A GUY WITH NO CLUE WHO LEFT ME IN A STEW (WHY NYC IS FULL OF LONELY LIBERAL 30-SOMETHING WOMEN)

NY Post ^ | November 16, 2003 | BRIDGET HARRISON

[presidio9]

I lay awake in bed for three hours straight this Thursday, panicking that I have become way too choosy when it comes to blind dates. After all, isn't New York full of lonely women in their 30s who think no one is good enough?

[The_Media_never_lie]

Argh!!!!!!!

[dead]

The cat question is very relevant. I could never ever live with a cat.

They're tall rats.

[NathanR]

Then for you it is an excellent question.

[hellinahandcart]

Cats??? What do cats have to do with anything?

I have three and I ain't gettin' rid of them til they die of old age, that's what it has to do with anything. :P

[justanotherfreeper]

Oddly enough, most of the women in the Bible Belt hanging around in bars, drinking and smoking ARE Southern Baptists.

It's because Southern Baptists aren't allowed to dance. :)

[PJ-Comix]

Hope you don't mind, but that story is hilarious! You really captured the essence of a date from hell.

Yeah, all dates after that HAD to be an improvemnt. Not long after my date with the female Nikita Khruschev, I was visiting NYC and got a date with a "Joisey" chick. It was a very rainy day and that evening when we went to Greenwich village we proceeded to cross the wet street and I felt and heavy tug on my hand. My Joisey Chick had fallen into a pothole which appeared to be have only a couple of inches of rain water on the surface but was in fact several feet deep. When I pulled Joisey Chick out she was covered completely with sewer water along with the mixed smells of raw sewage.

Joisey Chick apologized profusely and wondered how I was able to later calmly eat my meal while the many odors of sewer waste emanated from her. Hey, once you've been on a DATE FROM HELL with a female Nikita Khruschev, all other dates are a piece of cake (rotten cake being one of the many smells covering Joisey Chick).

[hellinahandcart]

I am conservative enough to never ever ask that question. At least until way later in the relationship.

It's not a first-date question, maybe, but you'd better ask it before you're stuck with once-a-decade sex for the rest of your life...

[NathanR]

Then it looks like you and dead would not get along.

LOL

"The cat question is very relevant. I could never ever live with a cat." -dead-

[cajun-jack]

she only got screwed out of dinner and cab fare...can't catch aids getting screwed that way....

[PJ-Comix]

Liberal? Conservative? Read my Reply #232 about the DATE FROM HELL and you will find that sometimes such matters are irrelevant.

[hellinahandcart]

Then it looks like you and dead would not get along.

mrs. dead is another drawback to our long-term compatibility. ;D

[NYC GOP Chick]

I have three and I ain't gettin' rid of them til they die of old age, that's what it has to do with anything. :PM

You also get to see if they're prone to making dopey pussy jokes. ;)

[hellinahandcart]

You also get to see if they're prone to making dopey pussy jokes. ;)

Sound like anyone you know?

[LibertarianInExile]

I'm going on the assumption you forgot the /sarcasm.

[NYC GOP Chick]

Did you get together with your favorite Opera Queen when you were here? ;)

[Ciexyz]

Interesting read.

[Timesink]

POLICE CHIEF: [he's dropped the Italian accent and is now talking like Alexei Sayle] It's been a terrible blow to my life looking like Mussolini, you know. Especially when I was a kid, you know, I was about seven, right, and I was down the Youth Club, you know, dancing away, right, like in the 'sixties, doing the Twist...

[he starts doing the Twist]

...you know. And, em, there was this girl, right, and she comes up to me, and she goes,"'Ere! Are you Mussolini?" I said, "Emmm...Yeah." She says, "I thought you was dead." I says, "No, it was just me day off, you know." So she pulled me over the dance floor and butted me in the face! I said, "What's that for?" She said, "That's for the invasion of Crete!"

[to the sound of applause, the Police Chief walks through the office door]

[Cut to: SCENE of a stage with a glittery curtain. An M.C. in a purple lame tuxedo is at the microphone.]

MC: ...And now, Italy's contestent in the Eurovision Song Contest, here is Il Duce with this year's entry...Take it away, Duce!

[Emcee yields the stage to the Police Chief. He enjoys the cheers and then the music starts.]

POLICE CHIEF: [sings the following song]

Whenever people bother me
When they shout and raise their voices
I don't let it get me down
I just make some stupid noises!

I go...HUH HUH HUH HUH NI NI NI NI YA YA YA [etc.]

When the boss is giving you the sack
'Cause you've lost all his invoices
Don't drink a bottle of sulphuric acid
Relax, make stupid noises!

Just go...

[more stupid noises as the Police Chief dances around]

[NYC GOP Chick]

Well, were the jokes dopey or clever? That *does* make a difference, you know...

[HighWheeler]

"I didn't say I'd date her! I have standards.

Thanks for that, I thought you might have needed either an eye exam or a head exam.

[Dan from Michigan]

You also get to see if they're prone to making dopey pussy jokes. ;)

Reminds me of a pregame speech when I coached football. Our team is called the Bulldogs. Our opponents were the Lions.

I'll stop there........