KIDS ASK DOUG FROM UPLAND - No. 1

DFU | 11-2-03 | Doug from Upland

[doug from upland]

Dear Doug from Upland:

I remember hearing that Hillary Clinton grew up near Chicago and was a Cubs fan. When she came to New York, she claimed she was a Yankees fan all of her life. Is that true and why did she say that? Also, why didn't she throw out a ball at one of the World Series games in New York?

Jamie, 13 years old
Albion, NY

=============================================

Jamie, thank you for your questions.

You are correct that Hillary grew up near Chicago in the suburb of Park Ridge. Her parents were conservative, and she was once a "Goldwater girl." Sometime during her college years, however, she sold her soul to Satan.

She probably was a Cub fan. She told New Yorkers she was a Yankee fan because she wanted their votes and wanted them to believe she was always a New Yorker at heart. She, of course, was lying. She and her husband have many things in common. Among the most significant are that they are both congenital liars, and they both have the same taste in women.

Hillary would never dare throw out a ball in Yankee Stadium because she would get booed off the mound just as she was booed off the stage at the Concert for New York. In fact, Hillary has never been to a Yankee game in her life.

...Doug from Upland

[stylin19a]

I'm thinking Chillary doesn't throw out a first ball at Yankke Stadium because.....it'll come right back at her...with some heat on it.

[stylin19a]

Yankke=Yankee

[IWasATeenageDemocrat]

Dear Doug from Upland:

If Hollywood liberals care so damn much about the environment, why are they always flying around in jets to vacations in France and movie openings and such? Don't jet engines burn up lots and lots of fossil fuels?

I Was a Teenage Democrat
(age withheld by request)

[tet68]

Dear Doug from upland.

Regarding your statement that Bill and Hill both have the same taste in women, does that mean Hillery! likes overweight interns from California?
Thanks in advance
tet68

[somemoreequalthanothers]

Dear Doug from Upland,
If democrats are pro-choice, why don't they belive in a person's rights to choose schools for their children, in privatizing one's own social security, in choosing to own a firearm, SUV, etc?

[doug from upland]

NOTE TO READERS --- come on, this series is designed for questions from children. We must educate the children. Perhaps in succeeding episodes, children will ask and I will have the opportunity to answer those questions.

[martin_fierro]

Dear Doug From Upland;

I'm not a child, but can sure act childish if I need to.

Does that count as a question from a child?

[HuntsvilleTxVeteran]

Are b & h clinton the most truthful democRATs?

[cavtrooper21]

Dear Doug from Upland,
I can be child like... after a few beers.

Does that count?
Cavtrooper21.

[cavtrooper21]

Feind!
you beat me to it!!!

[doug from upland]

What have I created here. Give you guys a few brewskis and you get out of control.

[Gumption]

Dear Doug from upland,

How important are acute insecurity and severe inferiority complex when it comes to which women the Clintons choose, and why is that?

[Nam Vet]

You SHOULDA known, Buddy!!!

Nam Vet

[BookmanTheJanitor]

Dear Doug:

How does the Teflon stick to the pan?

Bookman

[BookmanTheJanitor]

Dear Doug:

How does the Teflon stick to the pan?

Bookman

[ErnBatavia]

Dear Doug,

At what age does cellulite begin? Is there a cure? I ask, because I have some political ambition further in life, and want to look my best for the media.

Hillary from Chicago

[BookmanTheJanitor]

Dear Doug;

2nd question - why did I double post? (ughh)

Bookman

[yonif]

Dear Doug from Upland:

What is the meaning of life?

yonif

[Nateman]

Dear Doug From Upland. I have a Hillary joke. Tell me what you think about it:

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is.,

"Billy" he said,

"And what is your question, Billy?" she asked.

"I have three questions.

First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan?

Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?

And third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?" he asked

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts his hand up; Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.

"Steve" he says shyly.

"And what is your question, Steve?" she asks

"I have five questions.

First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan?

Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?

Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?

Fourth - why did the bell ring 20 minutes early?

And fifth - what happened to Billy?"