You Know You're Italian If...

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[Mannaggia l'America]

A little New Year's humor...

You Know You're Italian If...

1. You have many relatives named either Joe or Mary, and you have at least one brother named Joe
2. You grew up in a small house, but you still had two kitchens. (One was in the basement)
3. When you were growing up, you had five cousins all living on the same street
4. When you were growing up, you thought that all wine was red and that it only came in gallon jugs
5. If someone in your family grows beyond 6’ 2”, it’s presumed that the mother had an affair
6. There were more than 28 people in your wedding party
7. Your grandfather had a fig tree
8. You've always wanted a red Ferrari
9. When you were growing up, you ate Sunday dinner at 2:00 p.m., and on Thanksgiving, your family’s first course was Ravioli
10. Your big family gatherings were held in your garage
11. Your favorite movie is the “Godfather”, your favorite television show is “The Sopranos”, and your favorite singers are (in order) Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Jerry Vale, and Louis Prima
12. Connie Francis songs makes you cry
13. At least one person in your family does a great impression of Don Corleone
14. You’ve been hit with a spoon and/or you’ve been hit by a nun
15. You feel strangely comfortable when you sit on plastic-covered furniture
16. You know all the words to “That’s Amore”
17. You’re wife or husband wears a tee shirt that says “Pray for me, I married an Italian.”
18. You’ve been to the Vatican at least once
19. For a short time while you were growing up, you wanted to be a priest or a nun
20. When you were growing up, you thought Jesus was an Italian who lived in Israel
21. You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy"
22. Your mom's meatballs are the best!
23. If at least five of the above apply to you, congratulations!!! You’re Italian!

[Victoria Delsoul]

You don't need a translation when listening Italian music.. Italian, is the language of love…. Spanish too. Forget about French, hahaha.

[Alberta's Child]

You don't need a translation when listening Italian music.. Italian, is the language of love…. Spanish too. Forget about French, hahaha.

Very well said. LOL!!

[jellybean]

What great memories!

Not being Italian, nor growing up around anybody who was, my memories are quite different.

I love reading about the traditions and the close-knit bonds that seem to be the rule rather than the exception among Italian families. Italians are the most open, caring and sharing people I've ever met.

My impression is that food is the language of love for the typical Italian or at least a means to express that love. They may write beautiful love songs, but I'm convinced a better guage is the amount of love they put into their cooking reflects the amount of love they have for those to whom it is served.

[mandingo republican]

You Know You're Italian If... REVISED VERSION MO ADDEd

Your spouse is Irish
Your wife's idea of foreplay is cleaning the house - at 3 in the morning no less!
Moslems have Mecca and you have Atlantic City.
You think all people from Latin American who speak Spanish are Puerto Ricans.
Your underarms are as hairy as your moms and you are her daughter
You think a Puerto Rican Jew is a janitor who owns his own building.
Your parents have been married for 50 years and they only have had sex 3 times. You have two siblings including you. Get it?
You are always looking for a bowl of grandma's escarole soup and my great grandma's stroufla cookies
You have many relatives named either Joe or Mary, and you have at least one brother named Joe
You forgot the Anthonys (pronounced Ant-ney)!
You grew up in a small house, but you still had two kitchens. (One was in the basement)
Italian women are first and foremost interested in their mothers. You could be married to them and give them five orgasms a day and they would still be on the phone to Mom complaining.
Your favorite comedian is Pat Cooper, (Bada-bing!)

When you were growing up, you had five cousins all living on the same street
When you were growing up, you thought that all wine was red and that it only came in gallon jugs
If someone in your family grows beyond 6’ 2”, it’s presumed that the mother had an affair (the milk man)
There were more than 28 people in your wedding party
Your grandfather had a fig tree
You've always wanted a red Ferrari
When you were growing up, you ate Sunday dinner at 2:00 p.m., and on Thanksgiving, your family’s first course was Ravioli
Your big family gatherings were held in your garage
Your favorite movie is the “Godfather”, your favorite television show is “The Sopranos”, and your favorite singers are (in order) Frank Sinatra, Bobby Darrin, Dean Martin, Jerry Vale, and Louis Prima - not Tony Bennet.
Favorite"family" movie might also be Rocky

