[netmilsdad]

serve-
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he
become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland
called Holes?
3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two
cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?
8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread
to begin with?
10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
drives a race car not called a racist?
12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians
denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry
cleaners depressed?
17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more
as they get older; then it dawned on me . . .
they're cramming for their final exam.
21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
and forks so I wondered what Chinese mothers
used, tooth picks?
22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do, write to them? Why don't
they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look
for them while they deliver the mail?
23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
others here for?
24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went
nuts.
28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

[Just another Joe]

Return -

After many years at sea a pirate decided it was time to retire. Since he had suffered injuries on the
job he thought that he could also collect disability insurance. He had a wooden leg, a hook where
his right hand should be and a patch over his right eye. The agency assured him that he would be
compensated if the injuries were work related. "How did you get the wooden leg?" In a booming
voice the pirate replied:

"WELL MATEY, YOU SEE IT WAS LIKE THIS: ME AND ME MATES WERE ON THE
HIGH SEAS WHEN THE BOOM SHE SWANG 'ROUND AND KNOCKED ME INTO
THE SEA WHERE A SHARK BIT OFF ME LEG."

"Well that is certainly work related. How did you loose your hand." In a booming voice the pirate
replied:

"WELL MATEY, YOU SEE IT WAS LIKE THIS: ME AND ME MATES WERE ON THE
HIGH SEAS WHEN THE BOOM SHE SWANG 'ROUND AND KNOCKED ME INTO
THE SEA WHERE A SHARK BIT OFF ME HAND."

"Well that is certainly work related. How did you loose your eye." In a booming voice the pirate
replied:

"WELL MATEY, YOU SEE IT WAS LIKE THIS: I WAS LAYING ON THE DECK ONE
BALMY DAY CATCHING SOME RAYS WHEN THIS *%#@* SEAGULL FLEW BY
AND DROPPED HIS DUTY RIGHT IN ME EYE!"

"Well yes, but what does that have to do with the loss of your eye?"

"IT WERE THE FIRST DAY WITH ME HOOK!"