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Here's one to start him off and to warn him to not have too many tall cool ones.

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am,
at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone,
so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he falls over
backwards and lands flat on his rear end.

That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back
pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so
drunk that he didn't know he was hurt. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed
blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something
terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to
bed.

The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the
covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.

"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"

"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."

"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where the heck did
you go?"

"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"

"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of
band-aids stuck to the mirror."

OK,
my 1st post (limericks?)
This is from a contest on Long Island. The requirements were to use the
two words, Lewinsky and Kaczynski (the Unabomber), in a limerick. Here
are the three winners:

Third place:

There once was a gal named Lewinsky

Who played on a flute like Stravinsky

Twas "Hail to the Chief"

On this flute made of beef

That stole the front page from Kaczynski.

Second place:

Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky

We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,

Since you made such a mess,

Use the hem of your dress

And wipe that stuff off of your chinsky.

And the winning entry:

Lewinsky and Clinton have shown

What Kaczynski must surely have known:

That an intern is better

Than a bomb in a letter

When deciding how best to be blown.