Connie Francis songs makes you cry
At least one person in your family does a great impression of Don Corleone OR
At least one person in your family is Don Corleone
When they made the Godfather you thought it was based on a member of your family.
You’ve been hit with a spoon and/or you’ve been hit by a nun
You feel strangely comfortable when you sit on plastic-covered furniture
You know all the words to “That’s Amore”
You’re wife or husband wears a tee shirt that says “Pray for me, I married an Italian.”
You’ve been to the Vatican at least once
For a short time while you were growing up, you wanted to be a priest or a nun
When you were growing up, you thought Jesus was an Italian who lived in Israel
You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy"
Your mom's meatballs are the best!
If at least five of the above apply to you, congratulations!!! You’re Italian!
Your mother's mustache is almost as thick as dad's
you hear a helicopter over head and you think its callin g you a slur as in wop wop wop
You are greeted at the door when you visit with a meatball on a fork.

You are amazed, when you leave NY, that people will actually put tomato soup on their pasta and think it is sauce. It's frightening.

You have a garden and it has zucchini, tomatoes, and eggplant. In the front yard is a "hen and chicks" and there is at least one fig tree.

You know Christmas Eve as "fish night". This means at least 5 different courses of fish. In fact, if it's a holiday, you must have at LEAST six courses.
You know what a pork store is.

You knew what capuccino was before you ever heard of Starbuck's.

You knew someone who was "connected".

When you saw the "Godfather", you wondered why you weren't in the family movie.
Someone insults the singer and you shoot him.
You bought at least one Christmas present out of the trunk of a car in an alley.

Someone in you family owed a fortune in "juice", that had nothing to do with fruit.

It wasn't Sunday if you didn't smell the gravy cooking while you were still in bed!

If you used a closeline in the house to dry Pasta before a holiday.

You knew only one kid that had blue eyes, and you had a crush on his sister.

If you had a cousin that had a hairline that almost touched his/her eyebrows.

You had at least 3 women in the family that only wore Black.

If you really miss the smell of sausage at a wedding...

You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.
Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a 76 Monte Carlo.
You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro or Firebird.
Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.
You consider dunking a cannoli in an espresso a nutritious breakfast.
Your 2 best friends are your cousin and your brother-in-law's brother-in-law.
You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 strip clubs.
Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your "Just do me" tank top to the beach.
A high school diploma and 1 year of Nassau Community College has earned you the title of "professor" among your aunts.
You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.
You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.
At some point in your life, you were a D.J
30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Pronto" when answering the phone.
You have ever been in a fight defending Sly Stallone's thespian greatness.
Somewhere on your parents' property, there is a bathtub Madonna.
You build your house with 3 materials.... brick, brick and wrought iron.
You have at least one sister that went to Beauty School.
It is impossible for you to talk with your hands in your pockets.
Have been to a funeral where talk of the deceased is, "He shoulda kept his big yap shut."
If redecorating your living room means changing the plastic covers on the
furniture.....odds are in favor of you being Italian !
If you attend more than 9 weddings a year....guess what? You're Italian!
If your friends come over for dinner and they leave 10 lbs
heavier......YOU ARE ITALIAN!
If you ask for one serving of whatever your mother cooked and she heaps 4
big helpings on your plate instead.......yep! You're Italian !
If you are over 225 lbs. and your mother is worried that your wife isn't
feeding you enough...that's right...you're Italian!
If you like to talk, but become instantly mute when you're hands are tied
down........then you're Italian!
If your backyard consists of 1/8 grass and 7/8 tomato plants........I'm
afraid you're Italian !
If you have more pictures of Jesus and Mary on your walls than family
members......you're an Italian!
If your Mother has votive candles under pictures of St. Anthony and Frank
Sinatra...yep... you're Italian.
If Baptisms and engagement parties are 2 or 3 times as big as the average
American wedding.........guess what ? You're Italian!!
If you can't remember all the words to the national anthem, but know every
word of "Volare" in Italian.......then chances are you are one!!
If you wear heels just to go to the super market ........
you're an Italian princess!
If everyone over the age of 55 in your family is under 5' 5" and wears
nothing but black......you're Italian !!
If you have 4 Antonietta's, 5 Joey's, and 8 Tony's in your
family........its a good bet that you're Italian!
If every one of your uncles is referred to by a nickname like "No Neck" or
"Lefty"...... you know what I'm gonna say......uh huh...you're Italian!
If you're 16 and you're seen with a guy by anyone in your family, and they
ask you if you're going to get married anytime soon......yep, ITALIAN !!
If you don't know the names of the EIGHTEEN bridesmaids in your wedding
party....too bad ! You're Italian!
You'd need to rent a hall to see your entire family.....60% of which you don't really know.
Someone in your family makes their own wine/cheese/sausages and all of them are the strongest things you've ever put in your mouth.
As long as less than 75 people are coming to eat, you cater all the dinners yourself.
You have at least 5 members of your family names Maria or Anthony.
All of your gold jewelry was bought by family members or passed down.
The day you learned the word "culo" was a great day.
You've noticed your dad, uncle and/or grandpa wears white socks with leather criss cross sandals.
You can't imagine why anyone wouldn't like olives.
Your grandmother/mother/aunt has a garden where she grows at least three kinds of vegetables.
You know the brand name UNICO
When you have a nonna.

