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Bill & Hillary: The Movie
NewsMax.com ^ | Oct. 24, 2003 | Carl Limbacher

Posted on 10/24/2003 10:09:57 AM PDT by Hugenot

The folks at CBS apparently hate Ronald Reagan so much that they're willing to go to any length to trash his legacy - even if it means fabricating events, making up quotes and imagining conduct that Reagan administration insiders say never took place.

Too bad for the Tiffany network that decision-makers there are so agenda driven that they'd pass over a far more juicy story; where CBS writers wouldn't have to fabricate a single scene.

Never mind Ron and Nancy. How about a movie depicting the real-life goings on behind the scenes at Bill and Hillary's White House - based almost entirely on under-oath testimony given to federal investigators who probed the some 40-odd scandals that unfolded on the Clintons' watch.

A reality-based "Bill & Hillary: The Movie" would be chock full of sex, violence and palace intrigue, not to mention oodles of gratuitous foul language - material that would virtually guarantee producers a box office smash.

In order to get this project rolling we've taken the liberty of penning a few scenes. [Note to CBS: Feel free to lift the dialogue below verbatim]:

SCENE 3: Election night 1976, Clinton campaign headquarters in Fayettville, Arkansas. Campaign staffers console a crestfallen Hillary Clinton after her husband loses his first election race to Rep. John Paul Hammerschmidt.

PAUL FRAY [Campaign Manager] Hillary, we did everything we could but Bill's youth worked against him. Folks here in Arkansas just think 30 is too young to be a congressman.

HILLARY: [Voice rising] Don't give me that. It's your fault. You didn't get the vote out. You didn't do the legwork. You let this election slip through our hands, you $#@&@!% Jew Bastard!!!

MARY LEE FRAY: [Paul's wife] Hillary, calm down. My husband's not even Jewish. Why would you use language like that?

HILLARY: [Screaming] Dammit!!! If I say he's a $#@&@!% Jew Bastard!!! - then he's a $#@&@!% Jew Bastard!!! [Mrs. Clinton picks up a stapler and hurls it at Mr. Fray.]

SCENE 12: The Inauguration: Jan. 20, 1993

The Clintons have just taken up residence in the White House and are discussing plans for their future administration:

FIRST LADY: [Shouting] Dammit, Bill! You promised me that office would be mine. I'm the one who made you president. And I'm the one who can break you. One word from me and the press will be chasing down a hundred Gennifers. Tell Al to go %@!$ himself.

PRESIDENT: Hillary - hush - the Secret Service can hear you. You've got to . . .

FIRST LADY: I don't give a #@&$ who can hear me. I deserve the vice president's office and I'm gonna take it. And if Al and Tipper don't like it, too bad. [Smashes priceless Ming Dynasty vase given to President Benjamin Harrison.]

SCENE 19: Reorganizing the Travel Office - May 10, 1993. Hillary discusses new staffing requirements with White House personnel director David Watkins.

FIRST LADY: [Screaming] I don't care who you have to fire - we need those people out and we need our own people in those slots. Are you listening to me!

WATKINS: But Mrs. Clinton, Mr. Dale and his staff have been doing a reasonably good job making media travel arrangements for years now and the press really likes them. I'm afraid this won't look good.

FIRST LADY: You act like you haven't heard $%&@$*!& word I'm saying! It's your job to find a way to do this so it doesn't look bad. I don't care if you have to call the FBI in and accuse them of mismanagement. Say he embezzled money. Make something up. Make it look like we discovered a crime or something. I don't care how you do it. Just do it. [Hurls 19th Century Waterford cut glass ashtray presented to President McKinley by Queen Victoria]

SCENE 27: War Clouds Over Bosnia: April 26, 1996

President Clinton is in his Oval Office study, telephoning congressmen to line up support for deploying troops to the Balkans. He reaches Alabama Rep. Sonny Callahan.

PRESIDENT: Now, Sonny, I wouldn't be asking you for your support on this if I didn't appreciate the gravity of the situation. I want you to know that your president doesn't lightly send our military men and women into harm's way without fully appreciating the grave sacrifice I'm calling on them to make.

[The door cracks open. Monica Lewinsky appears]

PRESIDENT: Sonny, hold on a second while I just change phones here. [Puts his hand over the receiver and motions for Monica to kneel down].

Now, Sonny, where was I. Yeah, that's right, Kosovo. As your Commander-in-Chief, I'm the one who has to bear the ultimate responsibility when the bullets start flying and - whoa - ohhh - that's right - uh - ohhh - aaah.

Ah - sorry, Sonny, just got a little cramp there. All that jogging, ya'll know how that is. Now, back to Bosnia. If those body bags start coming home, you know who your constituents are gonna blame. Me! But I want you to know that I carry the weight of this office on my shoulders every day and I - ohhhh - to the left - that's right - aaah - yes - yes - ohhhhh - augghhh!!!!

