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The Guild 7-24-2002 Dog and Cat's Daily Diary
Posted on 07/24/2002 5:35:02 AM PDT by BigWaveBetty
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
Day 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 am - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining a piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was .....Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the aroma of some of their favorite foods. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
TOPICS: Society
KEYWORDS: michaeldobbs; theguild
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To: Vic3O3
Pinging for my wife.
Semper Fi!
21
posted on
07/24/2002 7:01:04 AM PDT
by
dd5339
To: mountaineer
The amount of money needed to successfully fight the global spread of AIDS is a fraction of what the United States is spending to fight terrorism, former President Bill Clinton said Tuesday, urging the government to pay its share [We already pay more than "our share," you idiot] without hesitation. Here's where you're going wrong, The Generous One wants to give away the "government's" money. LOL! Ahhhh, we don't call him Slick Willie for nuthin'!
To: mountaineer; Hillary's Lovely Legs
But when he asked an assistant where to find them, he was directed to the incontinence pants.Hee, hee! From yesterday's thread: Diaper Pail Friends
Some people are truly sick.
But poor Harry 
, old enough to be GF's son's granddaddy.
23
posted on
07/24/2002 7:08:39 AM PDT
by
Carolina
To: BigWaveBetty
Al Gore, still wearing his pajamas, is dazed and confused.
(Real caption: Former Vice President Al Gore speaks to a group of Democratic campaign workers during a Democratic summer academy camp at Vanderbilt University Tuesday, July 23, 2002. Gore is kicking off his second summer camp for young activists in Tennessee and raising money for a Senate candidate this week).
story
To: BigWaveBetty
I wish you'd have stopped for a cup of coffee when you sneaked into my house to obtain the cat's diary. Yep. She hates us.
To: mountaineer
Good news for Harrison, it's for headaches... really!
MUSCLE RELAXER MAY HELP QUASH MIGRAINES
If you have never had a migraine headache, you don't know what you're missing ... and you don't want to know. Millions of people suffer with them at such a high or virulent rate they find themselves unable to do common things. And, to make matters worse, it seems that at just the moment you get comfortable, the phone rings.
Now, according to researchers, a commonly used medication for relaxing muscles may give some migraine sufferers a degree of relief. According to the Chicago Sun-Times, the drug Botox, made by Allergan, has been tested on more than 2,000 patients. Some of the testing has been going on in the Chicago area.
In some migraine sufferers the results have been dramatic.
Botox is a purified form of botulinum toxin. It has been stockpiled by some countries for use as a germ warfare agent. But, used properly, its distilled version is being shown to be effective in dramatic new medical ways. Link
I think once I experienced what was close to a migraine. My first cycle after nursing my first born included a searing headache with vomiting. (Dr. later told me that's a common occurrence, thanks for the warning.) Co-workers had to carry me to the car and one drove me home. My deepest sympathies to anyone who suffers migraines.
To: Iowa Granny
You looked so peaceful, sleeping soundly, didn't have the heart to wake you. :-)
My favorite "cat thing" is when my two cats start a cat fight on the bed at 3:00 in the morning. What fun!!
To: BigWaveBetty
Pfizer is testing a very promising new migraine drug, Relpax, for U.S. approval (already approved in Europe). As my sister suffers from migraines, I hope the FDA approves it soon.
To: mountaineer
OMG!!!!!!! That is so hysterical! That pic really makes him look like a mental patient and is definitely a keeper!
My favorite Led Zepplin song btw.... Been dazed and confused for so long it's not true....
My computer is doing weird things. I guess I should let it cool off? Back later!
To: mountaineer
Looks like not being on the public dole has caused Gore's neck and chin to merge.
To: BigWaveBetty; mountaineer; *The GUILD
Aargh. bent one again. A reasoned response to his blatherings is impossible.
B - thanks for the fresh thread, and the hot link. You too can take pride in your link.
Though the History of Shoes will be tough to beat with this crowd, what about: First date, best date, worst date, first car, best car, worst car, most embarrassing (does anyone else use their google window for Spell Checking?) moment, best meal, worst meal, first time to tragically overserve one's self - if applicable, most stupid lie I thought my parents would believe, most stupid lie my kids told me - if applicable, favorite aunt or uncle or relative, and on and on.
A wonderful Wednesday is wished for all who find their way to TheGuild today. JL
31
posted on
07/24/2002 7:44:18 AM PDT
by
lodwick
To: lodwick
G'morning, JL. Cooler weather has set in, with the absence of humidity, it is glorious.
The heat damaged the pollination process on some numbers of corn, it is almost a certainty that the ears will not fill out all the way to the end. The beans are hardy and go into dormancy when heat and drought set in.
To: Iowa Granny
Good morning Gran - super news about the break in your weather. God bless the farmers; if it's not one thing, it's another. Thanks for the news from the heartland. Thanks for the pic of you and Mr.IG. Looking fine. ;-)
33
posted on
07/24/2002 7:59:44 AM PDT
by
lodwick
To: dutchess
A ping for you to come visit us with Grady et al....
To: 2Jedismom
Nice to see you again. Boy those Jedi's have grown!!
To: BigWaveBetty
Good morning cheery BWB.
Thanks for explaining that Halle Berry caption. I was trying to figure how one could commit suicide with two little doggies. Was she going to starve them for a while and then cover herself with dog food?.....I cannot even fathom someone killing their little doggies just because they decided to check out.
To: lodwick; All
Good morning....
To: daisyscarlett
Thanks for the ping. I'm at work and left my directions on how to post at home. just the < what4ever url thing Would love to have Giz visit if you post it! Thanks!
This is a nice site. It's been awhile since I stopped in. And the doggie diary is SO-O-O true LOL.
38
posted on
07/24/2002 8:35:11 AM PDT
by
dutchess
To: daisyscarlett
We all saw at the Oscars how completely self involved Halle Barry is. Of course she would kill her dogs, because without her, how could they possibly live.
And also, let's not forget her hit and run accident where she broke a woman's legs, but had anmesia for 15 minute from before the accident until she got home. Remember, Halle is always the victim. Even in her Oscar speech she was the victim.
Comment #40 Removed by Moderator
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