revitalized innumerable strained, stagnant, boring, disappointing, annoying, frustrating and even seemingly dead marriages. When I nag a woman caller to try just one simple behavior for one day, I inevitably get the call back that they are amazed at the difference a day made.

Are you going to write the book for men on the proper care and feeding of wives?

Nope. Men are born of women and between girlfriends and then a wife; men spend their entire lives in the tutelage of women. What women accept or reject is largely the guiding force for what men will and won't do. When they are treated with the Three A's, they naturally, and in gratitude and affection, give their women the attention, regard, respect, support and love they want.

The ideas and techniques in this book are simple and sweet. What a blessing for women to know that they largely control their own happiness! My job is to get their prejudices and bad attitudes out of their own way. Transforming your guy into a loving man is its own reward.

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[Marie]

Actually, not only were they worth reading, I'm also planning on calling my mom and reading them to her, too!

[Marie]

I also have to add a thought here on our excerpts. When I realized that my husband was really MINE, that he wanted to be with me and that he really wasn't going anywhere, I began to feel beautiful.

[Quix]

THANKS. That makes it worth typing in.

I couldn't scan it all in because I'd marked up the pages so liberally! LOL.

[Quix]

OF COURSE!

LOVE makes a lot of things beautiful.

[Marie]

It was worth reading, but (as a parent) I can't see how one can AVIOD scarring their children. There are always times when mom is sick, the kid gets lost, one child required more attention than the other (if you have more than one child there will be ONE child that is the squeeky wheel), etc. With a husband in the military, dad is gone a LOT and sometimes mom gets overwhelmed and has to retreat.

[Quix]

20+ YEARS AGO there was a granddaddy of all studies on what makes the difference with kids.

IT STUDIED ALL THE OTHER STUDIES TO THAT POINT.

There was one factor that accounted for 80+% of the variance. Think . . . what would you guess that one factor was.

The specific variables involved in the study were as follows:

They wanted to know what influences on kids by parents and the home situation resulted in success for the kids when they became adults. So, the study studied all the longitudinal studies.

Success as adults was defined as:

1) Holding a stable job.
2) Not being in trouble with the law.
3) Not being on welfare or other public assistance.
4) Having a stable marriage.
There may have been another variable I may have forgotten.

They studied TYPES OF DISCIPLINE:

1) Strict, authoritarian discipline
2) Lazaie Fair sp? discipline--lax, easy going, more or less whatever goes but somewhat responsible attentiveness.
3) I think there was a Democratic discipline-all parties discuss and give input and try to reach a decision.
4) Abusive discipline.
5) unattentive--ignoring the child--whatever the child wanted to do the child did.

Factors like socio economic income were factored out.

Can you guess what the one factor was accounting for 80% of the variance?

It was whether THE CHILD

****FELT**** LOVED.

Evidently, it had to be authentic caring!

Not whether the child was loved but whether the child FELT loved. If the child felt loved, they became successful as adults. It was clear and simple.

And, pretty Biblical, too. Love covers a multitude of sins.

Nothing else mattered near as much.

I would guess that from how you handle your husband, your children are fortunate indeed.

[Straight Vermonter]

Wow, that was almost like a MiaT post. LOL

[cajungirl]

This was a hugely fine thread to read while up with insomnia. It was interesting to hear those who talked from the heart.

The best gift I have from my husband are the laughs. The man just makes me laugh every day. He is just able at the best of times and the worst of times to hit my funny bone. And he lets me wake him up at night. We wake each other up when we have a dream, a worry, a fear, something we remember. For some reason being able to wake each other up and to make each other laugh is very important. He thinks I am funny too.

I enjoyed what you all said,,it was really really nice to read.

[Fledermaus]

Her comments on the sex life of married couples sound simplistic and stereotypical to me.

[sawyer]

She did seem to put us all in the pet class or owner class.I have read most of her books and they are sort of fun as you can really get going thinking about how odd she is, if you have lived pass 25.Sounds good on paper but ever so hard to live it in the real world with real people.

[rintense]

I love the strength in men! I can rely on it when I can't be strong. What woman doesn't want the comfort, strength and protection wrapped in the arms of a man?

[Quix]

I choose to consider that a compliment!

[69ConvertibleFirebird]

Why is the onus always on the woman to create a healthy relationship?

Where did you get that idea?!? Please give me some references (with URLs) that state that it is "always on the woman to create a healthy relationship." I'd really like to see what people believe and are publishing this.

As for Proverbs 25:24, it simply states, more or less, that a man will be in a living hell if his wife enjoys arguing with him rather than getting along. A very true Proverb...

[chris1]

That one really hurt me because I know if I gave the same pendant to my mother, grandmother, sister, cousin, or aunt, they would probably fall over with gratitude and appreciation.

[CajunConservative]

AM CURIOUS . . . for my own feedback . . .

were the long excerpts from the ATTACHMENTS book worth your bothering to read, or not?

Yes they were definitely worth the read. Thanks for going through the trouble.

[kmiller1k]

Too tired to move my fingers correctly on the keyboard last night! b- (bump); g- s/b "f" (for); lsyrt, well that should have read "later". Really, just too tired to make the fingers work. Believe me, I am not hip! Just wishin' I was cool. ;-)

[CajunConservative]

GREAT PRACTICAL WISDOM IN YOUR WONDERFUL POST.

Orange juice and gram crackers can get the electrolites back up, too.

My wife and I finally noticed we were gritchy at each other most when we were hungry.

I have been wondering if part of the problems with all of the women, who are depressed, have mood swings, are b*tchy, etc has something to do with the effects of the low fat/high carb diet. Could a lot of the problems be blood sugar swings?

The reason I question is I used to have terrible mood swings, had female issues, and when having a hypoglycemic episode was not always nice. I made a major dietary change and everything improved drastically, especially moods. If I go too far off my diet the symptoms return with a vengence.

I was a case manager for the mentally ill for several years and the psychiatrist, who was also a GP, put all women on evening primrose oil and other essential fatty acids, vitamin therapy, adequate protein and sugar free diets and most improved without further medications.

[meowmeow]

Show me one book like Dr Laura's (besides the Bible itself) that is written for men.

[69ConvertibleFirebird]

Most excellent job of dodging the question.

Following your approach of discussing the matter I'll respond by saying "The sky is often times blue."

[dubyagee]

UGH! Shiver...shiver...Just UGH!