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Who Is The Father? Actual replies from women on welfare forms
Posted on 12/31/2003 1:40:58 PM PST by Hillary's Lovely Legs
Who Is The Father?
The following are all replies that women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details: These are genuine excerpts from the forms (names removed) :
1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.
2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.
3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.
4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.
5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.
6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.
7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.
8. [name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?
9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at EuroDisney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.
10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at [address given], mine might have remained unfertilized.
11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a tin of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart!
TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: crabbyhobbitpeople; humor; mybabiesdaddy; whosyourdaddy
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To: ThanhPhero
a set of "twins" who were born 3 months apart, Those aren't twins, they were merely wombmates. ;-)
41
posted on
12/31/2003 2:35:49 PM PST
by
StriperSniper
(Sending the Ba'thist to the showers! ;-)
To: John Beresford Tipton
My boss and his wife were going through fertility treatments. As a last resort they tried in vitro. Sure enough, she became pregnant with twins. They discovered that only one of the twins was implanted the other was fertilized during their frantic attempts to get it done the old fashioned way one last time. Something about their placement in the uterus and the fact that one was a couple of days older than the other.
42
posted on
12/31/2003 2:38:16 PM PST
by
Crusher138
(Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just, and this be our motto "In God is our trust!")
To: jaybee
I've always wondered if they had different daddies. While cat litters can have widely differing looks among cats that have only one father, if the stray mom was out free during her heat, she was undoubtably "had" by a few males over that time period, and the kittens could well be from different fathers.
And, yes, this is possible in humans, if there is more than one egg released, and more than one guy in the, er, picture.
43
posted on
12/31/2003 2:40:57 PM PST
by
Yaelle
To: John Beresford Tipton
If they were fraternal rather than identical twins this is possible. Years ago, I remember reading about a British girl who had one white baby and one black baby. They were fraternal twins and each had a different father.
44
posted on
12/31/2003 2:43:09 PM PST
by
Aliska
To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
That is really funny
45
posted on
12/31/2003 2:45:42 PM PST
by
sawyer
To: notpoliticallycorewrecked
The lab that I worked for did paternity testing. Me too! We did a Hell's Angels case back in the 70s, when the entire troupe had to come in and give blood. Thank goodness "it" wasn't one of the several father/son/brother combos. LOL!
46
posted on
12/31/2003 2:47:16 PM PST
by
Yaelle
To: Conservative til I die
You never let me have any fun.
47
posted on
12/31/2003 2:50:28 PM PST
by
BigWaveBetty
(HAPPY NEW YEAR!!)
To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
She was conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted.I have a feeling that her "fainting" had more to do with how much booze she drank that night at the party and less to do with the sex being "so good".
48
posted on
12/31/2003 2:56:22 PM PST
by
usadave
To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
This looks like one of the usual Jerry Springer episodes.
To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
True Story
When I was in insurance sales, I was insuring a young lady and a her 5 children.
As she was naming the children I noticed she gave
a different last name for each child.
I asked her
"Do all those children have a different father."?
She thought for few seconds and replied
"Yeah cept for dem twins"
50
posted on
12/31/2003 2:58:00 PM PST
by
WKB
(3!~ A fine is a tax for doing wrong.; A tax is a fine for doing well.)
To: usadave
If someone isn't fainting, you aren't doing it right.
51
posted on
12/31/2003 2:59:23 PM PST
by
Hillary's Lovely Legs
(I have a plan. I need empty liquor bottles, a vacuum cleaner, and a dead monkey.)
To: festus
I have worked in welfare-to-work.... I didn't get cute stories. This is funny, but I wouldn't call it true.
To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
Seems that the definition of confusion now includes Father's Day in England.
53
posted on
12/31/2003 3:10:02 PM PST
by
BenLurkin
(Socialism is Slavery)
To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
This is hysyerical. I have to give them credit for originality, if not judgement. :-)
To: sawyer
If all this is for real I doubt that it is funny to most readers of this forum. God placed humans to have dominion over animals....not to be animals.
55
posted on
12/31/2003 3:16:09 PM PST
by
Hidgy
(LONG LIVE THE REPUBLIC)
To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps. This one was bill clinton.
I don't have a clue about the others.
56
posted on
12/31/2003 3:21:36 PM PST
by
Gritty
(The first refuge of a scoundrel is no longer the flag. It is the Democrat Party!)
To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.
Well.....you never know.....can you.....?
To: Spacemonkey1023
After all when you eat a tin of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart!
________________________________
Such a nice girl, I wonder what got into her?
58
posted on
12/31/2003 3:46:03 PM PST
by
BushCountry
(To the last, I will grapple with Democrats. For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at Liberals.)
To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
...He likes beer, booze, plonk, alcohol, and ale, leave passes ...I was doing fine with your definition until you came up with plonk. What the hell is plonk>
59
posted on
12/31/2003 4:24:20 PM PST
by
curmudgeonII
(Why can't the Brits learn to speak English?)
To: curmudgeonII
plonk: excl.,vt.
[Usenet: possibly influenced by British slang plonk for cheap booze, or plonker for someone behaving stupidly (latter is lit. equivalent to Yiddish schmuck)] The sound a newbie makes as he falls to the bottom of a kill file.
60
posted on
12/31/2003 4:31:34 PM PST
by
Hillary's Lovely Legs
(I have a plan. I need empty liquor bottles, a vacuum cleaner, and a dead monkey.)
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