Free Republic Smokers' Lounge

Puff List ^ | 9/5/03 | francisandbeans

[Just another Joe]

This weeks tobacco related threads.

Toledo bar owners jeer smoking ban
Universal Leaf plans grand opening [1000+ jobs - Nash County, NC]
UN Envoys Fume Over New York Smoking Ban
Feds will put confiscated cigarettes back on market
Flawed road to smoking ban vote
McDonald's obesity lawsuit thrown out

[Just another Joe]

The Lounge is open!

[Just another Joe]

OK all you lounge lurkers, pop your head in and at least say, "Hi".
I've got 235 people on the Smokers' Lounge bump list and don't usually see over 10%, if that, peeking in.

Watcha afraid of? We don't bite. (usually) ;^)

[Snoopers-868th]

I am not on the bump list but I always check it out when I am on-line. Thanks for the coffee but most of all smoke break!!

[CSM]

I have been standing here all morning just a waitin' for the doors to open. I am still supposed to be able to think, so I will just take a Coke with some Grenadine for now. Put a 12 pack of MGD on ice for me, I will polish that off later!

Hey, when you gonna get a GT machine in this joint?

[Just another Joe]

Not a problem.
A lot of people need a smoke break once in a while. ;^)

[Just another Joe]

Hey, when you gonna get a GT machine in this joint?

GT machine?

[CSM]

It is a addictive on line golf video game. You see them at most of the bars I go to and I am very addicted. If you ever see the (us) addicted idiots playing it they try to hit a "ball" extremely hard to make the golf ball travel further.

It is tough to have a beer in one hand, a cig in the other and not be playing that dastardly game!

[MissTargets]

Hi Joe, and all
I'm here enjoying an after lunch smoke.

[Just another Joe]

It is a addictive on line golf video game.

Oh, you may as well forget about that here.
If you want to hit a ball hard, just go out back by the dumpster to the non-smoking section where the anti-smokers gather and have fun.

[Just another Joe]

Glad to see you.
Can I get you a libation?

[Don W]

Well, the last 2 weeks, the lounge hasn't opened until after I have to leave for work, and I don't have a 'puter there (it's kinda hard to keep machinery running while sitting at a desk, ya know).

A cuppa mud (extra strong) and a 25 pack of Player's, please.

[Don W]

My first joke.



A traveling salesman walked into a cowboy bar near Purcell, Okla. and ordered a beer just as former president Clinton appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's behind I've ever seen." A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him.

A few minutes later, after the stunned man got up and was finishing his beer, Hillary Clinton appeared on the television. "She's a horse's butt too," the man said. A customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him and knocked him flat.

Climbing back up to the bar, the man whispered,

"This must be Clinton country!"

"Nope," the bartender replied, "This is horse country."

[Don W]

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said.
"I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man!" the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles.

Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

[Just another Joe]

BWAHAHAHAHA

One back at you.

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer and he picks out the perfect bike.

While getting all the paperwork together, the dealer tells him about an old biker trick that will keep the chrome on his new bike free from rust. The trick is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains, and everything will be fine. He happily pays for the bike and leaves.

A few months later, the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She wants him to meet her parents so she asks him to come to dinner. He readily accepts and the date is set.
At the appointed time, he picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parents’ house.

Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.
After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteen minutes, the young man decides to speed things up. He reaches over and kisses his woman in front of her family. No one says a word.

Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone. No one says a word.

Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws HER on the table. They have even wilder sex. No one says a word.

He is wondering what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he reaches in his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline.



The father says, “Okay damn it, I’ll do the dishes!”

[CSM]

"If you want to hit a ball hard, just go out back by the dumpster to the non-smoking section where the anti-smokers gather and have fun."

The gnatzies never have fun, they just gather. They get jealous of our fun and keep trying to eliminate it. I think I will head out back with a lit butt and swat them around a bit, I can use the exercise.

[Don W]

A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments.

"My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you!"

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fourth, to which several nodded.

"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed another.

"I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said another.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.
The others nodded in agreement.

"Well, count your Blessings," said a woman cheerfully "and thank God we can all still drive !!!!!!!!!

[itzmygun]

Hello Everyone!

[Just another Joe]

Just in time for a funny.

Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty in Golf but Aren't:

10. Nuts...my shaft is bent
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker
7. Look at the size of his putter
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired .
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in golf but isn't:
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first.

[Don W]

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up.

One is a good looking lad in his mid-twenties, and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment; chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them and rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the young man and asks,
"Can you top that?"

The young man replies. "No problem, just get that lion out of the way."