KIDS ASK DOUG FROM UPLAND - No. 2

dfu | 11-3-03 | dfu

[doug from upland]

KIDS ASK DOUG FROM UPLAND: No. 1
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Dear Doug from Upland:

My teacher, Mrs. (redacted), told us yesterday that President Bush lied to us when he told us there were nuclear weapons in Iraq? Did he really lie about that?

James, age 10
Santa Cruz, CA

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James, I am afraid your teacher is either misinformed or is trying to fill your little heads with mush. Let's give her the benefit of the doubt and believe she is just misinformed and not using her forum for brainwashing for the DemocRATic Party.

The President did not say that there were nuclear weapons in Iraq. He actually said that they had a program whose goal is to acquire nuclear weapons. What do you suppose he would do with nuclear weapons if he were able to deliver them?

Your teacher, by the way, is not alone in spreading this nonsense. Ted Kennedy said the same thing on the Sean Hannity radio show. Andy Rooney just said it on 60 Minutes. And most of the nine DemocRATS running for president are telling lies about the president on a daily basis.

Please have your parents visit your teacher and demand that she retract her false statement. Statements such as those are hurting are country and may hurt the morale of our troops. If your teacher will not clear the record, I suggest that your parents demand that you be placed in another class where stinking lies do not flow like cheap Ripple Wine at a fraternity party.

Your friend,
Doug from Upland

[AnnaZ]

Dear Doug from Upland,

 

Why is it that when a Muslim is on trial in Virginia for sniping innocent folks in parking lots and foreign Muslim leaders are saying that the "shrewd and sneaky Jews" run America and Muslims in our armed forces are spying on us for the other side that a Christian General who calls our enemy evil is the only one taking a beating in the media?

 

Awaiting an answer. Any answer.

Thank you in advance,

~Anna Banana

[doug from upland]

What a great question. Here is one of my favorites from the archives that was written in 1999 ---

MIDI - TEENAGER IN LOVE

It's really not my fault 'cause
Our parents we can't choose
But I have made a plan and
I don't have much to lose
Each day I find a world that's gone mad
I'm hoping Webster Hubbell's really my dad

The man whom I've called daddy
Is quite a loony tune
And if he gets his way
He'll rape 10 by June
Each day I find a world that's gone mad
I'm hoping Webster Hubbell's really my dad

I'm scraping the rugs…I'll find his DNA
I'll take it to a lab and see what they will say

Although Web had ripped off some folks
And he did some prison time
He's not bought off by the Chinese
He is not a traitor slime
Each day I find a world that's gone mad
I'm hoping Webster Hubbell's really my dad

I'm scraping the rugs…I'll find his DNA
I'll take it to a lab and see what they will say

To see the tabloids I get sick
Penis this and penis that
I dread the day that I will read
That he's screwing Socks my cat
Each day I find a world that's gone mad
I'm hoping Webster Hubbell's really my dad
I'm hoping Webster Hubbell's really my dad
I'm hoping Webster Hubbell's really my dad

[doug from upland]

I don't have a good answer except that the left would like to see the end of Christianity.

[AngrySpud]

Dear Mr. Doug from Upland;

My big brother says "Trix and kneepads aren't just for kids" ... I don't understand.

[Chu Gary]

"Why does Chelsea look like Mr. Hubble?"

Nah, the thing that ate Chappaqua looks like Jabba the Hud, maybe it is Jabba and we'd all better be r-e-a-l careful. Yes, Mr. Senator Jabba thing, don't send me into another dimension like you did Vince!!!

[Chu Gary]

"(Behold, I am The Anti-Crust (Anti-Hillary))"

Best tag line I've seen yet!!!!

[lorrainer]

Dear Doug from Upland:

I'm confused. Andy Rooney used to try and figure out why there were cotton balls in aspirin bottles, and also count the number of each kind of nut came in a can of mixed nuts. I thought he was kind of funny, even if it was the same thing year after year.

Then, Doug, he grew very scary eyebrows and got political. Mommy said he was on a soapbox, but I couldn't see any soap. Anyway, even I could see that every point he made against President Bush on Sunday's show was a lie. Mommy said it's very bad to lie. Is he going to hell?

Thanks, Doug.
Your friend, lorrainer

[doug from upland]

In the libs mind, they are actually now in a living hell. They are out of power.

[4mycountry]

Check it out...

[4mycountry]

Whoops, meant to put your name up there too.. See post 29.

(BTW, I have the hardest time spelling the "upland" in your name. I have no clue why...)

[BobS]

Dear Doug from Upland,

Since Webbie Hubbell is Chelsea's dad, is that why Bill won't sleep with Hillary?

[doug from upland]

If you look at and listen to Hillary for even one minute, I think you can figure out why he won't sleep with her. The man is evil, but he is not an idiot.

[BobS]

Dear Doug from Upland, I guess Hillary is a hanger-on to Billy, right?

LOL

[Gumption]

Reading that reminded me of the time I accidentally threw-up a little in my mouth and had to swallow it back down, same taste.