For my Republican friends...

Email ^ | Today | Unknown

[milan]

DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to
sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take
the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel
righteous.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.


SOCIALIST:
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.


REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?


COMMUNIST:
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.


CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.


DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to
support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from
your government.


BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays
you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.


AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd
one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised
when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating
you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.


FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch.
Life is good.


JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably
crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.


ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.


RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. You produce
your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months. The Mafia shows up and
takes over however many cows you really have.


TALIBAN CORPORATION:
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
parts.


POLISH CORPORATION:
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.


FLORIDA CORPORATION:
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like
the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at
all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the
best-looking one.


NEW YORK CORPORATION:
You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you
pick some dumb cow from Arkansas.

[milan]

This kills me...I can't stop laughing.

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[PISANO]

PRICELESS....being of Italian decent, I met a gorgeous woman last night and I agree..... LIFE IS GOOD!

[Akira]

bump...an oldie but goodie...

[Egon]

Thanks! I needed that!

Although, now I'm having a craving for milk...

[farmer18th]

SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

Your neighbor's new cow is dead in two weeks. A party member arrives to cut your remaing cow in half. In five weeks, you are both standing in a ration line for milk.

[Mears]

Not only funny,but clever. Mooooooooo!!!!!!!

[martin_fierro]

POLISH CORPORATION:
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

[Prodigal Son]

Originally, there was one for the UN. It was something about being forced to sell both cows and being given a bull. At the end of it, where you were paid to produce milk, under the UN you are paid to milk the bull.

This was handed around FYROM HQs in Macedonia in '94 when our platoon did a stint there. I wish I could remember exactly how it went...

[Afronaut]

California Cow

Last Cow started small and bloated into a very large Cow. Gave a lot of milk but drank it all. Replaced with a huge Muscle Cow that has no history of giving milk. Might be a bull but no one seems to care. Everone is impressed though.

[milan]

That's a fine addition.

[Afronaut]

Cheers

[austingirl]

Thanks for the chuckle.

[BubbaBasher]

Although, now I'm having a craving for milk...

Forget the milk. I'm having a craving for a beautiful woman! When mine gets back from her trip, life will be good.