Who Is The Father? Actual replies from women on welfare forms

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Who Is The Father?

The following are all replies that women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details: These are genuine excerpts from the forms (names removed) :

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

8. [name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at EuroDisney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at [address given], mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a tin of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart!

[Who is John Galt?]

"Where's the money, Lebowski?"

;>)

[FITZ]

I have a feeling that her "fainting" had more to do with how much booze she drank that night at the party and less to do with the sex being "so good".

Or someone used some date rape drug on her unnecessarily.

[mountaineer]

I prosecuted child support enforcement cases for five (long) years, and these stories are all too typical. I had one woman who knew only that she had sex with, and was impregnated by, someone at a biker gang birthday party. She, apparently, was the "party favor" being passed around to the greasy masses. I can't recall how many paternity tests we did, and still never found the sperm donor. Another of my clients had six children by five different men. She wasn't particularly discriminating, it seems.

[FITZ]

There is quite a bit of that --- it's sad too because often these women have very low IQs, are so gullible they can be talked into anything. There are girls 14 years old in the high school here who don't know who impregnated them. They really have no clue who is the father --- but it's too bad their the ones doing the most reproducing today.

[HairOfTheDog]

okay :~D

[Phaedrus]

Hilarious!

[mountaineer]

What's really unnerving is to have your welfare "client" be the grandmother - who is all of 34 years of age.

[FITZ]

They had to take 6 kids away from their 21 year old mother here --- she didn't know who any of the dads were and she was neglecting the kids. Her mother --- the grandmother was of no help ---- she's in prison for drug smuggling over the border.

[FITZ]

I knew a grandmother like that --- very young and she actually stated about her 14 year old having a baby that it was going to be nice having a baby in the family again --- and they had no clue who the dad was.

[GeekDejure]

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a tin of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart!

Yeah... nobody ever listens to you until you fart !!! ;-))

.

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Yeah... nobody ever listens to you until you fart !!! ;-))

Isn't that always the way?

[Pan_Yans Wife]

Why hasn't this been moved to chat?

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Shhhhhhhh.

[nutmeg]

read later bump

[ThanhPhero]

they were merely wombmates

Only in Australia, and it is spelled there without the m or the e.

[Wondervixen]

Reminds me of the Rodney Carrington routine on things that piss you off...

Wanna know what pisses me off? I've got two kids...One 9 months old & one 10 months (long pause as audience does the math)...THAT'LL piss you off!

[freedumb2003]

Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Lone Starr: What's that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing.

[quietolong]

Do you really want these mothers home schooling?

[mlmr]

Happy New Year to all!


May this be a better year than last.