You know what a rice ball really tastes like.

Your car has a green red and a white bow with a horn attached on the mirror!

You know the words to Dominick the Donkey!

Have a gold chain, cross and your horn...

"fuhggettaboutit"

The Godfather is your role model

KTU is the only radio station you know.

You eat zeppoli's whenever you go to the 18th Ave feast.

Always gotta have a clean pair of Fila's

Pasta, pasta, pasta everyday.

Pasta e Fagioli
This dish is also called "Pasta Fazool"
in many southern Italian dialects.
This is the real thingy, we ate as kids instead of Chicken Noodle soup.

1/2 pound lean ground pork
1 small onion, diced
1 clove garlic, minced
One 14½ ounce can chicken broth
One 14½ ounce can Italian style chopped tomatoes
One 15 ounce can white beans, drained
1 tsp. oregano
1/4 tsp. crushed red pepper
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. crushed fennel seed
1/2 tsp. coarsely ground black pepper
1/2 cup small pasta (shells or macaroni)

In large heavy saucepan, brown and crumble ground pork.
Stir in onion and garlic; cook and stir until onion is soft, about 3 minutes.
Stir in all remaining ingredients; bring to a boil, lower heat and simmer for 10-12 minutes, until pasta is tender.

Me = 100% Italian - and I've got a story for ya. At one time (late 60s) we lived with my grandparents in Valhalla, NY prior to my dad being transferred to Texas). My grandmother's sister lived next door. Whenever I got hungry (which was all the time because everything cooked was awesome), I would scamper accross to aunt Phill and uncle Pat's house and seek the blood of the tomato... Aunt Phill would keep a pot of sauce in the diswasher! When I arrived she pulled the pot out and placed it on the counter - then she'd pick me up, hand me a loaf of bread and I would commence to dipping the bread in the sauce... yummy.

Why did Aunt Phill keep the sauce in the dishwasher? She was a diabetic and was not allowed to have pasta/sauce. When my great uncle Pat caught on to her ways - there was a shouting match that would rival any weapon of mass destruction. But you know, they loved each other very much.

[JoeA]

One thing I forgot to mention was eggplant parmigiana, which I 'm sure was served. I never liked it though. Can't imagin not having bread. Even now I 'm always looking for a good loaf of Italian bread, which is nearly impossible to come by in the Bay Area.

I'm curious, where was this? I think generally in New York / New Jersey it seems to be gravy, and sauce elsewhere.

[JoeA]

If you had a cousin that had a hairline that almost touched his/her eyebrows.

You had at least 3 women in the family that only wore Black.

LOL!!!

[JoeA]

details please.

[JoeA]

...knowing how to fold a slice of pizza. So true, a lost art.

[JoeA]

Lard Bread!!! That's it. I used to buy it from a store on Court St in Carroll Gardens. They only made it a few days a week, as I recall. What a great memory.

[RIGHT IN LAS VEGAS]

It was the addition of,,,,,,'chovie"

....for the response!.

Then and only then, did real men tell the women to make a pie!

And we, as Men, asked for the crushed red!

[Hoverbug]

I promise.

Hb

[CatoRenasci]

Giannini was initially a poor immigrant who did well, his children were surely well-accepted. One of my greatgrandfathers counted AP as a close friend, and my father told me that Giannini was a not infrequent guest in their house in San Francisco during the '20s, and that he also remembered going to the BofA's headquarters downtown to the executive dining room to have lunch with Giannini, my greatgrandfather, and my great uncle, who was on the bank's board for many years. As a boy and young man, I met Claire Giannini a few times, whom my father knew fairly well growing up. San Francisco was really a pretty small town, socially, in my father's high school and college days in the '20s, and everyone knew everyone else.

