Replies

Here's one to start him off and to warn him to not have too many tall cool ones.

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am,
at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone,
so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he falls over
backwards and lands flat on his rear end.

That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back
pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so
drunk that he didn't know he was hurt. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed
blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something
terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to
bed.

The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the
covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.

"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"

"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."

"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where the heck did
you go?"

"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"

"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of
band-aids stuck to the mirror."

And a set of threads to start off the 2nd hundred replys.

Paying the price for smoking bans
U.S. Food and Drug Administration Approves Effective New Tool to Help Smokers Quit
MAINE SMOKERS CONTRIBUTIONS TO STATE ECONOMY-FY2002
US states rake in cigarette revenues, hunt evaders
Glaxo Says U.S. OKs Quit-Smoking Lozenge
Budget cuts hit broad spectrum of state's poor ahhhhhh
First Massachusetts firefighter fired for smoking Huge Hurl Alert
Teen smoking plagues Nunavik
State sues over online cigarettes
Staten Island: Where there's smoke, there's political fire
New York:County putting tobacco money into infrastructure
Taking a Smoking Lead From Parents This was one of the hot threads of the week
Petition Could Halt Las Cruces Smoking Ban
Montana:Commissioners consider exempting bars and casinos from smoke ban
Tobacco tax narrowly defeated And the advent of a new anti 'JesusSaves' Watch out for him folks he will get nasty
The Cancer of the Anti-smoking Puritans
CHUCK TARGETS 'CYBER' CIGS
R.J. Reynolds to Slash N.C. Jobs
Stars To Lead Anti-Smoking Campaign
Tobacco industry seeks government aid package (Canadian story)
Native American to Fly on Shuttle
SMOKING BAN ROBS THE POOR
Maine: More liquor licenses issued in wake of new law
Healthy Maine message-Another Doctor needs to be educated.
Colebrook restaurant challenges smoking ban
Philip Morris tumbles 14%
Southern States Are Least Healthy
Passive Smoking Doesn't Cause Cancer - Official
Peggy Noonen: "Them" [one group for whom liberals have no tolerance at all]
How Smoking Saves Money
Michigan smokers rolling their own cigarettes on the rise

serve-
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he
become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland
called Holes?
3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two
cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?
8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread
to begin with?
10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
drives a race car not called a racist?
12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians
denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry
cleaners depressed?
17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more
as they get older; then it dawned on me . . .
they're cramming for their final exam.
21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
and forks so I wondered what Chinese mothers
used, tooth picks?
22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do, write to them? Why don't
they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look
for them while they deliver the mail?
23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
others here for?
24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went
nuts.
28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?