Sorry again, there, Sonny. This cramp is really starting to act up. Let me call you right back. [End of Excerpt]

There you go, CBS. And we didn't have to make up a single scene.


TOPICS: Editorial
KEYWORDS: blockbuster; cbs; clintonlegacy; limbacher; mustseetv; riveting; screenplay; theclintons; thereagans; x42
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1 posted on 10/24/2003 10:09:57 AM PDT by Hugenot
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To: Hugenot
ROTFLMBO!

Good, looks like I'm not the only one who's been saying: "If they could make the Reagans boring lifes seem interesting, think what they could do with the Clintoons lifes"
2 posted on 10/24/2003 10:14:10 AM PDT by ChinaGotTheGoodsOnClinton
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To: Hugenot
I think Bill should be played by Rush Limbaugh and Hillary by Ann Coulter.
3 posted on 10/24/2003 10:14:30 AM PDT by Naspino
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To: Hugenot
We may not have "Bill and Hillary" the movie, but at least we have 'Monica The Play'
4 posted on 10/24/2003 10:14:36 AM PDT by presidio9 (Countdown to 27 World Championships...)
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To: presidio9
Rush smokes cigars -- so it could work...
5 posted on 10/24/2003 10:15:28 AM PDT by Naspino
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To: Naspino
That's a GOOD one...
6 posted on 10/24/2003 10:17:48 AM PDT by ChinaGotTheGoodsOnClinton
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To: Hugenot
Bill and Hillary The Movie would have to play at the Pussycat Theater is so filthy! I'd say Babs should play hildabeast just for the heck of it!
7 posted on 10/24/2003 10:18:16 AM PDT by Lucky2 (If I find out you're a liberal, please leave me the hell alone and crawl back into your hole.)
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To: Lucky2
I think Babs would rather play Monica.
8 posted on 10/24/2003 10:23:38 AM PDT by Cicero (Marcus Tullius)
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To: Hugenot
There is so much money to be made with these kinds of movies that Hill and Bill will be #1 box office after her term as President. The movie will rival the popularity of Gone With the Wind in it's day.
9 posted on 10/24/2003 10:29:49 AM PDT by Hidgy (LONG LIVE THE REPUBLIC)
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To: Hugenot
Actually, I would love to see a film version of Unlimited Access.
10 posted on 10/24/2003 10:50:31 AM PDT by Houmatt (Pray for Terri Schiavo!)
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To: Hugenot
"FIRST LADY: I don't give a #@&$ who can hear me. I deserve the vice president's office and I'm gonna take it. And if Al and Tipper don't like it, too bad. [Smashes priceless Ming Dynasty vase given to President Benjamin Harrison.] "

did this actually happen?
11 posted on 10/24/2003 10:52:13 AM PDT by WoofDog123
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To: Naspino
Ron Jeremy as Bill clinton and Ellen Degenerate as hillery...
12 posted on 10/24/2003 10:57:51 AM PDT by clintonh8r (A gentleman should know something about everything and everything about something.)
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To: Cicero
HAHAHAHA. That my friend, was the line of the day.
13 posted on 10/24/2003 11:02:57 AM PDT by Reagan79 (Pro Life! Pro Family! Pro Reagan!)
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To: Naspino
Ann Coulter could only play Hillary if she put on one of those Sumo wrestler get-ups so popular at minor league sporting events.
14 posted on 10/24/2003 11:03:03 AM PDT by demnomo (Nazis were National Socialists not Conservative Capitalists...)
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To: Hugenot
Please...Michael Moore as Hillary.
15 posted on 10/24/2003 11:04:32 AM PDT by CWOJackson
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To: Hugenot
Go to CBS.COM and let them know how you feel. I did.
16 posted on 10/24/2003 11:07:08 AM PDT by funkywbr
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To: Cicero
She probably has already.
17 posted on 10/24/2003 11:07:51 AM PDT by funkywbr
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To: clintonh8r
Courtney Love as Hillary and Martin Lawrence as Bill Clinton. Remember he was the first black President.
18 posted on 10/24/2003 11:08:23 AM PDT by Reagan79 (Pro Life! Pro Family! Pro Reagan!)
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To: Lucky2
I like Woody Allen for Babs. Of course they would have to put him on steriods or something to get any movement out of him, but they look almost the same.
19 posted on 10/24/2003 11:17:49 AM PDT by Ronin (Qui docet discit!)
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To: Naspino
What next a 9/11 SeeBabStreisand docudrama with president bill clinton speaking into the megaphone from the rubble-"Ah can hear yo pain, an soon da ho wurld will feel my pain!"-(teardrop falls from the loving, warm, emotional giving, loving president's handsome cheek). I hate PravdABDNC!!!

Pray for GW and the Truth

20 posted on 10/24/2003 11:22:37 AM PDT by bray ( Old Glory Stands for Freedom)
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