Posted on 10/24/2003 10:09:57 AM PDT by Hugenot
The folks at CBS apparently hate Ronald Reagan so much that they're willing to go to any length to trash his legacy - even if it means fabricating events, making up quotes and imagining conduct that Reagan administration insiders say never took place.
Too bad for the Tiffany network that decision-makers there are so agenda driven that they'd pass over a far more juicy story; where CBS writers wouldn't have to fabricate a single scene.
Never mind Ron and Nancy. How about a movie depicting the real-life goings on behind the scenes at Bill and Hillary's White House - based almost entirely on under-oath testimony given to federal investigators who probed the some 40-odd scandals that unfolded on the Clintons' watch.
A reality-based "Bill & Hillary: The Movie" would be chock full of sex, violence and palace intrigue, not to mention oodles of gratuitous foul language - material that would virtually guarantee producers a box office smash.
In order to get this project rolling we've taken the liberty of penning a few scenes. [Note to CBS: Feel free to lift the dialogue below verbatim]:
SCENE 3: Election night 1976, Clinton campaign headquarters in Fayettville, Arkansas. Campaign staffers console a crestfallen Hillary Clinton after her husband loses his first election race to Rep. John Paul Hammerschmidt.
PAUL FRAY [Campaign Manager] Hillary, we did everything we could but Bill's youth worked against him. Folks here in Arkansas just think 30 is too young to be a congressman.
HILLARY: [Voice rising] Don't give me that. It's your fault. You didn't get the vote out. You didn't do the legwork. You let this election slip through our hands, you $#@&@!% Jew Bastard!!!
MARY LEE FRAY: [Paul's wife] Hillary, calm down. My husband's not even Jewish. Why would you use language like that?
HILLARY: [Screaming] Dammit!!! If I say he's a $#@&@!% Jew Bastard!!! - then he's a $#@&@!% Jew Bastard!!! [Mrs. Clinton picks up a stapler and hurls it at Mr. Fray.]
SCENE 12: The Inauguration: Jan. 20, 1993
The Clintons have just taken up residence in the White House and are discussing plans for their future administration:
FIRST LADY: [Shouting] Dammit, Bill! You promised me that office would be mine. I'm the one who made you president. And I'm the one who can break you. One word from me and the press will be chasing down a hundred Gennifers. Tell Al to go %@!$ himself.
PRESIDENT: Hillary - hush - the Secret Service can hear you. You've got to . . .
FIRST LADY: I don't give a #@&$ who can hear me. I deserve the vice president's office and I'm gonna take it. And if Al and Tipper don't like it, too bad. [Smashes priceless Ming Dynasty vase given to President Benjamin Harrison.]
SCENE 19: Reorganizing the Travel Office - May 10, 1993. Hillary discusses new staffing requirements with White House personnel director David Watkins.
FIRST LADY: [Screaming] I don't care who you have to fire - we need those people out and we need our own people in those slots. Are you listening to me!
WATKINS: But Mrs. Clinton, Mr. Dale and his staff have been doing a reasonably good job making media travel arrangements for years now and the press really likes them. I'm afraid this won't look good.
FIRST LADY: You act like you haven't heard $%&@$*!& word I'm saying! It's your job to find a way to do this so it doesn't look bad. I don't care if you have to call the FBI in and accuse them of mismanagement. Say he embezzled money. Make something up. Make it look like we discovered a crime or something. I don't care how you do it. Just do it. [Hurls 19th Century Waterford cut glass ashtray presented to President McKinley by Queen Victoria]
SCENE 27: War Clouds Over Bosnia: April 26, 1996
President Clinton is in his Oval Office study, telephoning congressmen to line up support for deploying troops to the Balkans. He reaches Alabama Rep. Sonny Callahan.
PRESIDENT: Now, Sonny, I wouldn't be asking you for your support on this if I didn't appreciate the gravity of the situation. I want you to know that your president doesn't lightly send our military men and women into harm's way without fully appreciating the grave sacrifice I'm calling on them to make.
[The door cracks open. Monica Lewinsky appears]
PRESIDENT: Sonny, hold on a second while I just change phones here. [Puts his hand over the receiver and motions for Monica to kneel down].
Now, Sonny, where was I. Yeah, that's right, Kosovo. As your Commander-in-Chief, I'm the one who has to bear the ultimate responsibility when the bullets start flying and - whoa - ohhh - that's right - uh - ohhh - aaah.
Ah - sorry, Sonny, just got a little cramp there. All that jogging, ya'll know how that is. Now, back to Bosnia. If those body bags start coming home, you know who your constituents are gonna blame. Me! But I want you to know that I carry the weight of this office on my shoulders every day and I - ohhhh - to the left - that's right - aaah - yes - yes - ohhhhh - augghhh!!!!
Sorry again, there, Sonny. This cramp is really starting to act up. Let me call you right back. [End of Excerpt]
There you go, CBS. And we didn't have to make up a single scene.
Pray for GW and the Truth
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