Ah, wine snobs! Growing up in the business, however, one learns to distinguish between the really knowledgeable, who are sincerely interested in understanding what the wine-maker was doing (and usually understand your subtle hints that they've gone into 'proprietary' areas when you don't want to tell them all the tricks of the trade) and the ones who are out to use knowledge as a put down or to make themselves seem superior.

[carlo3b]

Thank you sweetheart for posting the song Volare.  It's been said on this wonderful thread that knowing the words to this song is a right of passage as an Italian. Of course only a handful of Italians of today, myself included, know the exact verbatim translation.. Here it is, although I think it will be a bit disconcerting to finally learn the English version because, as with many Italian Opera,  it loses the romance in translation..

Volare
The popular Italian version

by, Domenico Modugno, Francesco Migliacci

Penso che un sogno così non ritorni mai più
mi dipingevo le mani e la faccia di blu
poi d'improvviso venivo dal vento rapito
e incominciavo a volare nel cielo infinito

Volare, oh oh
Cantare, oh oh oh oh
Nel blu, dipinto di blu,
felice di stare lassú

E volavo, volavo felice, più in alto del sole

ed ancora più su
mentre il mondo pian piano spariva lontano laggiù
una musica dolce suonava soltanto per me

Volare, oh oh
Cantare, oh oh oh oh
Nel blu, dipinto di blu,
felice di stare lassú

Nel blu, dipinto di blu,
felicé di stare lassú

E volavo, volavo felice, più in alto del sole

ed ancora più su
mentre il mondo pian piano spariva lontano laggiù
una musica dolce suonava soltanto per me

Volare, oh oh
Cantare, oh oh oh
Nel blu, dipinto di blu, felice di stare lassú
Nel blu, dipinto di blu, felice di stare lassú

To Fly

Translated into English, or as close as anyone can get.. :)

I think a dream like that will never return
I painted the hands and the face blue
then suddenly I was abducted by the wind
and I started to fly in the infinite sky

To fly, oh oh
To sing, oh oh oh oh
In the blue painted blue,

happy of being up there

And I flew, I flew happy, higher than the sun

and higher again
while the world slowly disappeared far away down there a sweet music played only for me

To fly, oh oh
To sing, oh oh oh oh
In the blue painted blue,

happy of being up there

In the blue painted blue,

happy of being up there

And I keep on flying happy, higher than the sun

and higher again

while the world slowly disappeared far away down there a sweet music played only for me

To fly, oh oh
To sing, oh oh oh oh
In the blue painted blue, happy of being up there
In the blue painted blue, happy of being up there
 

See what I mean?.. like kissin your sister, something's missing . :(

[Mannaggia l'America]

PLEASE, PLEASE,PLEASE....I'M BEGGING...SOMEONE GIVE ME MOM'S SPAGETTI SAUCE RECIPE...PLEASE!!!!!!

It's unfortunate, but you have to understand - there is no recipe. One generation learns by watching and helping the previous.

Ask my grandmother, how much salt? "This much", holding out her palm with some salt in it. You can try to measure it before she puts stuff in to get a recipie, but it just don't come out right in the end.

[jellybean]

It's unfortunate, but you have to understand - there is no recipe. One generation learns by watching and helping the previous.

Your grandmother cooks the way I do -- by instinct and experience. I have no recipes for such things as spagetti sauce (gravy), chili, lasagne, chicken soup or just about anything else I cook on a regular basis. You take basic ingredients and add spices and herbs based on past experience and instinct as to how much or whether a certain spice/herb will blend well with the other ingredients. Which is why I could never write down one of my recipes. It's never the same twice. LOL

It's also why I prefer cooking over baking. Baking is more of an exact science. Too much flour or baking soda and the whole thing is ruined. But have you ever eaten a spagetti sauce with too much garlic or oregeno?? I contend it can't be done! An experienced cook knows when to stop. Not enough? You can always add more. :)

[jellybean]

Ooops...oregano

[Mannaggia l'America]

OK, here goes.

This is a soup my family called "Minest", which is short for "minestrone" or "big soup". It was usually made on Easter and on Christmas day (and maybe once or twice in between). Be warned - it is a lot of work, which is why it is not made that often, but it is worth it.

Remember, this is an old family recipe, so the measurements are rough - it really depends on the amount of soup you want to make and the size of your pot, and whether you like more greens or meat. Feel free to increase the amount of meat or greens. But let's assume you have a large soup pot, at least 16 quarts.

