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It was worth reading, but (as a parent) I can't see how one can AVIOD scarring their children. There are always times when mom is sick, the kid gets lost, one child required more attention than the other (if you have more than one child there will be ONE child that is the squeeky wheel), etc. With a husband in the military, dad is gone a LOT and sometimes mom gets overwhelmed and has to retreat.

20+ YEARS AGO there was a granddaddy of all studies on what makes the difference with kids.

IT STUDIED ALL THE OTHER STUDIES TO THAT POINT.

There was one factor that accounted for 80+% of the variance. Think . . . what would you guess that one factor was.

The specific variables involved in the study were as follows:

They wanted to know what influences on kids by parents and the home situation resulted in success for the kids when they became adults. So, the study studied all the longitudinal studies.

Success as adults was defined as:

1) Holding a stable job.
2) Not being in trouble with the law.
3) Not being on welfare or other public assistance.
4) Having a stable marriage.
There may have been another variable I may have forgotten.

They studied TYPES OF DISCIPLINE:

1) Strict, authoritarian discipline
2) Lazaie Fair sp? discipline--lax, easy going, more or less whatever goes but somewhat responsible attentiveness.
3) I think there was a Democratic discipline-all parties discuss and give input and try to reach a decision.
4) Abusive discipline.
5) unattentive--ignoring the child--whatever the child wanted to do the child did.

Factors like socio economic income were factored out.

Can you guess what the one factor was accounting for 80% of the variance?

It was whether THE CHILD

****FELT**** LOVED.

Evidently, it had to be authentic caring!

Not whether the child was loved but whether the child FELT loved. If the child felt loved, they became successful as adults. It was clear and simple.

And, pretty Biblical, too. Love covers a multitude of sins.

Nothing else mattered near as much.

I would guess that from how you handle your husband, your children are fortunate indeed.