If Only Saddam Hussein Had Called 411 (this page is interesting and sometimes amusing)

www.scrappleface.com forum ^

[easonc52]

2003-11-06) -- The New York Times revealed today that Saddam Hussein desperately tried to avert the Coalition attack on Iraq in March but could not find the phone number to the White House, or No. 10 Downing Street.

The Iraqi dictator reportedly wanted to offer sweeping concessions, and even "unconditional terms", but his intelligence officers could not find a way to directly contact Prime Minister Tony Blair or U.S. President George Bush.

"What we have here is a failure to communicate," said retired Gen. Wesley Clark, who is running for president as a Democrat. "The Bush administration didn't do enough to publicize the White House phone number. This New York Times report clearly shows that Saddam was contrite and ready to cooperate with any and all U.S. demands. We have no one to blame but George Bush for overthrowing this repentant man."

According to the Times story, Saddam Hussein attempted to contact the White House by... -- sending Hassan al-Obeidi, chief of foreign operations of the Iraqi Intelligence Service, -- to speak with a Lebanese-American businessman, Imad Hage, -- who spoke with Michael Maloof a Lebanese-American working as an analyst in the Pentagon, -- who introduced Mr. Hage to Defense Policy Board member Richard Perle.

Eventually, Mr. Hage met with Tahir Jalil Habbush, the director of the Iraqi Intelligence Service who offered, among other concessions, to turn over al Qaeda operative Abdul Rahman Yasin, an indicted co-conspirator in the 1993 World Trade Center bombing.

U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said his office had monitored Mr. Hage's contacts with Saddam's government, but eventually rejected the information as unreliable.

"After all," said Mr. Rumsfeld, "Everyone knows that Saddam had no ties to al Qaeda or any other global terror network."

Posted by Scott Ott | Donate via PayPal | Comments (42) | More News Satire | x

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some of the comments:

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I was like SO first, like a hour ago, but when I tried to comment, it wouldn't work. I demand a recount. And a do-over. And, it's not even fair.

(Channeling AlGore)

Posted by: MathMom on November 6, 2003 08:44 AM

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Breaking News, Manchester Massachusets:

Car plunges off cliff into ocean. Woman in car barely escpaes with her life. Ted Kennedy not available for comment.

Posted by: Big Time Sublime on November 6, 2003 09:06 AM

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CLARK RIPS FAILED REPUBLICAN LEADERSHIP

for immediate release

Gen. Wesley Clark today again blasted the failed diplomacy of the GOP today. Gen. Clark said that the President's unilateralism has cost the lives of many soldiers, and repeated his longstanding opposition to the war. "This is a quagmire we never get out of," Gen. Clark said.

Gen. Clark expressed hope that his opposition to the War of Northern Aggression will win over support from pickup driving Confederate loyalists.

Posted by: reuters on November 6, 2003 09:15 AM

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Saddam tried and tried to call, but his phone lines were slammed by French telemarketers trying to sell weaponry and precursor chemicals.

Posted by: Big Time Sublime on November 6, 2003 10:41 AM

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Sometimes it is difficult to seperate satire from reality.

Posted by: Inspire 28 on November 6, 2003 11:08 AM

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Maybe if Saddam had not tried to use his french-issued calling card, he'd have been able to get in touch with freedom loving people, instead of the greedy, self-interested Eurotrash he was hard-wired into.

Shut-up, french-doosch, I'll slap you so hard, your grandkids will be born dizzy!

Posted by: Big Tex on November 6, 2003 12:34 PM

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[easonc52]

I apologize if this was already posted, but this forum seems to have a bunch of people who are or should be freepers.

[Southack]

Good satire always fools people. watch the forthcoming posts on this thread to see what I mean.

[VOA]

The New York Times revealed today that Saddam Hussein desperately tried to avert
the Coalition attack on Iraq in March but could not find the phone number to the
White House, or No. 10 Downing Street.

Wait a darned second!
Saddam is suppossedly sweating bullets when he can't get a direct to
Dubya or Tony...
and he doesn't call his real allies, e.g., Senator Tom Daschle, the editorial
staff at The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, The Washinton Post?

And this is the guy that CNN had lots of access to because they (CNN) had entered
into a "Blood For Headlines" policy.

Saddam isn't that freakin' stupid (or was)...

[baltodog]

Okay! Okay!
I say we give Saddam another chance. Just one.
Who's with me on this?

[easonc52]

My wife has been telling me for weeks that she might vote for Clark, and I keep telling her she's not paying attention to what he really stands for.

I wonder how many others do the same.

When I found this 'satire', I was actually looking for a characature (sp) to post near the front door, pointing out the door.

[easonc52]

Does anyone have a good post with listings of the reasons that Wesley Clark is a poor choice?

I have my own reasons etc., but it may be more convincing if it comes from an outside, knowledgeable source.

Thanks :-)

[JennysCool]

Um...thanks for the post but Scrappleface has been a FReeper fave for a LONG time.

[Southack]

Sheesh, where to start?!

Clark was a perfumed prince in the military who uniformly annoyed, angered, and was opposed by everyone in the ranks below, at, and above his pay grade level...save those few who like Rhodes Scholars, megalomaniacs, and politically-connected Machiavellian ministers.

It was General Clark's tanks that crashed through the Branch Davidian compound in Waco back in 1993.

In his zest to lead NATO headfirst into war against Serbia over Kosovo 4 years ago, Clark fully ignored the UN, refused to consider UN inspectors to verify the claims of "mass graves" and "genocide," as well as bombed civilian TV stations/studios while they were on the air (and he also bombed civilian bridges while human shields were visibly present on them). But besides ordering attacks on civilian targets, Clark also insured that foreign diplomatic targets, such as the Chinese Embassy, were also hit. If it could make America look bad, Clark pretty well ordered it.

"I'll not start the Third World War for you," said British General Mike Jackson as he DISOBEYED Clark's direct order to open fire on Russian paratroopers who had just landed at the Pristina airport in Serbia in 1999.

Clark was then fired from NATO as well as fired from the U.S. military. He returned to Arkansas where he received jobs from friends of Bill Clinton. Staffers on Clark's campaign almost all have experience campaigning and fund-raising for former President Clinton, and this is why people like Eli Broad can say that they just "know" that the Clinton's favor Clark even though there has been no announcement by the Clinton's regarding who they favor/endorse.

Which means that Hillary is still considering Clark, among others, to be the anointed one to select her as the Democratic Party VP candidate in 2004...

[COUNTrecount]

http://www.floraloriginals.com/

Saddam should have said "I surrender" with flowers.
FTD always delivers.

[easonc52]

Thank you for the reply. Admittedly, I didn't pay as much attention to the news before 9/11.

And also admittedly, I prefer to watch FoxNews, and read FreeRepublic (only because most other outlets seem to be on another planet).

[Valin]

Gen. Wesley Clark, who is running for president as a Democrat. "The Bush administration didn't do enough to publicize the White House phone number. This New York Times report clearly shows that Saddam was contrite and ready to cooperate with any and all U.S. demands. We have no one to blame but George Bush for overthrowing this repentant man."


And this guy thinks he should be President? Give me a break!!