You need the following ingredients:

3 bunches of endives (chicory) - NOT Belgian endives
2 heads of cabbage
2 large onions
1 lb of mild Italian sausage
1 lb of hot Italian sausage
1 large stick of pepperoni
1 "chunk" of ham, about 3 or 4 lbs.
(one of the small pre-cooked smoked hams or canned hams
from the grocery store is fine - but not with honey)
salt
black pepper
bay leaves (optional)
Italian bread (for dipping)

You need two pots. One has to be fairly large, at least 16 quarts, although you can probably get away with 12 quarts.

First, rinse the endives. Cut off the about 1 inch of the bottoms and discard. Break them apart and put them in one pot (the smaller one if you only have one large pot) and fill with enough water to cover them, or at least almost since they will shrink. Put that one the stove on med/high heat so it comes to a boil. Let this cook for 45 min. to an hour.

While the endives are cooking, fill your big pot half way with water (use your judgement here - this water will end up being the "soup" - if your pot is very large and you don't want that much soup, only fill it to 1/3. Use too much water and not enough meat and your soup will taste like, well, water).

Chop the two onions and put them into the big pot. Peel the skin off the pepperoni stick and cut it in three even pieces and put them into the big pot. Cut the sausages into three evenly sized pieces and put them into the big pot. Cut the skin off the ham (if any) and cut it in half and put into the big pot. Put two bay leaves in, along with some salt and pepper (how much? don't know! try one tablespoon of salt and 2 tsp. of black pepper - you can add more later). Put this pot on the stove on high heat and let it come to a boil and cook for 1 hour.

While these two pots are cooking, break apart the cabbages. The easiest way is to quarter them, cut out the hearts, and then pull apart the leaves. Don't shred them - you want leaves.

When the endives have cooked for about 45 min, drain them and set them aside. Discard the water from the endives.

After the meat has cooked for about an hour, fish out all of the meat - but don't drain it! The water used to cook the meat is the "soup", so you must fish out the meat and put it into a bowl or something.

After you get out the meat, put the cabbage and endives into the meat water and bring it to a boil again.

While the cabbage and endives are cooking in the meat water, slice up the sausages and pepperoni. Slice the sausages into pieces about 1/2" thick and the pepperoni into pieces about 1/4" thick. Cut up the ham into approx. 1" cubes.

When the cabbage feels like it is getting soft (probably after about 20 or 30 minutes), add the chopped meat back into the soup pot and let it cook for another 30 minutes or so. Add more salt and pepper to taste.

Then your soup is finally done! When serving, make sure you get greens and meat in each bowl and serve with Italian bread, which is for dipping into the soup bowl.

Dipping bread into the soup is a must!

You can freeze the extra soup to keep it for another day. Some people think it tastes even better after it has been warmed up after being frozen.

[fml]

--At least one kid in the family had to bring his/her accordian to a holiday dinner and played "Lady of Spain"--

Sad, but true.

Off topic - any good super bowl party suggestions? I've been roped into throwing one this year and I'm not a party person.

[carlo3b]

Have you seen, "The Cook. The Thief, His Wife, The Lover"! Check it out.. Different, it give a whole new meaning to the term "Restaurant chic"!

[carlo3b]

Try this recipe and check out this link ..Have fun.

 
AN AWARD WINNING RECIPE

The Famous Original Cadillac Bar Salsa

You'll want to tattoo this baby to your Ascot.. Yehaaaaaaaaaa!!

• 2 Tbls. pure olive oil
• 3 lbs. ripe tomatoes, blanched and peeled
• 2 cloves garlic
• 1 lg. or 2 sm. green bell peppers, quartered
• 1 lg. yellow onion, quartered
• 2-4  jalapeño peppers, or 1 Habañero... (careful handling Habañero, use gloves)
• 1 Tbls. salt
• 1 large fresh lime, (juice)
• 1 bunch fresh cilantro, rinsed, trimmed of stems, and finely chopped
• 1 Tbls. Oregano
• 1/2 tsp. sugar

1) Combine into food processor, tomatoes, garlic, bell peppers, onion, hot pepper(s), and chopped into a relish.
2) Place large, heavy bottomed pot on med. heat. Add oil. Add chopped vegetables.
Stir and simmer for 45 mins.
3) Mix in salt, cilantro, lime, Oregano and sugar.
Simmer additional 15 mins, covered.
Serve warm, or chilled, as a dip, and/or with a variety of corn, wheat, or tortilla chips.